I'll start with I am sorry ...

[ztweb]

You guys. I am so, sorry to do this again...but I just have to scream. Urgh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Thanks)

I realize I am a total wimp, but I can't quite get past the fact that as I look through the SCLC forum news isn't the best. I find very few people who can support me by their own experience. (I find tons of support...dont' get me wrong...but not by personal experience - the last thing I want to do is make it sound like I don't appreciate every single kind word or prayer you all have given me).

As I read, I see that most recurrence happened at 6-9 months or one year. We are coming upon that time, and I am scared to death. I dont' know if I can go to the appointment as I will be in San Diego for a presentation, and it is making me sick to my stomach.

I know...I know. Live for today. But at the same time, I feel the need to prepare for how to support dad. I think if it comes back, he will take it as almost a harder hit than the first time. I have to be prepared with words, encouragement, love.

Urgh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry...just needed to vent. Thanks for listening.

Blessings,

Jen

[RandyW]

Always Make time to Listen to Venting, Rants, and Ravings, And Coomplaints, And of Course Good NEws. Hope tomorrow, Well Today Now I guess, Finds you doing a Little Better.

[carolhg]

I do understand you anxiety and frustration. When I first got diagnosed I could not find much positive about my stage at the time. Also at the time I did not know how or where to look on the internet. Later I found information and this website which was a Godsend for me. I will tell you to look at the positive posts on this site for small cell, because they are here. That percentage of people who do well with small cell is made of people like the people on this web site and your dad too. Whenever I see info on the web that I think would interest you I will be sure and send it your way. Prayers

Carol

[Treebywater]

Jen--No apologies needed... It's anxiety at it's finest. It's what you feel and you can't just change your feelings.

But stay positive. Just think... Somewhere down the line, there will be someone in the shoes you're in today--coming up on these milestones worrying about reoccurences and YOU are going to be the one that says, "You know... I worried the same way. I did. I get it. And my Dad is still going."

(((((hugs))))) to you.

[Connie22]

Jen-

We never got to the 1 year mark, but believe me, I can relate. Every Dr's appointment, scan, ache and pain is so very hard to go through. Just keep in mind, "it is what it is". And you know that we will all be here for you. Being Miss Positive Polly is really hard some times, so we need to step back and regroup and then come out fighting. When is the appointment? You know that we will all be here praying and sending good wishes. Did you hear about the "big sioux Valley" news? This is really good news for our state. Take care Jen and don't feel guilty about coming here to vent.

God Bless

Hugs and Prayers

Connie

[J.C.]

Jen,

Jitters, worries and anxiety

are hard to forget.

Don't forget you will have to

think of a good celebration for

the one year of NED.

Hoping for the best.

Jackie

[barbara5452]

Like the others have said you will be posting encouraging thoughts to someone else down the road. This is my second time around as well as many others, believe me when I say your dad has this thought in the back of his head and if bad news were to come he has somewhat prepared himself. But as someone in this group said to me and it has stuck... just because its cancer doesn't mean its catastrophic. PRAYERS.....

[dchurchi]

Jen,

I understand the axiety, I live it everytime Alan has

his scans. 2005 was a terrible year, his diagnosis

in Jan then brain mets in July. Alan did enjoy 1yr 3 month remission before cancer returned this past Jan

so our stress and axiety are again at new heights.

The one thing Alan and I have learned to do is live

this very day and only this day. Now I will admit to

having this crushing fear in my heart that the beast

will some day take Alan away from me, but dwelling on

that in some way gives the beast the upper hand and I

will not let that happen. So I defeat the beast by

living and not dwelling, by taking back my emotional

well being allows me to be in control not the cancer.

I pray all continues to go well with your Dad and I

hope you can find peace.

[Nick C]

I can understand that.

[teriw]

Jen,

It sounds to me like you already are a great support to your dad, and will continue to be. I think your worries are inescapable, but perhaps you can find a way to acknowledge them, then pack them away somewhere where they don't have such a grip on you. As Deb says, if you focus your energy on the "what ifs" and the fears, the beast has the control. I so agree with that.

You seem to have a very strong family. Just know that whatever comes your way, you will all deal with it as a family like you have been. Focus on the good news you have today. Everything else is still an unknown.

[Sheri]

Jen, we both share similar boats, I'm just farther out to sea.

My Dad is a wise man and told me early on, never to apologize, it shows weakness. So rarely do I find a situation that warrants a true apology as his words ring in my ear. NSCLC is so different than SCLC as it is a cancer that can deem sudden death. It's fast growing, we may be okay one week and lose our loved ones the next. I know this is not positive news and from all you have learned in your research, you know your concerns are well justified.

We have to think positive, as Mr. Bloch said: "worry is like a rocking chair, it keeps us busy but get's us no where."

Hang in there and keep praying for positive scans. I'm doing what I can to keep my hard-*ss Dad alive. Two and a third years into it, so far, so good!