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Funny Signs....


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The sign on a restroom dryer at O'Hare Field in Chicago: Do not activate with wet hands.

Laundry Shop: How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?

Music Store: Out to lunch. Bach at 12:30. Offenbach sooner.

At a Santa Fe gas station: We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container.

Tire shop in Milwaukee: Invite us to your next blowout.

Used Car Lot: Second Hand cars in first crash condition.

Auto Body Shop: May we have the next dents?

Optometrist's office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.

Electric company: We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be.

At the entrance of the large machinery plant: Warning to young ladies: If you wear loose clothes, beware of the machinery. If you wear tight clothes, beware of the machinist.

Billboard on the side of the road: Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs.

Gym: Merry Fitness and a Happy New Rear!

In a Beauty Shop: Dye now!

Cafeteria: Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want.

Cleaner's window: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.

Dry cleaner's emporium: Drop your pants here.

Florida maternity ward: No children allowed.

Los Angeles clothing store: Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.

Maine restaurant: Open seven days a week and weekends.

New York medical building: Mental Health Prevention Center

A non-smoking area: If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.

Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.

Podiatrist's window: Time wounds all heels. *groan*

A restaurant window: Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up.

Texas funeral parlor: Ask about our layaway plan.

Veterinarian's waiting room: Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!

In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work.

In the window of an Oregon general store: Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?

Bowling alley: Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.

On a church door: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance)

On a desk in a reception room: We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left.

On a fence: Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.

On a local plumbing company's trucks in NE Pennsylvania: Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.

On a maternity room door: Push. Push. Push.

On a Music Teacher's door: Out Chopin.

On a plumber's truck: We repair what your husband fixed.

On a restaurant: Try our fish just for the halibut.

On a roller coaster: Watch your head.

On a Scientist's door: Gone Fission

On a taxidermist's window: We really know our stuff.

On a Tennessee highway: Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable.

On an electrician's truck: Let us remove your shorts.

On an established New Mexico dry cleaning store: Thirty-eight years on the same spot.

On a Butcher's window: Pleased to meat you.

On the door of a Computer Store: Out for a quick byte.

On the door of a Music Library: Bach in a min-u-et.

On the grounds of a private school in Connecticut: No trespassing without permission.

On the menu of a New Orleans restaurant: Blackened bluefish

On the wall of a Baltimore estate: Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. - Sisters of Mercy

Outside a disco: Smarts is the most exclusive disco in town. Everyone welcome.

Outside a Hotel: Help! We need inn-experienced people.

Outside a muffler shop: No appointment necessary. We heard you coming.

Outside a photographer's studio: Out to lunch; if not back by five, out for dinner.

Outside a radiator repair shop: Best place in town to take a leak.

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