Debi Posted October 5, 2003 Share Posted October 5, 2003 Well, no one has posted again in almost a week, so here I go.... I'm feeling exhausted and like I can't do my job anymore. It's been 4 months since surgery and I still seem to get worn out easily. The initiative at work that I am exclusively responsible for starts ramping up this week. I have 20 people dedicated to it all year, and between now and December 6th, we will ramp up to 226 people. In addition to the initiative, I am still responsible for a total of 30 people on my 2 teams. I am 2 months behind in their monthly reviews, the VP is coming down in 2 weeks for the quarterly reviews which I haven't even started and my company is sending me to Virginia on business on October 19th to ensure that I will NEVER catch up!!! AT home, I haven't done a thorough cleaning in 2 weeks, I haven't even unpacked my fall clothes and forget decorating for Halloween. Grocery shop? I stop at the store daily or just pick up fast food which I know isn't great for me. I am starting to feel overwhelmed and feel like I have no recourse. I can't tell my boss that I can't DO this season..and I can't ask for special treatment since I am back at work. There are no other jobs in town at this point that will pay me what I need to make..and then there are the medical insurance issues. It always is very hectic and stressful this time of year and when I was healthy had a hard time handling it at times. I spent part of yesterday and today talking to training classes so lost my weekend to "recover" from the week and have no idea how I'm making it through the next 5 days. By the way, whenever I talk for more than 10 minutes straight I start sounding like Marilyn Monroe with a New York/Oklahoman accent. Today I told the class that I only had a little over one lung and limited breath so spare me the interuptions. Breezed through!! I'm only there for the rah rah part anyway!! Hard to rah rah when you have no breath!! Anyway...no solutions..just wanted to vent. I just want to feel normal again and wonder when and if I ever will. I'm so weak and tired..just got back from work and can't even clean. This is only the beginning..how am I going to get through this season.....?????? Tomorrow hopefully I will remember that I'm lucky to be alive...today I'm just frustrated and tired. Debi 47 years old stage 1a-nsclc Surgery June 16, 2003-upper & mid lobe removed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
norme Posted October 5, 2003 Share Posted October 5, 2003 Debi, Sure wish I had an answer to this for you. If I lived close I would clean your house which is the least important thing right now to worry about. I had a mth-in-law, God love her, who only cleaned once a year at best. My husband always said at least she could see what she was cleaning, not like me, can't tell if it is dirty or not. Does your daughter live near by. If so maybe she could relieve you of some of your jobs at home. No one can help you regarding your job at work unless you have a position where you can delegate some of the work to others without it being notices to much. Bosses always delegate. That is what makes for a good boss. I should think that it will take over a year to feel back to somewhat normal with the removal of major part/s of one's body. I know Buddy said just yesterday, "if I am suppose to be getting better, why don't I feel it. I am just as tired as I was and in as much pain as i was after the operation." I can only tell him and you, it is going to take a lot of time. Another thought, are you close to your x. If so maybe he can give you some assistance at home or what about relatives. Maybe one could come and stay with you for a few months. Oh Debi, I am beating my brain trying to come up with something for you for you sure do deserve it... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debi Posted October 5, 2003 Author Share Posted October 5, 2003 Norme, Guess you and Buddy aren't up to another road trip, huh? You could come clean my house... I'll buy the six pack for the road!! Seriously, thank you so much for your reply. I will be alright...I am just having one of those days. I don't really post when I feel good..so unfortunately, you all get to "see" my whining!! I just got off the phone with my best friend at work who is managing the other huge initiative...he is feeling the same as I am and he HAS both lungs!!! My job just totally sucks...reason why I wanted to leave...but I have to stay right now. Oh, and forget about delegating... corporate doesn't "believe" in that!! All this and they pay me $15,000 below the average salary for my job...whine whine whine. I HATE MY JOB!!! There..I feel better!! My daughter lives about 3 hours north of me but she has 4 kids (not including her husband LOL). I feel guilty for not going up by her and helping HER out so that is not an option!! My ex is here and actually helping with my son....kind of like selling your soul to the devil but at least my son gets a ride home from pre-k!! I hate to hear that Buddy does not feel good but in a way, it does help me. I've never been really sick in my whole life so this is all new to me and I keep getting impatient with myself. It helps to know that other people feel the same as I do. THanks again Norme...it is always so comforting to read your posts!! Big hugs to you and Buddy and I hope you guys have a great week!! Debi 47 years old stage 1a-nsclc surgery June 16, 2003-mid & upper lobe removed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dadstimeon Posted October 6, 2003 Share Posted October 6, 2003 Hi Deb, Have you talked to your doctor? I’m sure he/she can give you something for the fatigue. Ask him/her how long after surgery will you back to normal and what do you need to do to help the process. Also talk to your boss and explain your situation. It does not mean you cannot do the job or want special treatment. Most bosses are under standing when they know the situation. Don’t worry about a thorough cleaning at home. That’s wasted energy at this time. Just stay tidy until your ready. Perhaps a family member or friend can help you out. Stay positive and take one day at a time. Take one step at a time. Prioritize what really needs to be