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I'm not bitter lol...


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I am taking a moment to be scarcastic and bitter...

Since the rest of the world seems to have moved on and could care less and the one year anniversary of EVERYTHING ugly is coming out of me...

There are so many things that people say even now that still strike me, I know I am being oversensitive and people are just trying to be helpful but that ugly little red guy on one of my shoulders keeps whispering in my ear...

things people say

She is in a better place... well be that as it may, my couch was not so bad.

SHe is no longer in pain.... well I know that but the oxycontin and morphine worked pretty good most of the time.

Remember, she is always with you... I try to know that in my heart but most of the time I feel empty and alone and feel that she is not with me, she is off in that better place remember?

You have your kids to think about... well yes yes I do, but they are seperate from my mom. They may eat doritos for breakfast now and then and can see that I am very human and cry when I need to, but I take good care of them, I haven't given up on life, I am just having hard time living it as if she were still here.

This one I love....

Eventually we all lose our parents... well my mom was 58 and whether she was 48 or 98 my mom is gone, and unless you have lost your mom too, please don't say 'we all have to go through it sooner or later'.

in regards to my stepfather and his new wonderful life with his new wonderful wife...

It is nice that the has found happiness...

Yes Yes he has indeed, a new wife, a new car for his new wife, a new house, heck he even has a new son and grandchildren who actually stay the weekend with them!!! He is so lucky!!! That windfall life insurance he recieved sure has made his life better! He even told me his new wife doesn't have to take her teeth out at night... OH BOY I am so happy for him!!!!!

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I'm here for you, dear. It sucks. It hurts. I hate all those things that people say too. I'm starting to not be quite so sensitive, but it's taken me this long to get to a point where not EVERYTHING that people tried to say hits me the wrong way.

I know that all you want is your Mom here. And I *hate* the message that people are intent on sending that since losing one's parents is a 'normal' loss that it should necessarily be an easy one.... It's NOT. Especially when our Mom's were young and we are still young. I 'expected' it to happen, sure but not until I was much older... a 'real grown-up' with kids who had known their gramma for a long time. People don't get that.

As for the new wife just.... more (((((hugs))))))

I'm sorry you're hurting and know that we sure don't expect a happy face from you. You ARE doing the best you can for yourself and for your kids.

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Oh, Kim...

...somehow you come right and say things that are eating away at me, but I'm too wimpy to post. I'm so glad you come to this site and vent your feelings - but seeing your pain and heartache hurts.

I'm speechless over the stuff with your stepfather. I cannot imagine the pain that has caused you. My husband's father started dating three weeks after his mom was gone (he was 83) and he was remarried very soon...and then he and his wife had a YARD SALE to get rid of all of his mom's knick knacks and treasured belongings. Then they threw out everything else she'd saved for years - WWII letters, poetry, newspaper clippings, priceless family history. I honestly don't think they were being insensitive on purpose, I think they were just very practical folks...but I was appalled and heartsick for my husband.

I know what you mean about people saying things...I'm so tired of hearing how happy I should be that I have wonderful memories to sustain me. Gosh, those memories are what is causing this ongoing pain! And the whole she's in a better place thing, too...I don't know when and if I'll ever believe that, God forgive me. Our moms belong here with us and our children, not lost to us forever as a result of this terrible disease....

And of COURSE you're there for your kids - you obviously had a great role model in your own mom. And yes, they're gonna see you cry - sometimes I feel guilty b/c I feel like if she were in my situation, my mom would have shielded me more and hid her emotions...but I think it's okay that our kids see us cry, b/c we reassure them that we are here for them no matter what. Good lord, they are what keep me going sometimes.

I'm sorry, I guess I'm not being too supportive or helpful. I agree with a lot of what you said. I'm glad you posted...hope it helps you get some of that pain and anger out of your system, albeit temporarily.

Hang in there...

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Kim, I am sorry you are hurting. I'm glad you vented. You put into words so much of how I feel.

