Don't know where I belong and that W word !

[yellowbow]

I just don't know where I belong anymore. Use to be a caregiver but not anymore. Not a wife anymore. But I can't say that other w word. I had to say it 2 times the other day and couldn't say it just tried to go around it. I sometimes still can't beleive John is gone. Bob ( John called Dad but not his dad) is driving the truck ( if it gets going again) called yesterday ( has John's cell phone ) wanted to know how to take John's voice off phone! I told him I didn't know how. I don't anyway. But what is hurry.? I'm just not ready for that. He dropped the phone anyway and says it isn'ting working. Just got it in Dec. cause other one broke!? Don't know what is going on there! Sone days are okay, some get bad crying over everything, some don't want to get out of bed. But that seen's to be getting better and not that much any more, about getting out of bed. My daughters are going to come next week so maybe that will help some. Thanks for listening Bless all of you's on the site. Wish we didn't neet like this but , glad there is some place to go.

[barbara5452]

Brought tears to my eyes, I pray every day is better for you.

[tnmynatt]

I understand what you are going through. It does get better. But, it is lonely and everybody's walk is different. Hold on and keep putting one foot in front of the other when you can. I'm praying for you to have some comfort and strength in the coming days. Don't beat yourself up. It's ok to grieve. You will be healthier in the long run by feeling things now rather than putting it off. Just my 2 cents. Don't know if I helped you.

I encourage you to join a grief support group. It really helped me. Take care.

[shineladysue]

It's hard... it hurts and everyone has to grieve in their own way, but it does help to have others near who understand. I understand and you are welcome to cry on my shoulder.

Love,

Sue

[RandyW]

For thoughts on a grief Group Check with the hospice. I got a great newsletter from our local one yesterday offering free group sessions.

It is ok to be like this. I did not feel like getting out of bed either most days this time last year after losing Deb. I used to cry at work and in the grocery store and all the cashiers would come and help me out cause they knew both of us by sight. everybody was great. You will find that as time goes on things will settle down. The pain will alwys be there but it will get a little less severe. It takes time and you have to grieve and cry and have meltdowns whenever you feel the need to.

Have you talked to John? This may sound crazy to some, but it did help me get through the hard days a little quicker and easier. I used to go outside at night and Talk to Her under the stars at nite, and say prayers outside. Talking to her helped me I think deal with the whole pain issues. It is ok to have meltdowns. I still do and expect more this week. Right now I have very ahrd time with Valentines adn My Anniversary was the 16th of Feb.

HOPE Something helped here. PM if I can help any way possible. If you want to talk over the phone or anyhting let me know. I am not that far from you. Sending Prayers and Thoughts for more better Days soon.

[Maryanne]

I am deeply sorry for your loss. It is tremendous.

I pray for you for strength to get throug this. One day at a time.

My deepest condolences goes out to you and your family.

Maryanne

[yellowbow]

Thank you for all answering. Thank you Randy. I'm so sorry it is hard for you on these days,but I know why it can be. I did try to get John to send me a sign!? Is this nutty?! Some things have happennd from the beganning of the illeness that is really weid. I have told the Minster about them.

Does anyone get that they just don't want to talk to anyone that day? It just seem's to hit me and I just want to be by my self.

Hospice has just sent me a letter of the pathways groups schedule and the Mourners's Bill of Rights.

I will think about going.

I may get one of those tear drop necklace, that you can put some ashes of loved one in it. It is sterling sliver.

Randy I may Pm you. You can me if you want.

I know what some of you's mean when people just think you should be over it in 2 weeks. Just sell everything and go on. Not when it took you 10 years to build up and in 7 mounths it all go's down the drain. You's lost it all and a soul you loved! I guess some day I will have too but for now I just can't do this. I have to try to keep it going and if it ends than I can say I tried.

Have bitter sweet memories this Valtime day. Oh my sp sucks!