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Not ready to give up


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My mom amazes me.

We got some mixed news last week. The good news is that her brain is still clear (empty-headed!). The bad news is her primary continues to grow (now at 11cm) and the tumor eating into her hip is still growing. This is even with trying new chemos, etc.

She is now at a point where she is trying things they originally told us were too dangerous for her (Carboplatin--too harsh for her kidneys, radiation to lung--too dangerous b/c the tumor is in the only 'good' part of her lung). The radiation onc. hasn't officially approved the radiation to the lung, but it is an option they are considering.

The Dr. has told her she can't go anywhere alone anymore (grocery store, dr. ofice, etc.). Her independent self HATES this. The primary is pressing on her lung so much that her breathing is quite compromised, even on constant oxygen. This causes her heart to start misbehaving, and gives her real problems.

She also can't do much of what she used to--her laundry, dishes, etc. I fill in where I can, around my family's busy schedule. I know that someday I will miss all of the time I spend over there, though it is often taxing on me now.

I am just beside myself, and so, so weary of this fight. Mom has such a good attitude. She says she feels like she is living on borrowed time (her predicted 'expiration date' expired 7 months ago) and she is determined to enjoy all she can. I need to borrow a page from her book. I really am trying.

She just amazes me.

Kelly

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Oh Kelly,

Your mom amazes me too.

I don't know where the strength comes from, but we get thru it, although often exhausted and a step away from insanity.

Your mom is a fighter, and you are your mothers daughter. You will be there for her in all the ways you can and there will be no regrets later.

Take some time just for you- to recharge, to cry or scream- or just for a moment of quiet.

I am sorry for the mixed results, but your mom wants to fight, and I am praying she outlives that expiration date by years and years- quality years!

My thoughts and prayers continue for Bev, for you and your family.

We are here for you- keep posting. Sometimes it's good to vent where we all understand.

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Kelly, now I can see where your get your fortitude and spunk!!! Yes, your mom is an amazing woman and truly an inspiration for all that are fighting this disease. Although it's hard to do, try to make some time to take care of yourself. I'll be saying prayers for both you and your mom.

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It is amazing how strong our survivor's are sometimes, isn't it? Your Mom stands as a strong inspiration to so many. I know how hard it is to lose that independence, as Tony's activities have also become curtailed by the oxygen/breathing issues. Your Mom will still be able to have little triumphs over this horrid disease. Just a ride in the car on a beautiful day can mean so much. Take care of yourself -- I truly understand when you say you are weary, it happens to most caregivers. Interesting how our "patients" give US the strength to carry on with the battle.

I hope there are better times ahead and new treatments to ease her breathing.

Welthy

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Kelly,

I am so sorry to hear this! But from everything I know about your mom, she is a fighter with great spirit and spunk, and she will persevere.

I do have to tell you that my mom was on the Taxol/Carboplatin combo and she did GREAT; in fact, it was THE thing that made her primary tumor disappear. And remember, my mom was on dialysis three days a week, 2.5 hours per day with just 17% kidney function. It did NOT affect her kidney function at all. Once a month she would get admitted for her chemo. Her schedule was as follows: Monday, Taxol, Tuesday Taxol/Carbo, then dialysis, and Wednesday Taxol. She usually got sick on Thursday and was fine the rest of the month.

I do realize your mom isn't on dialysis so this makes a big difference, but the key is that the Taxol/Carbo didn't make her lose and more kidney function; she had an option of other chemos which she was warned WOULD make her lose the 17% she did have.

I am thinking of your mom, and cheering for her on the sidelines.

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