done. You can do it. Hope this helps. Take care and God Bless. Rich Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted October 6, 2003 Share Posted October 6, 2003 Debi, Dr. Snow here.... For the fatigue, I suggest at least 10 hours of sleep every night and weekends spent in a bathrobe and a good book. For the issues at work, do what I did - Zoloft or Wellbutrin....and eventually finding a new assignment. (Mine was in the same company, no pay loss, same benefits, etc.,...but I'm "just" an office professional... ) Junk food binges will make you gain weight - another stressor. (I know, I LOVE Double Stuf Oreos and they were 2/$4 at the grocery store...so I bought 2! I'm just thankful they weren't 3/$5 or I would have eaten THREE packages all by myself!) I'm not sure if I'm gaining weight or if I'm bloating...I don't think it's possible to gain 15 pounds in three weeks, is it? I haven't actually stood on the scale, but I'm back in my "fat jeans" that I wore 15 pounds ago. ARGH! (Anyone NEEDING the weight, I'm willing to give a fat transplant! I can't even walk the block without getting winded, how am I supposed to EXERCISE?? Have to take a half hour break after making the bed!) I hope it gets better for you and you can take some vacation time...even if you don't have the $$$ to go away, turn the ringer off on your phone, have the post office hold your mail, the paper boy not deliver and vacation "at home"! If everyone thinks you went somewhere, they won't be calling....hehehe Hang in there...(back to "Trading Spaces" for me...$100,000 edition!). P*ss & moan all ya like, you know you'll be okay and back for more as soon as you get your second wind! Becky aka Snowflake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
norme Posted October 6, 2003 Share Posted October 6, 2003 If I had a six pack on the road, I would never get there. X's aren't to bad when needed, it's just when not needed. Hope you have a pleasant day today...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted October 6, 2003 Share Posted October 6, 2003 It's going to take awhile to get over major surgery. It took me longer than 4 months to recover from having my gall bladder out! I will tell you that one of the best things I ever did in my life was to hire someone to come in and clean once a week. It is heaven, and I know that even if it doesn't last, it was cleaned one time that week! If I lost my job I would be on the road with a sign, "Will Work for Cleaning Lady." So how about checking the ads and having someone come in once in awhile at least till you're feeling up to doing it yourself? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted October 6, 2003 Share Posted October 6, 2003 Try that primal scream therapy....helps to reduce your stress AND scares the hell out of everyone within earshot! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debi Posted October 7, 2003 Author Share Posted October 7, 2003 Thanks for all the posts of sympathy...I appreciate it. I have been thinking about getting a cleaning lady..I used to have one when I lived in NY and actually earned a living wage. I might get one to save my sanity. I did go to my boss this afternoon and tell him that I cannot do the work of 3 people anymore...and it has nothing to do with my lack of lung lobes. This job is crazy and what they expect of me is nonsense. Today was sheer madness and I just got home...2 hours late. And this is only the beginning of October..have 3 months of this crap to go. Talking to him probably did nothing other than get me through the day but oh well. I made it through. Thanks for the sympathy Snowflake !!! Seriously, I have been eating like a horse...gained all the weight back that I had lost. And, don't hate me all..I have been having smoking dreams every friggin night. I'm sure it has to do with the piles of stress at work...and I don't intend to go back to smoking but man...it's hard these days. I find myself actually salivating for a cigarette on an hourly basis. Don't want to do the patch or gum because its not a physical addiction...just in my head. Anyway, thanks again for all your replies..... you all are nice to come home to!! Debi 47 years old stage 1a-nsclc Surgery June 16, 2003-mid & upper lobe removed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiny Posted October 7, 2003 Share Posted October 7, 2003 Debi- Wow, what a load! The only good advice I have is let the house go...I've discovered that dusting 4 times a year (once a quarter) seems to be plenty! Or, if you can afford it or it will help your sanity, spring for the cleaning lady. My best thoughts are with you and I wish I could offer something more substantial. STRESS! ARRRRGGGGG Not what you need now, but you can DO this! Love and Hugs, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted October 7, 2003 Share Posted October 7, 2003 I always had a cleaning person. When Earl and I married and we both worked I asked him which half of the house he wanted to clean. The look on his face was priceless. We got a cleaning person. When he got sick, I panicked. Fired cleaning person. After 6 months I realized that 1. I had forgotten how to do it and 2. I REALLY did not want to do it. Agree with Ry, will work for cleaning woman. Now we have a cleaning 'man' every two weeks. It keeps the health department out. I figure I work 1 day every two weeks to keep my cleaing man, get my hair cut and colored every 5 weeks and get my nails (with gels) done every two weeks. Earl being sick is torture, I don't need to be mad at this disease because it has changed every aspect of my life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
norme Posted October 7, 2003 Share Posted October 7, 2003 Ginny, I wish I was getting married for the first time again for I would use your 1st paragraph. that is the best advise I have ever heard for a married couple and both working. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
norme Posted October 7, 2003 Share Posted October 7, 2003 Debi, You just brush that cigarette DEVIL right off your shoulder. Just read your medical history again. that will take away that desire..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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