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which is worse


crystleshoe

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Sometimes I find my self wondering if we didnt push mom to go for the last round of chemo "would she still be here?" I feel like we should have slowed things down and let her get stronger before we put her body through that again. The doctors said her blood was good and that it would be ok but I cant help feeling that I should have seen that she was not ok. I know that sclc is fast growing but I keep thinking that without treatment we may have had more time. It was only four months from dx to her death so I have to wonder " is it the cancer or the cure that kills?"

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Oh (((Crystle))), please don't take any more precious time second guessing what occurred. You did what should have been done ~ with the recommendation of the medical profession. SCLC is very aggressive. There is just no way to know what might have been. It could have been a terrible thing to have done nothing.

The best was done with the information that was available. Please try to find some comfort in that. I know I second guessed about my own mother some 22 years ago. It serves no purpose other than to just tear you up inside. I so hope you can let some of that go ~ for you mental health ~ really, no good can come of it.

Kasey

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I think we have all been down that "road of second thoughts" and it does absolutely nothing except torment us and casue us to develop an ulcer. My sweet Dennis also had extensive sclc and I have always asked myself the same questions. He had 10 months after diagnosis and most of those monts weren't great ones, due to the terrible effects the treatment had on his body. I often think I should have urged him to take "quality" over "quantity." The treatment choices were always made by Dennis and I tried to allow him to be the sole decision maker. So....now, four years after his death, I sometimes still question the way things happened. But, I have learned to accept the fact that I did everything in my power to save his life. I sought out the best medical professionals in our area. I gave him the absolute best of care. I told him that I loved him often. So, I have no doubts that everyting was done that could have been done. Time will make things easier to deal with. Just try and remember that you did your very best.

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So true - we really do all second-guess - can't seem to help it. I'm sure you did the best you could with the situation as it was and the information you had. Yes, the cancer can definitely move that quickly. My husband was diagnosed with NSCLC at the end of July and was gone on Sept. 1 - he was willing to do whatever treatments were recommended for him, but didn't even make it to the first radiation treatment. So it definitely was the cancer and not the cure in his case.

Try not to think about what was or wasn't done - coulda, shoulda, mighta been, - but remember how much love you gave her, and know that with time - probably a lot of time - your brain will revisit the events after diagnosis less frequently and focus more frequently on all the pleasant memories from before that time. What you are feeling is normal and happens to most of us.

Grief is very hard.

Wishing you the best.

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The Coulda, shoulda, wouldas, and 5$ will get you a small latte at starbucks. YOU DID EVERYTHING YOU COULD!! don't feel guilty for anything. Sometimes taking a break is worse than not taking a break. DEb took a break with NSCLC and she lost her fight. Do not let it consume you. Remember the love and affection and the good times you had instead of the cancer, and the bad days. thats what I try to do. Sending prayers for a better day tomorrow.

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I wonder the same thing. I wish that we never pushed my mom to enter a new study. I think that it was the thing that made her cancer grow faster instead of stopping it.

She hated taking all those pills. It made her so weak she wasn't eating anymore. But on the other hand if we didn't push her I am sure right now I would be here telling you I should of push for it. But you do still wonder I think is normal.

Don't beat yourself over it. It will drive you crazy.

Hang in there!

martha

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Living in "what-if" world is maddening. There won't ever be answers, and it will chip away at your core...

Let's say she took a chemo break, and there was great progression or she passed away a month earlier...then you would have wondered if she would have survived longer had you kept going with the chemo.......right?

The only thing you can be certain of is the love you shared...and the memories you made together. All the choices and paths taken were made out of love and the information presented to you. Try to hang onto that.

I do understand exactly how you feel....I felt that way with my dad three years ago...and after the sudden death of my mom last month, I have visited the "what-if" world several times.

I guess I should take my own advice! :wink:

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Thank you ll so much for putting things into perspective for me. You are right of course, if I did things different then I would be ???? that also. It just seems like we had such a short time with her and I feel like there are so many things I didnt say or do because I wanted to wait till she was feeling better. And now I am so afraid that all I will remember are the months that she was sick when the reality of it is that I had 42 awesome years with her. I think today I will take out some photos and just remember the good times.

Thanks for listening

Cheryl

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If Woody would have gone straight to the police, none of this would ever have happened...

But if we did or didn't do different treatments doctor visits, chemo, radiation...maybe it wouldn't have happened the same way, but it basically would have happened.

I am fairly certain, if mom didn't do radiation, she would not have died on October 5, at 7:30 AM...BUT I don't know when it would have happened.

Could have been earlier, could have been later, could have been easier, could have been worse. I tend to think it would have been later but worse...

I always say, were you guided by love in you decision making? Then you did the right thing.

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When we play "what if", we always assume the choice we didn't make would have been a better one. Well, you don't know that. It could result in the same outcome or it could be worse. It is a game we can only lose at and doesn't bring our loved one back. I am sure the loved one would not want you to agonize over this but for you to move toward peace. Don

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