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Now how much weirder does it get? (It doesn't) Update 03/12


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Hello everyone. I guess Gerald and I are starting our real roller coaster journey now. After 1 week of breathing difficulty and nosebleeds and weakness...to the last couple of days - off balance -and yesterday and this morning very delusional and hallucinating - to now - quite alright. His chest xray showed progression and that was quite depressing for me (he knows nothing) Last night the nurse that comes daily figured that he should probably be admitted by Monday for good and that to keep an eye out for heart failure as he had many symptoms and does not look well at all. Rather sleepless night for me and for him a really great morning - "had a beer - smoked some cigerettes....tried to go in the garage for some butts that he left there and had breakfast downstairs in our "restaurant" with the guys from the job site"...yesterday he also met his two guardians - two indians with bandana's.....(I believe this as a true sign). Anyways to make a story short and not to ramble. I kind of believe it has gone to his brain again and/or that he is not going to be with us much longer. Maybe this is just my thinking but it is too wild. He isn't in much pain at all. And I keep giving him the tarceva on schedule cause you never know. I don't want him hospitalized while his sister and I can look after him here til closer to the time. So last night I was convinced this was it and now tonight I am thinking the opposite....that is the roller coaster we are on right now - anyone had similar experiences?

Heather

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Yes, I can definitely relate. Lucie was in the hospital for 11 days. She fought off the dehydration and the lung infection, but her heart, tired from all the treatment, gave out. Actually, that was more peaceful than the cancer getting her. I was torn each day on wanting to keep her here and wanting her to go in peace. I finally gave her permission to go toward the end, as did my daughter. She waited until my younger son was with her, and then she went. It was as she wanted. That was a very hard time for all of us, but we are better now. We miss her terribly but we are trying to move on, as she would want us to. I wish you peace as well. Don

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I am thinking of you tonight, Heather, and am so very sorry this is what is going on. I hope you can feel my thoughts trying to support you and hold you up. This disease gives good people WAY yo much to deal with, and I wish there was a way to take some of it away for you. Try to remain strong.....difficult to do.

KAsey

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(((Heather)))

I wish I could give you some answers, I know with my husband his prognosis was poor. All I can say, is be with him, putting my husband in the hospital, was one of the hardest thing I had to do, he was mad, but he couldn't understand, I told him the doctors wanted him there. It was the right decision, less then 3 days later, he had a major seizure and went into a coma, for 10 days, before he passed.

I don't know what will happen to your husband, but from my experiences, my husband needed the constant 24 hr care, that I as one person, even with some help, couldn't do.

I can tell you my husband wasn't in pain either, which is comforting to me.

... I'm here for you

Grace

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Heather, I just want you to know that I have been reading your posts and my heart goes out to you. Yes, living with cancer can be like riding a roller coaster, as we never seem to know what to expect next. I do agree, that there may come a time when you will need 24 hour assistance, as you have to look out for your own health and well being. Please know that we are thinking of you and saying prayers.

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It is too weird but then again it isn't. So many others have had the same stories. Gerald has deteriorated hugely in the last few days and definitely more so today and I hope that the remainder for his sake and ours are few. He is delusional 80 percent of his waking hours and we are using all time now to invite friends over to "converse" while he still can carry some sort of conversation. Today I went to the funeral home and did some pre-arrangements as when his family start to come from out east and west we will have a full house and it will be busy. Gerald's sister and I are going to keep him at home until he no longer realizes where he is. At that point we will probably no longer be able to manage and for the kids sake (and mine selfishly) it is easier for him to be at the hospital. Tomorrow his buddies are going to bundle him up and take him out to the back of our property by snow machine to his "sugar shack" that he and they boil maple syrup in and party in every year. You cannot value the importance of friends and family more at this point in time. This means so much right now I just pray he makes it to tomorrow - and how much he acknowledges or not, that it happens for him. I guess you really don't know how much you mean to people til something like this happens. Take care and I will let you know how it goes....Heather

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Heather,

What a strong woman you are.... May God Bless you and your husband and I hope he gets to make that ride out to the sugar shack... Even if Gerald is not totally aware of what he is doing, it would mean the world to his friends to take him out there one last time, may their wish come true. I am glad you have people surrounding you and Gerald at this time, it will help you survive the days, weeks and months ahead. I am praying for your family. Love, Sharon

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Oh (((Heather))), I just can't believe that I'm reading this about Gerald. I am very sorry things are moving this quickly and my heart is breaking for you. Glad to hear that you seem to be surrounded with loving friends and family. Here is hoping that Gerald will make it to his sugar shack. My prayers will be with you, Gerald, and the family.

You are handling this with such strength and grace. We are here for you.

Welthy

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What great friends you have to this for him. This is so wonderful. In the US we have many residential hospices for patients that do not want to be in a hospital but for whatever reason cannot be at home. Do you have anything like that near you? The one we have here is so nice, it is set up with areas for the family to gather, has a bed/window seat for a family member to sleep over, etc. You might want to check to see if you have one in your area.

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