husband recently diagnosed

[mishpet9]

Hi, my husband was recently diagnosed with stage 3 adeno non-small cell. We went to the doctor and they thought he had broncheitis. They did an x-ray and saw something and did a cat scan. They found a large mass in his lung. I am still pretty numb. We live in Florida and I decided we needed to go to NY immediately. My family is there and we thought he would get the best treatment up there. My Husband wants to go back to Florida after this round of radiation and chemo. I keep trying to make him understand that we need to stay up here for the best chance of having some time for him. His cancer is very aggressive and will need constant watching. How do I make him understand it's the best thing for HIM? I spend every waking moment trying to make life good for him but he hates being in NY. He wants to go home. I too am not well and need to be here near family. I just don't know what to do. I feel so isolated and alone.

[Don Wood]

Welcome here. It is a good site for info and support. Can't advise you on your personal situation, except to say you and your husband need to agree on a plan so you can support each other through all this and make the best of the future. Don

[ernrol]

Welcome to the site. I understand how you feel. I was diagnosed stage IV with a pleural effusion. I went to Sloan Kettering for a second opinion. They told me that if I came to New York that I would get the same treatment. They recommended that I get my chemo in Naples Florida. I would be more comfortable and a lot less stress. They were right. My oncologist in Naples was able to stay in touch with Sloan Kettering when needed. If you are only getting chemo it can be the same no matter where you get it. If you are having surgery then it may be better to go to where the best surgeon is. If you husband thinks he would be better off at home, then it could be a lot less stressful for him and he may respond better to the chemo. Each one of us has to make our own decisions in regard to treatment. This worked well for me. If you have any questions just ask. You will get plenty of support here.

Stay positive,

Ernie

[wendyr]

Hi and welcome. We too live in Florida and my husband was diagnosed with stage 3A nsclc Adenocarcinoma. He originally was content to get treatment locally & I was totally opposed to that. He saw a local oncologist who offered no hope whatsoever (see profile) I wanted him to go to MD Anderson in Houston and he refused but he eventually agreed to go to their Orlando facility. Their level of care has been superior and I cannot say enough good about them. In Florida you have Moffitt Cancer Center in Tampa which is a comprehensive cancer center, MD Anderson in Orlando, Cleveland Clinic in Naples & Weston and Mayo Clinic in Jax just to name a few, and all top rated facilities. After his first round of radiation & chemo we were able to go to our summer place in Michigan & he got his chemo up there. You'll find that most first line treatments are pretty well standard but it is important that you go to a recognized cancer center in order to get the best treatments. Our diagnosis came just one year ago and Maurice is still here & doing fine, his cancer is stable and he's just dealing with the side effects of treatment. I understand your feelings of isolation, we have all felt that and understand it all too well. You have found the right place to air your questions & fears. The folks here will provide a wealth of information and support for you. Keep us posted on hubby's progress and let us know how we can help you. Good Luck & God Bless

wendyr

[RandyW]

If you are near in tampa Moffitt is considered a premiere center in my mind. The others are also excellent. Travel will get harder I think. Stage 3 is treatable, we have many who are stage 4 for a considerable amount of time and doing great. Our Very own ernie is stage 4 in Napples and jsut got medical clearance for Angel Flight missions. ANd so many other great stories too around Fla and the world.Read Inspirational and Good News forums for great stories of hope and Courage.

[trish2418]

Hi and welcome. I'm a former New Yorker now living in Miami diagnosed Stage IIIB adeno. My doctors and treatment have been top notch and I'm doing great right now. You can find superior treatment in Florida if that is your wish. Good luck to you and your family.

Trish

[mishpet9]

We live in Fort Myers and All of the wonderful centers in Florida would be a bit of a hike away. I am also not well with very severe arthritis in all joints. I have had both hips and an ankle replaced. It would be impossible for me to take care of him at home in Florida. Having the support of my Mom and her aide is invaluable to us. I could not manage alone. That is my biggest fear about going home. Also, I fear when he starts to go down hill noone will be there for us. Up here is an entire support system of friends and family. I know his comfort is important, but survival for both of us is just as important, right?? I am so confused and fearful. Thanks for all your imput.

