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Has anyone heard from Grace today?


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I'm here...thank you for all of your concerns, Carlton is stable, by that meaning that he is considered in a "semi-comatose" state, his vitals are stable and they seems to have gotten his seizures under control.

But i'm totally a wreck, today here outside is just a mess and I couldn't go up to the hospital to see him, so last night I bought him up a get well card from my oldest daughters' class and a silk red rose and a valentines' day card from me. It was so difficult to pick one out, everything I read one, it was too much, a women beside me in the store was trying to pick one out for her husband and turned to me and said, it's so difficult, if she only knew....

People tell me I am strong, but i'm not, I'm just numb, I break down so very often, I'm so heartbroken, and can't sleep, eating junk and just forgetting everything...

I was lying in bed last night thinking about when I would come here and read when others were going through your/their losses, my heart would always go out and I would say, sorry and send prayers, but now it is happening to me and I now "get it"..and Carlton is still here..but I know when he passes ( and the drs. don't think it will be very long - his onc. said perhaps 2 weeks at the most. - but no one really knows) I will go through this hideous grief, the longing for my love, my life, the only man I ever wanted.

but tonite, he "sleeps" in ICU, still waiting for a bed in a private room. and Yes, I made the decision, that I wanted him at the hospital till the end, no "nursing home" and for him to come home now, it's not an option. I guess this is just the way it was meant to be, but it's happening so fast..

but at least for now he isn't in pain, I will be up to see him tomorrow, I'll talk, give him kisses, help wet his lips, watch some tv, read to him, remenis about everything and anything. While I sit and hold his hand...I'm still looking for a sign...I still don't know if it will happen...

once again, you all mean so much to me....I know it may be anytime of day or nite when it is too much, but you will all be here.

much love


ps thats' a pic of Carlton - it was taken at Lake Champlain, Vermont this summer.....it was our last family vacation together

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