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when does it get easier


crystleshoe

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People keep telling me that time heals and that it will get better. They say that I will not hurt so much and that I will accept it and be able to go on. i just don't see that happening I miss my Mom so much more with every day that passes. everyday I think of something else I should have done, or something I shouldnt have done while she was sick. I think about how she hated being sick and how I kept telling her that she would be allright , that it was only temporary and that soon she would be home. I think about all the things I should have told her and all the times I didnt spend time with her before she got sick. I knew that I would grieve but I never in a million years was prepared for the amount of tears i would shed and the pain that comes with that grief. People ask how I am doing and I tell them I am ok because thats what they want to hear. My daughter(age 21) misses her grandmother so much and I cant stand to see her in so much pain either but I dont know how to help her because I cant help myself. All I can say is this whole grief thing bites!!!!!

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Yes! "It bites!" LOL

I'm in my own grief bubble right now, so I can't help that much. Just know that you are not alone.

Two things helped me...knowing my parents are together again, and reading the "just for laughs/ off topic" forum where someone asked "how old you were when your parent(s) died?"..

I realized in reading that thread that I wasn't alone...SO many others have been there and understand...and they have/are surviving the loss, moving forward in life, time easing the pain.

After three years, I miss my dad alot still...but not every minute or even everyday...the pain has lessened ALOT but I still miss him in my life...always will...but my life moved forward (sometimes without me wanting it to!) and joy and laughter and good times came back into my life....

That will happen for me (and for you) with the loss of our moms- how much time? I can't say for sure...we are all different...grieve differently....

I am grieving much differently this time around than I did when I lost my dad or other people close to me....so we just have to have faith....just "be" whatever we can be for that moment, and hope that tomorrow we can be alittle better than we were the day before.

That's all I've got. I hope some of that helped.

I'd send you a hug if I could.

((hug))

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You know, I hated the 'time will heal you' addage. And I still do. Because I still can't conceive of NOT hurting with a dreadful unbearable ache at my Mom's absense from my life.

Time will change things. And you will learn how to walk around with the hurt and not focus on it so much, but I still don't subscribe to the 'time heals all wounds' theory by a long-shot.

You are so FRESH to this whole journey. It is so new. For me it hurt a lot. And then it hurt a lot more. And then it hurt a lot more a lot more. And then I had to go, "Screw it. Ok. I guess I'll feel the hurt." And now.... well, it still hurts... but I can walk around with it.

(((((hugs))))) to you. So many of us 'get it.' At least from our own shoes, we do. Just know that it is ok to feel WHATEVER right now. Nothing is normal and everything is normal if that makes any sense.

Val

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Yeah, time doesn't heal.

People ask me how I'm doing I do one of those "eh" italian shoulder shrug kinda things...because that is true.

They ask why, I say things are just weird without my mother...

That's the how ya doin, friends...not the how ya doin work greeting, that's just straight, FINE YOU?

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I have a theory that those who say, "Time heals all wounds" haven't really been there. I believe time will make it easier to function but we will always have the scars. I believe our loved ones who have gone on would want us to get on with our lives when we are ready. That doesn't mean to put their memories and our loss aside -- it just means adding back our "normal" things and loving those we do have. I try to be the best Don I can be in order to honor my parents who did do much for me in the short time I had them. That has made it bearable.

I have lost two parents, a mother-in-law I loved much, an only sister, an only brother and a wife of 47 years. Yet, I am still going on and I don't forget any of them. There is a lot more for me to do here because I am still here. Don

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Its still really new for you. I agree, I don't think we ever heal - we just become more able to tolerate it. My Mom has been gone almost six months. It is easier at times. And just as terrible at other times. I can sob for her at the drop of a hat. I do feel more times when I am more myself than I did even 2 months ago. But I will continue to miss her everyday of my life. For me it got worse, really bad before it felt any better. It will take as long as it takes for you. Just be good to yourself and hold tight to your memories. I am truly sorry for your loss and I wish you peace and comfort.

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