It doesn't matter, 48, 58 or 98. I remember as a child (my parents were in their mid 40's when they had me) I remember worrying that my parents would die when I was young and it would be HARDER. I remember praying "please don't let them die before I turn 40, I will be old enough then and able to handle it".

Well, I am just about to turn 42 and all I can think is, boy I was a stupid kid! It hurts like crazy no matter what age! It is not normal to lose your parents - its not like it happens to us several times - we have one Mom and one Dad.

People can be so insensitive. And they do move on. I haven't moved on in 7 months and I don't think it will ever happen. Some days are better. But in an instant I can cry like a 3 year old.

Keep venting - we all get it and when something happens like this to those insensitive people they just might too.

Hugs to you and I pray for peace for you and that you feel your Mom with you. I too feel empty most of the time, looking for signs and not seeing them. BUT I did have an awesome sign recently - one I asked for. I'll put it under another post.

I am rambling now. Just know we get it and we understand your pain, and how frustrated you feel with those trite responses to your loss.

many hugs and well wishes,


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Sorry you are having rough times. I lost my Mom three days after her 61st birthday, when I was 27. I know where you are at emotionally. Two of my children were 2 1/2 at the time and now, as adults, don't even remember Grandma. It really stinks. Somehow we all manage to muddle through these times. It all seems so surreal now.

As for your Step-Dad and new bimbo, I'd b**ch slap the two of them. I know, I know -- it isn't right, but wouldn't it feel REALLY good? (I'm coming off of a terrible day yesterday and today isn't shaping up much better, so this wouldn't be my normal response... I think!) :shock:

Take care sweetie and I'm glad you are able to come to the boards and vent. It's good to get those "toxins" out of your system. :)


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Bless your heart Kim. I can understand you having cynical feelings and bitterness. So many people in the world think only of themselves or their own comfort, convenience or pleasure. Compassion and sensitivity for emotional pain and loss is hard to deal with. People often go into denial. It is okay and natural for you to hurt. One thing that is very helpful for me when my emotions get roiled up is exercise. Walking briskly is great. I used to do water aerobics and that was wonderful. Exercise helps release some good endorphins into the body. praying for you and your kiddos.

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I agree with Kate. I think I have even said to someone that I am 42 and I should be better able to deal with this but the truth of the matter is that no matter how old you are you are never ready to have your parents taken from you.This whole grieving thing... it bites!!!!! I hope that you can find a few moments of peace.

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I'm with you on that. My mom passed too at 58 y/o. I can't stand when people say things like "it was for the best"....the best of what? I truly think people do not understand unless they have lost somebody. It amazes me now to meet people who have not had a significant loss of a loved one in their life. Sarah

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Aw Kim I am so sorry for all those feelings that came pouring out. That is good. It is always good to get those penned up feelins out.

It is so true what you say. I was lucky enough to have my mom till she was 94 and it does not make it easier. Sometimes harder as we shared what seemed like a lifetime together. But still not enough.

I have strong belief that they are near us and hurt when we suffer so much. I know how much she would not want that. So that helps me get through some of those tough days.

Her and my dads anniversary is Monday, it would have been 74 years. They were wonderful and they told a large part of my heart when they left.

Hang strong, peace be with you sweetie,


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Thanks Everyone... clearly I am having some issues BUT I have to say this... I literally laughed until my sides hurt at Welthy's response and I hope you all did too.... Thank you, there are days when B*&CH Slapping is precisely what I would like to do... that little red guy in my shoulder again. Good thing I have some semblance of manners!

Though it is an awful & horrendous thing that brings us together, I am so grateful you are all here.

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I am sorry for the pain that you are going through as the 1st anniversary is approaching. I am praying for strength for you and also peace. I know when people ask me how I'm doing, I say "Great", "OK", "Fine" and "Peachy". Never anything bad. It's just a standard reply and come's naturally. I think that's probably what these folks are doing. They don't know what else to say. Please try not to let it get to you. The folks here know and understand your pain. Try to let the rest go. It is so much easier that way. Don't let their careless remark's affect you. As for your step dad, I'm next in line!! Hugs, Liz

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