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I'm sorry I've been gone so long


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I have kind of been busy with the kids and their school and such... we took them to Disneyland at the end of February. It broke my heart being there, thinking if mom had won, or at least was still fighting, she would be there with us, like so many others, tagging along, watching the joy in her grandchildrens eyes, and giving us a hand. I feel so selfish to say this, but I talk to my girlfriends whos' mom has their kids over for sleepovers or Sunday dinner and I am jealous.

Every day, as you all know, hurts and is hard, but it is getting a little better. My step dad has continued his move forward and lives with his fiance in an apartment while her house is being remodeled (do I need to add that my moms life insurance is making their life together very luxurious?) Once the house is gone (up for sale APril 1st) it will be over as far as he is concerned. I am not sure I can continue on, it just hurts me too much.

I am so sorry to see that Frank lost his battle, I always just assumed he would win and it hurts my heart every time I read that another has lost their battle with this awful disease.

It was nice to read about Don and see most everyone agree, that we get more used to this new normal as time moves on and slowly some little joys in life return, though the pain is still there just under the surface, as Val says, to be brought out by a greeting card... I cry over them all too, Val. Even when I buy them, I glance over a the cards meant to give to your mom, sometimes I even pick them up and read them, it hurts, I cry, I often have to leave before I can find the card I need. She mailed cards to us for everything, Valentines, Easter, St PATs even.. she was only a mile away but she always mailed them to me and the kids.

By the way, I am guessing you have a new baby by now?

I pray and think of you all often, the month of April is soon upon me and although I wish I could just skip it, I will probably wallow in it instead. Oh I miss her so much my heart sinks and the inside of my nose burns and I choke it back and go try to find some of that joy I was talking about. Like Lori said, I DO WANT to feel better, some days it is just hard to get through without it consuming me.

Love and Prayers to everyone!

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Hi Kim! I think of you often and I am glad you have been stopping in and updating on you and the kids. I will keep you in my thoughts as April approaches. In my own grief, it has helped to plan something for "those days". Usually I am with my family and we do something in remembrance. Maybe it will help. I know other people prefer to plan nothing and just "be" whatever they need to be that day. I am here for ya girl and so glad you are keeping in touch. XOXOXO

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Hi Kim

I totally understand...It is so very hard some days to focus on the good memories we have of our mom's. There are days I just want to see her, have a cup of coffee and just plain ol' visit. It is at the simpilest momements I miss her most.She too would send us a card for every occassion and I really miss those. It makes card giving hard for me, going and picking one out is like a chore. Just know that we are here for you and please feel free to shoot me a pm anytime.

Hugs and Prayers


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Hi Kim, I have been away from this site for a while too. I am glad to hear you are finding more joy in life now. I totally understand the bitter-sweet that accompanies every joy you encounter.

I find that my memories of my Mom are becoming less about when she was sick and more about how she was before all of that happened. I picture her before she lost her hair and lots of weight and that feels good.

I too am very jealous of friends who's kid spend a lot of time with their grandparents. I think that's pretty normal and not selfish at all.

Welcome back, we've missed you.


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Kim, it was quite a surprise to see your post. I am so glad you posted. You certainly have been busy and Iam sorry the passing of your mom is still feels so real to you.

Hope you stay with us. You don't have to constantly post, but just come on at times to give us an update of how you are doing.

Missed you,

Maryanne :wink:

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