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Guest bbypookins

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Guest bbypookins

Hi everyone. I am so glad I found this place. My mother, Judy, was just diagnosed two days ago with stage III (don't know if it's A or B) squamous cell carcinoma. They said it is inoperable because it is in the lymph nodes between the lungs, or something like that. Although the tumor itself is only 2 cm, they also suspect fluid around the heart, in which case radiation is not an option, only chemo.

I can't even begin to express how devastated we are. My mother and I are extremely close and I depend on her a lot. I am 35, single and I live about two miles from my parents; my childhood home. My mother and I both suffer from anxiety/panic disorder so we don't handle stress well at all. Right now I feel like if she dies, I will die to. I can't imagine living without her, although I have a great dad and sister. My mother has always been there for me for even the smallest things. All I want to do is curl up in my bed and sleep. Work helps to keep my mind off of it, but being home is difficult. I used to just sit and watch TV most of the time, but now I can't do nothing, I have to do something constantly to keep my mind active or else I start imagining that she's going to die and the panic starts creeping in. She wants to fight, but she is very scared. She is afraid of how the treatments will make her feel.

Right now we are hoping against all hope that the echocardiogram she has on Monday will not show that it has involved the heart. We are not religious people, so we don't pray, in fact, I'm an atheist. I wish I believed in god so I would feel as though praying helped, but instead, I talk to my grandfather (her dad) who passed away about six years ago. I just ask him to give her strength and do whatever he can to keep her here with us as long as possible.

I feel guilty that I haven't married and given her grandchildren, something she always wanted. My sister is divorced with no children either. I also feel it's very unfair as both my parents had their parents live to nearly 90 and my grandmother (her mom) is still alive at 91. I always assumed I would have my parents just as long.

I apologize for babbling, but I just need to get this all off my chest. I feel I have no one to talk to. I have friends, but they don't seem to understand the closeness my mother an I have because they are all married with their own kids. Any advice or support you can give will be immensely appreciated. I would especially love to hear from someone who has experience the same type/stage/prognosis. Thank you so much for listening. I'm sure I will return here often.

-Kim

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Welcome, I hope you find the support you need here with us. You know I hope there is medicine that will help you with those panic attacks. You should ask your doctor. At this web site there is a list of important facts you need to know as a lung cancer support person.

http://www.blochcancer.org/

Also at http://www.chemocare.com

Keep us posted how you people are doing. Donna G

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The beginning is so hard Kim. We all know what you're going through. You and your mom need to both get anti anxiety meds if you don't have them already so you can focus on the fight ahead. Although they say your mom is inoperable now, once she starts treatment, the tumor may shrink enough to be removed.

I also ask those that have passed away for help. I figure they have more pull over there than I do!

Wishing you and your mom all the best.

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Hi Kim,

Sorry to hear about your mom. As your mother starts on her journey it is important to stay focused and positive on what she/you can and need to do. Take one day at a time, take one step at a time. Do not dwell on the past we cannot change it. Do not dwell on the future it is not hear yet. Talk to your (mom / you) doctors about your stress. It is understandable to feel that way. They should be able to help you. Also try to keep yourself busy. As far as treatments go. They have medications to help your mom get thru the chemo. Join a support group for both your mom and yourself. Click on the website below. They have sites in your state. Hope this helps. Take care and God bless.

http://www.thewellnesscommunity.org/default.htm

Rich :lol::lol::lol::lol:

PS: It's great that you are so close to your mother!!!! :lol::lol::lol::lol:

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Kim,

Am so sorry your mom is now a lc survivor for a survivor she will be. Don't bury her now. Give her the chance she so much deserves. Help her to have courage that will come from deep inside both of you. don't dwell on what might be, only dwell on today and what you and your dad can do to help mom see that there is an abundance of hope. As you stay on this board you will start noticing how many survivors there are here and how many caregivers there are to help our loved ones survive through this horrible time in both their and our lives.

We all know that moms are the greatest thing that ever came along. For how many times have you watched tv sporting games and during half times you see all the different players say "HI MOM" to the TV camera, never hi dad or wife or girlfriend, - - always mom..... We all have loved or do still love our moms as you do but we all know that everyone of us has a date with the other side and when that day comes, nothing will stop it....but that is not right at this moment so we carry on and help our loved ones as best as we can...

I know you do not believe as I do but I am still going to say a pray everynite for your mom.

Hang on tight for it will be like a rollercoaster ride when treatments start. Some days everyone will be up with joy and other days down with heartache but that is part of the game of lung cancer. It is hard for all concerned to go through but it can and does work for many.....

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Hello Kim and welcome, so very sorry to hear of your mom. You will find much support, good information and very caring people here. Glad you found us and know that you are not alone.

God bless, be well and you and your mom will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Bobmc- NSCLC- stageIIB- left pneumonectomy- 5/2/01

" absolutely insist on enjoying life today!"

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Hi Kim, I also have sqamous cell stage 3a/b they never said which one, and at 1st was told I was inoperable due to met to lymph nodes, I had two rounds of chemo, had another cat scan and the surgeon decided to operate. Never give up hope, Wishing you and your mom the best.

