Missing Mom's advice

[brsarah]

Today I start a new job as a social worker in a emergency room during the night shift. This is a big change for me, one in which I would of spent hours on the phone talking to my mother about. This is the first change I am facing without her. Is this the right job for me? Should of I left my last job so soon after my mom's death? What if I don't succeed? My mother knew how to calm all those fears. For the first time in my life, I am facing a change without her. Its so hard. Sarah

[Nick C]

Sarah,

Wanted to share a story from a few weeks ago.

Had a bump in the road at work where a staff person made a bit of an err, but as the manager I took the bullet. Long story short, was told a mistake like that again, don't bother coming back to work...now it was said through laughter...but I knew it wasn't a joke.

I told my therapist that it was one of those times I would have called mom...just to hear what she had to say.

He asked well, what did you say to your staff person?

I said, "I told her 'it happens, we're looking at a lot of numbers, mistakes will happen. We know how to look at this now, and let's face it, no one died!!!'"

He then looked at me and said, "I know you wanted to call your mother but if you could what would she have said?"

It was then I realized...I had said EXACTLY what my mother would have said. I told him I'd still prefer to hear it from her. But I'm not as without her as I feel... she resides in so many corners of me, and at a moments notice I bring her out...and through those moments you connect.

I know it's hard, and it sucks...I know you wanted to call her. And I still do too. But she's with you in spirit (which is too cliche for me, but true) but more so, she is with you inside of you...you can bring her out at times like that...you know what she would say to you.

I am so sorry though for those times. I know it's hard.

[melindasue37]

Sarah,

I'm not sure if there is much truth to this but I've heard that we get "gifts from grief."

To make a long story short I used to talk to my Mom often about how I wanted to move. I had lived in my last place for 10 years and it ws something that really wanted, just couldn't get off my butt to actually MAKE it happen.

Three months after my Mom passed away I had the opportunity to move. Everything literally fell into place and I found myself not even thinking about it. I just did it and I am so happy now.

I truly beleive that my Mom had something to do with it. But, it hurts so much to not be able to call her and tell her all about it.

I just wonder if your Mom had something to do with this new opportunity arising for you? I bet she did.

Wishing you the best of luck at your new job. It sounds like a very exciting job. Good LUCK!!!

Warm Hugs,

Melinda

[Treebywater]

All of the decisions and little and big happenings that you want to hear her spin on... It's so hard.

I'm trying to find a dress for Dad's wedding.... And I am having a terrible time. I'll be really pregnant. I have a difficult size, and it's certainly not a maternity-friendly color that I need... And I keep thinking--Mom would help me find the dress. And then thinking, "If mom was here, I wouldn't have to."

It is definitely just this gaping hole that nothing can really fill...

((((((hugs))))))) to you.

[nikkala]

I'm sorry you have to go thru Sarah, this but it is normal. I kept a journal and would sit and write a "letter" to my mom telling her all the things I would have talked about and like Nick said, in me I knew the answers and advise she would have given. I promise it will get easier.

[MomsGirl]

Oh, you guys, I can so relate. All of your stories made me feel more normal. I've had so many things happen in the last six months with my kids, that I would have been right on the phone with my mom to discuss. As I posted before, my three-year-old daughter got pneumonia recently and ended up hospitalized for two days. The morning she was sent to the ER, she'd been coughing all night and she just looked funny when she woke up. Something about her breathing. I had just gone to the doctor the day before with her and they sent her home saying it was just a "virus". When she looked bad the next morning I so wanted to call my mom and seek her advice, then I realized I knew what she would say already. "GO WITH YOUR GUT. Take her in. Even if you feel stupid, just do it." So I did, and it was the doctors that ended up with egg on their faces, they sent her right to the ER.

My mom had been right many times before when it came to the kids' illnesses. A few years ago I finally put down all of my medical dictionaries and stopped surfing the net for advice, and listened to HER.

As Nick said, your mom is still with you in some ways - her influence will forever remain. But I totally relate to you missing her and not being able to share or consult or anything...it plain sucks.

Good luck with your new job...keep us updated, and hang in there...