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Long Days


Candy

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Its been a week today. The days just seem to DRAG by now. I have never felt so alone in my entire life. I sure hope this gets better soon. Even when I am surrounded by people I feel alone.

I made myself go for a walk today with my sister-in-law, I didn't find any happiness in it but I guess I felt better for being out. I will go back to work tomorrow. Some people have expressed suprise at that. I have been out for 3 weeks and I don't really care if I go back or not but it has to be better than sitting in this house missing Hugh. It will at least give me something to do. I don't know how I will leave the driveway without Hugh standing out there waving to me. I don't know how I will be able to drive home knowing he won't be there when I get there.

I guess there are legal things I have to deal with, I haven't even begun to think about that yet. I do know I have to call Social Security and that is about all I know right now.

I am really scared that I will have to deal with this feeling of overwhelming grief and lonliness forever. I don't think I could bear that. There just doesn't seem like there is anything that could ever make me really happy and content again..... Sleep, eat, put one foot in front of the other, remember to breathe, try to smile or speak at the appropriate times.

I really hate this.

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Candy - I'm sorry that you are hurting so badly. You describe common reactions to loss and grieving. Feeling like nothing is enjoyable; missing him terribly; and wondering if you will ever be okay are perfectly normal. You are right to return to work - it will help make things seem normal. And eventually, you will learn to live a different life without your beloved Hugh. The loss will never go away, but you will learn to live with it. My best wishes to you in your grief. - Teresa

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Candy,

My heart hurts for you tonight. I can't and don't want to imagine what you are feeling. It is so horrible to have to go through such a horrible disease with a loved one and then to loose them after all the struggle is not right.

I hope that somehow you find your way through all the family matters one must do during this time. I do know one thing to help you and that is Social Security's toll free number of 1-800-772-1213.

Take as much time as you need, nothing is that important that it can't wait a month or so. HOpe work helps you out some to take your mind away from these problems.

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Candy -

I'm so so sorry for your loss. It's hard for anyone not going through it to believe how incredibly hard it is. We are never prepared. Your husband's turnaround in the hospital is very similar to that of my husband. He didn't however, believe that he was dying until very close to the end and by that time he was unable to talk because of a breathing tube. So now, in addition to missing him terribly, I have many of those things around the house that your husband was able to tell you about that I'm trying to figure out.

I can so relate to your trip to the store to get dog food. There are so many, many routine chores that are tied up with memories. And we're torn between wanting to get past the things that trigger the crying jag and yet not wanting them to disappear so totally from our lives. And so many of our routines are tied to them -- as you found, grocery shopping -- it's hard to look at the items that were always on the list because he liked them and now I have no reason to buy them.

The garage is filled with tools that I'll never use, but I can't even think right now about disposing of any of them. I'll have to wait until a brother-in-law or close friend can come and help me.

I agree with other posters that returning to work is good. I too dreaded leaving without the goodbye and returning to an empty house -- after a few days, it got easier, although the lonely feeling is still there. It's been a little over a month since my husband's death and I still have not had his name taken off car and house insurance -- even though I'm sure the car insurance premiums will go down and several other such things I haven't done. I have contacted Social Security -- needed to do that one right away because he was retired and having benefits direct deposited. There are very few legal requirements in this regard, and most of it can wait until you're ready to deal with it. It is so incredibly hard to pick up the phone, knowing you'll have to say those unbearable words "my husband died".

I'm glad to hear you went for a walk -- I have a neighbor that I've walked with for years, and I had lots of excuses not to go after Chuck died, but once I did I found the fresh air and the exercise do help to relieve the stress.

I wish I could tell you something to make this all more bearable, but there is nothing. There is no going around grieving, only going through it. It is so easy for my mind to accept that he is not suffering and he would want me to go on and not be so sad, but my heart is having no part of it!

Do you have children, Candy? My daughter lives here in town and is my salvation. I hope you have someone close to help you though this. Please feel free to PM me anytime if you want to talk. It does help to vent.

I'm praying for both of us and the others who are grieving to find more peace and less pain with each day that passes.

Gloria

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Candy,

You know my heart is breaking for you....looks like Tim and Hugh will be together soon...Tim has been in an out of conciensous all day. I regret that we never got to meet up for dinner, the four of us because I think Tim and Hugh would have gotten along fantasticly (we alreadly know we do !)

I hope that somehow God gives you some peace...knowing that the suffering is over...

You know I am thinking of you....I have been sleeping on the couch besides Tim's hospital bed and when I lie there and think, you and Hugh are always present and in my prayers...

You know I am here for you...

Love,

Kathy

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Hi Candy,

Very sorry for loss the of your beloved Hugh. Time will ease your grief and loneliness. It is best to go back to work to keep yourself busy. Perhaps volunteer work at the American Cancer Society or The Wellness Community (in Hugh’s Memory) might help also. There are a lot of people who would benefit tremendously from your experience. I go to the The Wellness Community myself for support. I live in Medford, MA. Hope this helps you. Take care and God Bless.

Rich

Quote: Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.

Harriet Beecher Stowe

http://www.cancer.org/docroot/home/index.asp

(American Cancer Society)

http://www.thewellnesscommunity.org

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Candy,

I am so sorry for your loss.

I think going back to work is a good idea.

When I was very young I had a sister that passed away very suddenly from a strep infection. Years later, my mother told me that going back to work helped her get through it. She had to go somewhere every day and put the grief to the side and deal with other things.

I hope your pain eases with time.

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