EastCoastLadi Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Gosh, there is so much going on here, my tears today have been mixed, first hearing about Frank, what a genuine, kind, spirit, God has called to heaven, I pour a drink and toasted to Frank, and asked him if he would save a spot for my husband. As you may know Carlton came home Monday night, alot better than a week ago Tuesday. On tues. the Visiting nurse came in for assessment, and the physical therapist. He will be seeing them a couple of times a week, but he doesn't want any home health aide, or a hospital bed. But on Tuesday, it was rough, he started to have uncontrollable "seizures" - "focal/petite mal" on his left side, thank God for ativan, but Carlton is obviously much slower, in everything he does, says or thinks. He is on so many damn pills, at least he can swallow. But he is stubborn as all hell, and I guess I rather have him around like this, than not at all. It looks like it is getting more and more difficult for him and for me, I am so fragmented, the girls, even though they won't show it are having an enormously tough time with this. But today, we met w/ the oncologist. and had "the talk"....I don't have to go into all the details, but basically, tumors in the brain have grown, the cancer obviously has spread, there are not alot of options, quality of life vs. quantity. But my husband wants to fight, so now the dr. is going to start Carlton on IV ireacotan)) my spelling bites!), only 60 mg ( 1/2 dosage) every week, to see how well he can tolerate it. I trust the dr. he's a very good man. ..but later on this afternoon, Carlton was having even more intense, "focal seizures"....I gave him 2 mgs of ativan, and he was still having them 1 1/2 hrs into. So I called the onc. office, I was amazed he spoke to me directly, he told me to up his dexamethadone and I can give him a couple of mgs more of ativan, if he needs it. But of course, 911 if he has a major seizure. This is the brain tumors.....I got him to sleep... but later on this evening, he tried to go to the bathroom, and my youngest heard a thump, and I ran up. he fell, trying to go to the bathroom, he was bleeding, he scaped his arm something bad, but now, you got to throw embarassment and shame out the window, and take care of, and let the ones you love take care of you....I got him bandaged up....and changed his clothes - (I made him put on "depends"), I told him, just for tonight, thats all. He said I wasn't treating him w/ dignity. I have all the dignity for my husband, my methods may need to be tuned up, but I wanted him not to hurt himself and not be in pain.... ...I don't know how long he has.....no body knows.....but all I can tell you is that, yes he is dying, I am on "autopilot". I am so grateful that you all exist and that this place exists, you are part of my rock, my lean on, my comfort...... Thank u, luv Grace Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dchurchi Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Grace, I am sorry to hear about Carlton. I can not imagine what you must be going through. The beast has no care for human dignity. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connie22 Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Oh Grace I feel so horrible for you and your family. I don't know what to say, except for, you are in my thoughts and prayers. I am thinking of you! Hugs and Prayers Connie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kasey Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 I am deeply saddened to hear this, Grace. I just can't imagine it..................prayers you can keep things together and help the girls through it. Sorry more than I can express. Kasey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Grace...... I just ache for you and Carlton and your girls. I hate this stuff, and I just hate what it is doing to your family. Just thinking out loud here... but maybe a bedside commode would help? That way it's not such a huge transport issue and maybe that will feel like a little more dignity. So many, many (((((hugs)))))) to all of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sis Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Grace, You sound like one heck of a strong and loving person. My heart goes out to you, your husband, and your family. Please know that you are not alone... We are praying for you all. Ellie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEA Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Grace, I am sorry to hear about Carlton. Asking God to give you comfort, strength and peace as you take care of your husband and family during this difficult journey. Mary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mary colleen Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 How sorry I am for your troubles. You are strong and good, and doing such a huge job. I will pray that God guides you and gives you strength. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MsC1210 Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Grace, Holding you and Carlton and the girls in my thoughts and prayers. Chris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 sending prayers for strength and support and comfort. Wish there was more I could. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laban Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Grace, I ache for you and your family. You are so brave to continue posting throughout this difficult time. I say this prayer daily, hope it will be a comfort for you. God Bless and the children. Laurie Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths. Proverbs 3, 5-6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melindasue37 Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Grace, Your post brought back so many memories. My Mom had the same thing happen. The fall in the bathroom and having to put depends on her. It is so hard for them to give up that independence and it just hurts to see the ones we love so deeply going through this. The autopilot is sometimes the only way to cope and get through this...you are doing a WONDERFUL job. Stay strong and keep us posted on how ALL of you are doing. Warm Hugs, Melinda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trish2418 Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 I so admire the wonderful way you are taking care of your family. My prayers are with all of you. Trish Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ztweb Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Oh Grace. I am so sorry to read your post this morning. What a horrible disease this is. Urgh I ask God to grant you, Carlton, and the girls his peace, love, and support. I ask that He wrap His arms around you to give you comfort. I ask that He hold Carlton in His hands making him free of pain. Grace, you are an amazing wife. You are doing your very best...and we support you 100%. God bless, Jen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yellowbow Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Oh Grace my heart go out to you. I know what you are going threw, my DH had this too. Get a potty to put near bed. My DH did want a hospital bed,cause he could not get in or out of our bed. He told me all moldest went out the window. We did have to get a cather after a while. I'm prayering for you's. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick C Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Grace, I know how a loved one wants so badly to not reach this stage...and when it happens, I think it hurts us just as much, knowing it isn't what they wanted. It's not fair. It shouldn't have to happen this way. Your post breaks me up. I'm praying for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janehill Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Brutally painful news. Be well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinC1973 Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 I am so very sorry...please reach out to us here. We are here for you, whatever you may need. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
P.S. I Love You Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Grace, I feel so bad for what you and your family are going through. You’ve obviously been so there for Carlton. Trust your auto-pilot; it will guide you home. There will be time for you and your girls to heal. Prayers for all of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Grace, this is a very trying time, I know. Hang in there, because you are doing the right things for him. "Dignity" and "modesty" are things we lose with lung cancer. We just work around them, and develop a good sense of humor. Blessings. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 I am so sorry for what you are going through. I am unclear why the onc has given him ativan for his seizures-- it seems he should be on a seizure medication or diastat when he goes into the cyclical seizures. Seizures take a toll and he will be slow and out of it after having so many. I would ask about dilantin or a similar drug and maybe a neurologist consult for a drug to control the seizures. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teriw Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Grace, I'm so sorry to hear of these recent developments. I haven't a single word of wisdom for you -- just thoughts, prayers, and a big "virtual hug." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EastCoastLadi Posted February 9, 2007 Author Share Posted February 9, 2007 quick update, after 4 falls, and total unable to stand...called the onc. he said back to hospital, he thinks rehab may be the best for him, but husband wants to do chemo on monday, so we think hospital best setting, just waitinf for call from hospital for his bed to be ready.... will update when i can... Grace Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calintay Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 OH geez! I am so sorry. I will be saying prayers for you both daily Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Oh Grace, I am sorry. I hope you have gotten the bed and that your DH is resting comfortably. Hope the chemo helps on Monday. Remember to take care of yourself too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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