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So different


KatieB

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Things are just so different. I realize in a million ways each day how much my life has changed- not only for me but for my kids, my future, even everyday things...

I hit a horrible traffic jam the other day going to pick up Kennedy from pre-school....the church were she goes to school is 1/4 mile from my parents house...and 45 minutes from me since I moved.

In the past this worked wonderfully since I would spend those afternoons with mom and we'd run errands or hang out or I'd have my laptop and I'd work while she sat next to me to talk.

Just having that option to call mom and say- hey, can you get Kennedy for me, I'm stuck in a traffic jam.....or I have a meeting today...or an appointment, etc...

I picked up my cell phone out of habit and then it hit me that my mom was forever gone- no longer an option or a part of my life. She had been ingrained in my life and my family life every single day for all of my adult life. I had depended on her and she on us for SO LONG...

Things are just so different and I am finding out just how different they are a million times a day.

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Yup.

Keri and I both had "one of those weekends". As Keri cried she said "She was just SO funny." I realized humor has left my life in a lot of ways.

Mom's furnace shut down, I had to get into the crawl space at her house to reset it. I had never been down there, I didn't even know where the thing was. So as I am in the crawl space, my urge was to call her. Obviously, if she was here I wouldn't even be in the crawl space. But when I don't know how to navigate (crawlspaces or anything else in life) I would have called my mom.

I also would have leaned on mom for help with Kids if we had them. Now I am petrified to do this some day without her.

So yes Katie, things are SO DIFFERENT!!! Boy do I get it!

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I'm sorry Katie, I know there will forever be that overwhelming void in your life..Your dear mom was a huge part of your life, especially after your dad passed..Keep sharing your thoughts with us maybe it will help you find your peace and you can start to heal...

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Katie,

I know what you are feeling. I've thought to myself that I haven't talked to Mom. I need to call her and then reality hits and it hurts so darn much.

All I can say is that I completely understand and that we are all here for you.

This is a VERY rough time for you, Katie.

Lean on us when you need to and hopefully all the love and support will make you feel a little bit better.

Warm Hugs,

Melinda

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Yes, this is exactly what I was talking to you about the other day! It is a huge reality slap when you need your parents, not just want, but need them. Most people our age have their parents and we don't. It makes it that much harder to manage our crazy lives. I want my mama. I need my mama. Sucks sucks sucks...

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Katie-

It's so, so sad. I wish I could say something comforting or inspirational, but I feel like you do. I had the same relationship with my mom, especially with regard to my kids. Same type of thing, if something was going on I'd just call my mom and she'd help out, or we'd sleep over there in bad weather, or whatever. I was at the mall with my daughter today for a special birthday outing - she turned 4 - and all I could think of was how my mom would come over on days like this and join us. Mom was NEVER able to leave the food court without buying a little bag of cookies at Mrs. Field's for the kids. So today in memory of her I bought my daughter a big peanut butter cookie and watched her sit and eat it so joyfully, and I had big tears in my eyes. I wished my mom was there to see my only little girl growing up before my eyes. I so wanted her continued wonderful influence on my kids...

Sorry, I digress. Yes, you are right, things have changed forever and it's so unbelievable. Life as we knew doesn't exist anymore. And it seems to get harder rather than easier, as time passes. We really start to realize what we're missing, as daughters AND as mothers, the day to day stuff, the huge part of our lives that is just gone...

I'm so sorry that you are going through this, know that you are not alone...

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katie,

i totally understand. i watched a mom and her daughter today, the daughter was somewhere between 17-22 and they were laughing, joking, and i felt myself watching them with tears in my eyes. i wasnt jealous though, i just found myself missing my mom and all the things we might have done and the things we DID do....

i go to a class a night and in trying to arrange care for my 8 yr old i always think before i really think, i bet mom would keep her for me and then reality sets in....it is only a matter of micro seconds. i feel so happy when my cell phone rings, i am still hoping mom is calling me like she used to......

ya, this really, really sucks!

thinking of you, know you are not alone, ok?

heather

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  • 2 weeks later...

Oh, Katie..My heart breaks for you..I lost my mom 5 years ago, and my dad 24 years ago..There isn't a day that goes by that my heart does not ache for them..

You have gone through so much, and the pain is so real..Please know you are in my thoughts and always in my prayers..

Love ya,

Donna

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I totally understand and in fact I called Joe's number. I just wanted to hear his voice. His cell phone number had already been given to someone else. I got their voice mail and hung up. Of course this person calls me back at 2am that day. I still have Joe's number programmed on my phone along with a special ring for him. That went off at 2am and I just jumped completely out of my skin!!! I had that "something is wrong" feeling. It was the guy who has that number now calling me back asking my what I wanted and why I hung up. I just apologized and told him I had the wrong number. Couldn't sleep after that. So yes.......life is completely different. And it sucks!

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  • 2 weeks later...

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