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Guest bbypookins

You are all so fabulous you just make me want to cry. Finding this place makes me feel like I'm actually doing something. To me, just being able to talk about it is doing something!

I forgot to mention in my first post that my mom is also diabetic. Does anyone else have experience with LC and diabetes? She's supposed to have a PET scan on Wednesday but they won't do it unless she can keep her blood sugar below 150 for three mornings in a row. Well, that's already not working. The stress of this situation has made her levels skyrocket. Apparently the stuff they inject for the scan has a high sugar content, or something like that, so they're afraid of how it's going to affect her. So far, luck hasn't been on her side. Her lung collapsed when they did the biopsy a week ago and she was in the hospital for two days.

We are both on meds for our anxiety/panic problems and have been for years. Her doctor gave her a stronger prescription of Xanax to 1mg after she was diagnosed because the .25mg just wasn't cutting it anymore.

I went to a party at a friends last night. I wasn't going to go but thought the socialization would be good for me and help me get my mind off things for a while. It did. I'm so glad I went; I had a great time. However, I was supposed to go with my mom and sister to an art show this morning, but because I was out so late last night I couldn't muster the energy. I could sense from my mother that she was upset. I think she feels we won't have many chances to do these kinds of things together much anymore so I feel guilty. Mom is great at making people feel guilty.

Thanks again to all of you. I definitely don't feel as alone anymore. :)

-Kim

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Hi Kim,

My Dad was also a diabetic (long before his diagnosis). When treatment for LC began and he lost his appetite, the treatment for high sugar went by the way side. They took him off of his sugar medication because he just wasn't eating enough for them to regulate the sugar. There were times when he was feeling better and eating better but they still never put him back on his diabetic medication. That seemed to take a back seat to everything else.

You hang in there and sometimes you will have to be strong when your Mom can't be. I was the one that did all the researching and studying so that I knew what we would have to do. Not everyone likes to be right in there learning all the details but I found that I can help better and fight more when I have all the information available to me. I haven't been a member here long, but I know it is an amazing place for answers and support.

-Kris

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Kim, sorry about your mom. Yes, you do need to do normal things and fun things to keep your sanity, but you also have to balance that with what your mom needs. My wife is much more aware of what her children and grandchildren do or don't do for her, because she feels the time crunch. I had to take my older son aside and tell him that these are not normal times, and it is not business as usual. That he needed to call and visit more often than he is used to, even though he has his own business and a family. He got the message. I think you can learn from what happened to you -- perhaps go to the party, but not stay so late that you would miss an opportunity to do something with your mother. Good luck. Don

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HI Kim, and welcome,

My mom, Judy B on the board, also has squamas (spelling, sorry I suck at it) and they told her two years ago they couldn't operate and they did, and she is still here, and on the board. She is amazing. Anyhow, I know how hard it is when you first find out. (I went through hell)I am also single and 34 and I felt that same way, I have no kids, husband, and I didn't want Mom to die and think I was all alone, but she is surviving and fighting.

Also listen it is a major rollar coaster, serously it can go from she's going to die to she has many years to live in just a matter of hours, so hang in there. I know it is hard.

Maybe you can get other opinions? Check every option.

Also there is a chat here on Wed nights, at 8 PM Eastern, you should check it out. (Hint; You must be logged onto the main board, not just the message board to get in)

Okay, I am rambling cuz I am tired, sorry.

We are all here for you, to vent, to lean on, to ask questions, whatever.

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Kim,

I am so sorry to hear about your mom! When I read your post, I felt a lot of it explained how I felt...especially in the beginning. My mom and I are best friends (I am married with a baby) and we do so much together. She is a true constant in my life and we can count on each other for anything. When we were given the diagnosis (inoperable stage IIIB) all I could do was cry and think about my mom dying. I too constantly kept busy, so I wouldn't have to stop and think about the cancer.

My mom is a very strong person and she raised me that way too, so I finally decided I needed to pull myself up by the boot straps and take charge in anything I could. I found this group of amazing people, who have helped me more than they know. I ask questions here and push my mom's doctors. I help my mom with anything she needs (I too live very close to my childhood home), go to doctor appointments with her and recently I am organizing a fundraiser for November's Lung Cancer Awareness month. Feeling at least like I can take a little bit of control back really helps.

I also realized my mom is still alive and let's enjoy this time together. There are days she is too tired or short of breath to enjoy an outdoor activity, so I go sit and visit with her. She has told me that just knowing I am there for her brings her much comfort.

Don't get me wrong, I have my days that I feel I can't move because I am so sad. I had to see my mom in pain or suffer. That is when I lean on the group here or my personal support network of friends and family.

The beginning was so scary for me. Feel free to send me a personal message, if you have any questions or need any support.

Take care of yourself! You will need to also do that to help your mom too.

Andrea

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Welcome... Sorry you have to be here.. but glad you found this site. It's been helpful to me already and I haven't been here long.

My mother has stage IV NSCLC, diagnosed in 99. She and I also very close. And I live in my childhood home!! My parents sold it to my husband and I a couple years ago. My parents built a house a couple miles from us so we are still really close.

It has been really hard to do what others suggest here and to not look back and not look forward. But we do take every day as it comes, make plans for trips, holidays etc. Try your best to make the best of every day.

Amy

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