Kathleen1 Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 Mom has been gone just under six months. We are from Wisconsin but Mom and Dad had a retirement home in Florida that Mom loved very much. Lots of memories there for Mom, Dad and I. Husband and I are driving Dad down to Florida next week for the first time since Mom passed. Our first chance to be there. Two weeks ago, my much older sister told me she was there and threw out all of Mom's cosmetics and toiletries. I wished she hadn't until we got there. She said she hadn't touched anything else. I asked that she not get rid of anything else until I can be there too (sister lives in Florida). She agreed. A few days ago she was there and decided to get rid of Mom's things. Clothes etc. She asked Dad and he said if it wasn't any good it could go. But I had already requested she NOT DO ANYTHING before I get there. Dad didn't know this and now feels terrible. My sister has always hated that Mom and I were so close. Very jealous of our relatinship. So on the phone a couple nights ago she tells me what she has done. I told her I really wished she hadn't. I was looking forward to seeing Mom's things. No matter how insignificant. I was looking for clothing to use for a quilt someone is making me from Mom's clothing. She sternly said "it doesn't matter". I told her it matters to me. She said Well, I'm sorry but its gone and there wasn't anything there you would have wanted anyway. I said how do you know what I would have wanted? She never apologized and then told me this: "Kathleen, I know YOU are still grieving, but its time you get over it and move on and let go of Mom's things..........." The conversation ended right there. My Mother has not been gone 6 full months yet. I have not yet, or Dad for that matter had a chance to go to their retirement home. A home where the last time Mom was there she was still healthy. I wanted so much to just savor her essence - even if it was just old clothing, toiletries, notes etc. I needed that and have been longing for that. Am I wrong to be upset? I feel my sister did this deliberately. Anyone who has known me for 5 minutes knows that I am very sentimental, she sure should have. And I requested this not be done. She requested that I not get rid of Mom's things at their Wisconsin home until she comes home again (by the way she is the only one who has not visited Dad since Mom passed) and I have honored that. Who is she to tell me when I can be done grieving or move on? This is the same woman who badgered me repeatedly for devoting most of my time to Mom and Dad from diagnosis to Mom's passing. I needed that time in Mom's favorite home. To somehow feel close to her. To touch her things from a time before she became so very ill. I was counting on that. How would you feel? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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