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I feel like lying


TamHol

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So many people here are hurting and going threw this illness so fast and its effects hitting so hard. I feel like lying when asked how my Dad is doing, I feel guilty that I can't share the same pain at the same time with everyone. Of course I'm happy with my Dad's slow progression and realistically, I know his day will come. I'm not missing out on any of the extra time and I'm by far complaining over my Dad's good condition. I just feel so badly for everyone who has so much more to bare and so quickly. We've all been prepared for Dad's departure for so long now that it's shocking to see him doing so well. We're waiting for the other shoe to drop, cause historically that's how it goes for us. But the shoe that we're prepared for is falling in alot of other peoples laps .... not ours!

His cousin who was diagnosed 6 months before him, 15 years younger and listed from day one as "unopperable" isn't doing well at all. She's in pain and on med's to keep the swelling down in her brain, a new tumour is giving her seisures. How can there be such a difference between people for the same illness is completely baffeling. I talk to other cousins etc. and they all ask how my Dad is, then Linda. They too are astounded by the difference and I literally feel like lying and at least saying "he's in bed for the better part of the day". But he's not, he's got pain from his stomach daily but he's gotten used to that and made the ajustments, or just ignores it. He's got the weakeness in the legs and just takes his time .... the pain doesn't seem to matter to him much. He slirs his words and his breathing is louder and deeper, the increase effects are there!

I just shake my head everytime I think of all this ..... I don't bother with why, cause I just simply don't know that answer. I say the only thing I can "It's odd how it effects one but not another, it truely has a mind of it's own and works on it's own time frame."

Tammy

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I can relate on some level. My Dad was only diagnosed in July of '06, but he is doing very well right now, *knock on wood*! The most remarkable is that there are virtually no chemo side effects for my Dad other than hair loss and very mild neuropathy. It is very hard to understand why some do well for so long and others decline so rapidly. Just goes to show statistics are not all they are cracked up to be and how different everyone's bodies are.

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It is like survivor's guilt. I oftentimes wonder why are my parents doing ok for now and others are not.

An orthopedist asked my mom the other day how she survived and my dad said "good doctors and luck". Unfortunately there are no clear answers.

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As one of our friends reminds us, "Every human being is a unique chemical factory." No rhyme or reason for the differences in the course of cancer from one person to the next. I completely understand what you are saying. It's crossed my mind on a number of occasions. We've watched some people with Stage IV survive longer than some with early stage cancer.

I still maintain it is the luck of the genetic draw.

Welthy

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Don't feel bad, when good news is read here it gives everyone hope that they or their loved one can have the same results.

I didn't even join here until I was 2 years from dx and I was NED by then too. Many people have said that my survival gives them hope and even though I feel "survivors guilt" at times too I'm still here and hopefully inspiring some new members.

Enjoy your Dad's survival,

Geri

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Please don't feel guilty with us. It really does give me hope to read stories like yours especially since or Dad's situation is so similar. My dad was recently diagnosed, only 4 months after he had a heart attack and sugery for that. He too was told he couldn't withstand chemo or surgery. He started radiation last week and I''m praying that he has the same results that your dad has. I don't listen to any statistics or time frames that the doctor gives because I know everyone is different. Please continue to keep us posted on your dad. God Bless!

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I'm with Geri and Don. Some days I tune in here JUST to read the Good News forum and to be reminded of all the little victories. Believe me, I am SO happy for you all when things are going well, and I want to hear about it. I'm not lurking around feeling jealous.

Keep telling us your good news. You never know who is out here, just waiting to hear it.

:) Kelly

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It's all about the good news...especially to those who are down or those who are new to this LC journey.

Stories of survivorship foster HOPE and that is what this is all about.

Sure we all support each other when things are not so great and some of us share in each other's grief...but it's the success stories, the hope, the attitude and the will to fight that inspires us all.

Don't ever feel guilty to post good news...it's a necessity here. We LOVE it!!

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Please dont feel bad for posting good news. The way i look at it is every day that a lung cancer patient survives is an opportunity for doctors to learn more about this awful disease. I love to read the good news and on some of my bad days I read them and I think" 1 more point for us and 1 less for the disease. The good news helps us get thru the bad

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I don't feel bad posting here the good out of all of this ...... "Slow but steady" is a good thing and I'm thankful for everything it has to offer as well. I know he's planning to come for the kids playing baseball and ball hockey .... he loves his "Popa did you see!" squeals! His lawn chair will take it's place in the trunk of my car for the games .... "same as" all the other years :-)!

It's not as easy to feel greatful and happy that this is going slowly for him when your in person though. That's where I get the urge to lie or down play the subject. Nothing like talking to my cousins etc. about all the horrible things going on with my cousin Linda .... then talk about my Dad. Ackward doesn't even cover it! You know we all have that secret score card in our heads, I do and I don't expect anything different from her sisters and brothers.

I do think it's a form of survivers guilt to the point of simply "right place at the right time". Having the cousins tell me or me passing the update on to another ... and it's all so bad right now for Linda. In her brain and brain swelling daily, sesiures every 2 hr's, and can only get from place to place with her brothers, bro-in-laws, nephews on either side holding her up.....man!!!!

It just doesn't seem like it's appropriate to say "Oh my Dad's doing well, some added aches and pains but there's no time lost from the pool hall, AA meetings or weekly seniors luncheons."

Seems more like ....... Nah nah nananana to me!

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