[mamasbabygirl]

Wow, it seems that you really have a hard decision to make here. Perhaps the best solution would be for him to do the treatment in Florida at one of the reputable places mentioned above with the agreement that if it becomes too much for you, you will both go to NY. The value of the support network you have in NY must not be underrated. I understand your desire to honor his wishes, but also take care of yourself. I'll send a prayer for you!

[Ry]

Your husband can follow the treatment protocol recommended by the NY doctors anywhere. If he really wants to go home, you should go.

[missyk]

I know the "what ifs" are terribly freightening!! When Mom was diagnosed and began treatment we had planned out who would stay at what time on what days as we were needed. Guess what? We've never had to implement that plan. She's been able, until recently when SHE asked to go to the hospice facility, to get around on her own. Radiation tends to leave our loved ones very tired and worn out, but most of the time they bouce back from it remarkably quickly. Chemo is "better" than it used to be, with many fewer side effects. Maybe you can try being at home and see how it goes, for his comfort...and keep NY as a back-up plan if needed.

Many prayers for you and your husband

[Flowergirlie]

It really is a decision you both need to be in agreement on. It is very true that during treatment it would be optimum for him to be where he is most comfortable, since it does take the winds out of your sails typically. I will keep you both in my thoughts. The whole concept of cancer diagnosis and treatment plans are so overwhelming, at first especially, and then you will get into a schedule.

There should be options for caretaking assistance local to you as well that would probably be helpful.

Thoughts of comfort to you and your husband...Flowergirlie

[ztweb]

Oh I am so sorry. What a horrible situation you are in! First off, let me tell you welcome to the boards. You have come to an amazing place. The people here are fabulous!

Do you have any family support in Florida?

Is there anyone from NY that could come to Florida so he could be where he wants to be and you could have support too?

I pray that you find a comfortable balance between the two of you. My prayers go out to you.

Jen

[karenlaureti]

I am so sorry you are going through this. This is just how it went with my Dad - he lives in SC near Hilton Head. He was originally going to stay near the SC University Hospital at a hotel during treatment, but found that there was a place 20 minutes away from his home that he went to each day for his treatments and was able to stay in his home. This was so much better for his stress level, and it is so important when you are going through this to be as little stressed as possible and know that you can be comfortable in your own home. I know how hard for you this is and that you need family. Maybe you can have people come and be with you at different times. You could just play it by ear, see how he does, and take it one day at a time in FL. If things seem to get worse you could always change plans. He may do VERY well on all his treatments and have wonderful care just from you at home. Best of luck!

[Don M]

Hi and welcome. I get my cancer care from 2 places. I often go to a very good cancer center in Seattle, and I also see my local oncologist in a small town about 3 hours drive from Seattle. A lot of the follow up care I get in my small town. I also did my chemo in the small town clinic, but I verified my chemo with the Seattle group. I am soon going to start cyberknife treatment, and I have to go to Seattle for that. I think it is a good idea to verify everything with a big comprehensive cancer center and then get treated locally whenever possible. I really like staying home. There are no traffic jams here.

I hope your husband responds well to treatment.

Don M

[mishpet9]

Hello all, thank you for all your caring and support. I know all of you will help me greatly. As far as where to get treatment, we really have noone in our area. Some friends who are very busy and will help when they can but no consistent help, so being at home with noone to shop for us, etc. makes it hard. The other problem is if my husband can not go back to work at all we cannot afford to stay in our condo. That is another very major issue. His radiation schedule ends in a week or two we will reevaluate then. Also, Friday we are seeing a surgeon at Mt. Sinai in Manhattan. He does this special laser surgery. We have been told it probably won't be for Joe, because his tumor is wrapped around his pulminary artery. I still say lets wait and see.I would love nothing more (for both of us) to go home to Florida. We'll see. Thank you again.

[missyk]

Mishpet...

I DO remember one of the first things Mom did was to fill out the ungodly amounts of paperwork needed to apply for disability *just in case*. It takes them almost 6 months (we were told) to get that all done and the money starting to come in if he can't work...so it might be something to think about.

All our best to you and your husband! Many prayers coming your way

~Missy~

[fillise]

You have to do whatever you think is best. It is comforting to be at home, but it is also comforting to be among family and friends. I'm thnking about you.

Susan