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Things that I have learned after he was gone...


EastCoastLadi

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Since Carlton death, I have come across some revelations that I quite didn't get while Carlton was sick until he was gone.

I learned that while I was caught up in my own active "anticipatory grief" that Carlton was slowly going downhill, not in obvious ways, but in what he did "behind the scenes" - meaning his own ways of taking care of things.

..His tools he would always take such metaculous care of I found some that were totally ruined

...The pellet stove that he wanted for so long and when we got loved so much, he over used it to the point that it broke down due to his inability to use common sense, the Carlton I knew would "baby" that stove.

....the clothes that he wrecked, because he was incontinent and didn't want me to know, until it was too late

..I've also learned ( up to this point ) that even though we are all unique, with our own circumstances and "stories", our grief is so similar, there are words written by others about the pain and sorrow, that I could have written myself

...I've learnt that my girls put on a better "game face" than their mom, but I've learnt that it doesn't equate to the amount of pain they are going thru...

..I've learned that people want to help you when they first find out, but then life goes on, for them.

I still have many things to learn

Grace

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((((((((((((((((Grace))))))))))))))))

Like you, I learned so many things after losing Dennis and I wish I had have been able to know about them before hand. I guess I had "tunnel vision" during the last half of his illness. I knew that death was at the end of the tunnel and I was so terrified of that day happening that I missed out on some of the things that were going on around me. Grace, I'm keeping you and the girls in my prayers. Don't ever think, not for one minute, that we have forgotten you.

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(((Grace))),

When I was at the stage you are at in your grief, things seemed so surreal. Everyone grieves differently, but I think all of us continue to make discoveries about our loved ones. These discoveries continue to come in different ways. Take care of yourself Grace and know that we are here with you and for you.

Love,

Sue

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A lot of that rings VERY familiar.

I went through Mom's checkbook and found that her handwriting went at least a month an a half before she told me there was something wrong.

I have discovered life does go on for people a little too fast for how I am healing.

I have discovered that mom didn't want me to have to deal with getting rid of a bunch of her stuff when I got the letter from the thrift store detailing all that had already been sold.

I wonder sometimes just what it was like to be her, as I am sure you do with Carlton.

I'm so sorry you are living this. But other's have been there too. So everything you write, there are people getting it.

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Oh Grace

There is much sadness and retrospect in the discovery part of our grief.

It is different for everyone, but you're right- where ever we are in our grief, there are things that we write that really hit home for so many here.

Some of what you wrote, I could have written.

Just know that we continue to be here for you, wishing you some comfort and peace if even in the smallest ways right now.

(((Grace)))

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