Treebywater Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 So I have been thinking of my grief as it is now. I have been thinking about how... Part of me is as present to the grief and missing of Mom as I ever was. I keep thinking about how... everything is different now. And today it occurred to me that maybe it's not only grief, but the fact that my Mom's illness, her death, the months after, the grieving.... they've all redefined my life. Totally. I am a new person. I am a different person than I was the day before my Mom was diagnosed. I am a different person than I was the day my Mom died. (Even as I am the "same old Val" I ever was). I know that part of grieving is re-inventing yourself... Learning to live in a world without someone who was so important to you and becoming you in a new way as a result. I don't know... Maybe I am just trying to justify the reasons that I still think of it so much. That it still occupies such a large part of my heart and mind, even though I try very hard to move forward and not let it rule my life. My Mom's illness and death were defining moments (months? years?) for me. Moments when everything was changed. Moments that made me look at life, myself, the world, God, and people around me in a whole new light. The fact is, it all changed my life. And I'm still learning who I am after the fact. I'm still in the middle of the changes. And I think *that* is what keeps me so mindful of it now. I feel like a new person that I'm not familiar with yet. My life feels like a new life that I'm not comfortable in yet--especially with impending family changes coming. A woman in my Bible Study shared today that after any major life transition: Death, divorce, birth of a child the "experts" (whoever they are) say it takes us three years to really adjust. So by that marking stick I'm only half-way into this adjustment period... Anyway. It's disjointed, but those are some of my thoughts today.... Do they make sense to anyone? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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