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He's still here but i miss him.


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My husband dx beginning of dec. sclc with mets to liver and brain. It seems we have used up every ounce of energy available fighting this disease. I usually have a pretty good grip on myself. But, tonight I have been just sobbing, I miss my husband, my friend, everything is just different. For some reason the strength I have is just not there tonight. I just want to curl up in a ball and hide, I don't want to be the strong one, the one who has to handle everything, figure out the medicine, make sure his blood sugar is ok, well you guys know what i mean. I want my husband back!!!

I guess I just need to vent to people who know how I feel and I guess it's time to tuck it all back away and get ready to deal with tomorrow.

Thanks for listening

Loretta

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Oh Loretta, so many of us know how you feel. I'm single, so I don't have a husband battling this disease, I have my father fighting instead. He's on his third wife and my Dad and I are truly best friends and nobody notices the subtle changes as much as I do. I know him better than anyone.

If you want to get in a fetal position and cry your eyes out then do it. Treatment can be hard on both the caregiver and the patient. I'm glad I can still get my Dad to laugh but there are times I think he's just not the same. I'll take it. I'll take him in any shape or form as I'm sure you will take your dear husband.

Be easy on yourself, I hope tomorrow your day is illuminated with sunshine and hope. Never stop fighting the good fight.

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I understand completely, I miss my husband also, my kids miss their father, their grandfather, I have to be the strong on, because quite frankly , right now they can not, I understand everything you are right now, and sometimes I just dont want to be that person, It hurts, beyond explanation, Iam soo sorry, where in Pa do you live? I live in Sunbury, (hick town) Mary

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It helps to vent and post about this, and we do understand how you are feeling. You are grieving your old life, the security of life as it once was, the certainty of what you envisioned your futures to be....

You don't have to be the strong one every minute of everyday. Come here and let us hold you up for a bit.

((hug))

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(((((((((Loretta))))))))

I certainly know the exact feelings you are experiencing right now. I went through the same thing. In addition to being my husband and best friend, Dennis was the one that always knew just what to do in almost any situation, especially a crisis. I missed having him to share with and also missed having him to lean on. During this period of his illness, is when I really became a strong person, ready to fight a hungry lion. I'm thinking of you and remembering both you and your husband in my prayers. If you need to talk, please PM me.

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Loretta,

I'm so sorry and I know it's just awful. Sometimes it just becomes overwhelming and we want to scream, "I need help too! No, I'm not okay!" Then you let it out, pick yourself up, and keep going the next day. It's the most helpless feeling I've ever felt knowing there's this monster attacking the person I love more than anything in the world and it's out of my reach. I pray for strength and peace for you today.

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I'm sorry that you are going through such pain, Loretta. You deserve your time to grieve. So cry for a while, curl up & sob if you need to, and then you will have more strength for the work that lies ahead. I do not know how it is, because I've never been in your position, but nonetheless you have my sympathy. With best wishes for you on your difficult journey, Teresa

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Loretta: I understand your pain & am so sorry you have to go through this. It's very, very hard. Please do whatever it is you need to do in order to feel better. Sob, cry, vent, pray, whatever it takes. This is a difficult time & I'm praying for strength & peace for you and your dear husband. God Bless

wendy

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I completly understand where you're coming from. I feel so guity for feeling that way. My husband (37) is on hospice and he sleep 15-20 hours a day. When he is up he hurts so bad he can't wait to lay down again and he tends to get mad @me.. Most of the time I feel like I am more his mother than his wife. There are times when I just want to crawl in bed and snuggle like we used too but that never happens.This is the first time I've said it out loud.

Know that you are not alone!!!!!!!

Heater

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