a few thoughts about missing Mom

[melindasue37]

It has been 6 months (and one day but who is counting) since Mom passed away. Dealing with her death has been the hardest thing by far I've ever had to deal with. I think about her so much...think so much about her last few days...things I wish I would have said and things I would have done differently. If only one more day...one more time thoughts. Even after 6 months it seems like she is on the winter trip to Florida and will be coming home soon. Sometimes it is just SO hard to believe that she is really gone.

My sister and I are leaving next Thursday to spend a couple weeks in Florida with my stepdad. I am looking forward to seeing him but also know it is going to be very hard when we get there and Mom isn't there. I look forward to being in the motor home where everything reminds me of Mom. It was her favorite place to be. In fact, when Mom was very close to the end she woke up in the middle of the night and told my sister "Get my boots, I want to go to the motorhome."

It was one of those nights where she was talking to my Grandma and Grandpa who have already passed so at that point I think she had one foot over in the other world, but even in that state she still wanted to go get in the motorhome.

I can't help but wonder when I will begin to think about her and all the GOOD memories we had with her. When I talk to my stepdad or my brother/sisters about Mom we can't yet talk about her and smile and laugh because it is just too painful. She was such a bridge for my family. I don't think us girls realized how much we used my Mom as the therapist. We would always call her with all of our problems. She would always know what to say and she'd make us feel better at the end of the phone call.

My daughter just turned 13 and my son will soon be 14 and I am beginning to realize how difficult it is raise teenagers. I know....it is just beginning for me!! But, I would love to call Mom and tell her that I am finally realizing what all of us kids put her through.

I didn't mean for this to turn into a big vent post but it seems that I am doing just that so I am going to stop.

It is just a really difficult day for me....I miss my Mom so very much today.

Thanks for listening. Ya know, it really does feel good to get some of this out.

Melinda

[Kasey]

I still miss mine too, Melinda, and is has been 22 years. Still have her # memoriized and a couple of pieces of her clothing in my closet. Hope tomorrow is better.

XOXO,

KAsey

[Nick C]

I hear ya...

[crystleshoe]

I know how you feel. Sunday I went to church for the first time since my mom died. I thought it would be a nice surprise for my dad. I was raised in the church(so its like family) and it is so important to my parents but I have never been there without my Mom, well I barely made it thru the front door and my dad was crying and I was crying and I cried thru the whole service. It was such an important part of her life and i just kept thinking that she wont be there to see my kids get married there (all 3 of her girls were married there) and she wont be there teaching sunday school and planning the picnic and all the other stuff she did. When she was sick I could hope that everything would be ok and she would be doing the things she loved again but since she has passed away( I still cant bring myself to say died) everything is just so "bizarre". I also wish I had just one more day with her so I could tell her how much I love her and how great she was. Its crazy that I spent so much time with her when she was sick and it was still not enough. javascript:emoticon(':cry:')

[lionking]

i hear ya too. you know, it has been only not quite yet 2 months for me but i find myself going to my older sisters for right now. my oldest sister is a very nuturing soul by nature, i am taking a night class and i find her making me something to eat when i drop my daughter off ther so she can watch her while i go to class. nothing, nothing, nothing can ever take the place of my dear mom and in a lot of ways EVERYON falls short of who and what she is but i also am able to see the reorginazation of the family unit (im still very much numb!)

I also wish so badly i had one more hour, one more day, just hear her voice....i miss her so much, especially at night when i have time to just 'be'.

im thinking of you, and in that i find comfort that none of us is totally alone. thank God for lcsc!

[Ann]

Oh, Melinda, I know how hard all of this is for you. There's such a special love between a mother and her children...a love that can never be compared with any other love. Maybe being close to the motor home and some places that were so special to your mom will help recall some of the happy memories of times passed. Although we're always closely connected by heart strings, there are times that we just need physical places and things to connect to. Just always remember how much you loved your mom and know that her love will always be here for you.

[Mskim]

((((Melinda))))

I could have written your words myself, down to going out to the camper and her talking to her mom & dad who have beengone for a very long time....

once again and still my heart aches, I get everything you are saying. I jsut dream of talking to her one more time.

[ma's kid]

Just wanted to give you a hug, ((((Melinda))))

Libby