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A hospice nurse rang my Mum today to see if she wanted her to call to see her, to see how she is after my Dad's passing a month ago.

Mum said she did'nt really want her to call, the family talking about Dad seems to be ok. Anyone else it seems to make her cry.

She said that I had ordered the book 90 minutes in heaven for us to read,which folks on here mentioned to read, to answer Mum's question about what do you think Dad is doing now. The nurse asked if there was any questions that she would like to ask her. Mum said she could not stop thinking about the noise of Dad's death rattle which happens sometimes before someone dies. Not sure if you call it that name where you are. She said she will get over it in time. Also she asked her would my Dad have left his body straight away and gone to heaven when he died. She said she didnot know the answer to that one.

The call ended with the nurse saying if Mum needed to speak to her, then she could ring her. I don't think she feels she wants to.

Thankyou for letting me put this down on a mail.

I feel I get more help with any small things from you guys.

Sonia UK XXX

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How extremely nice that the hospice nurse called on your mum to check on her!!

As far as I know, "death rattle" is a common term here in the States, too and I SO understand what your Mum means by not being able to get over that sound. There have been many sounds that have bored their way into my mind along the way with my Mom. The one I want to remember the most is the sound of her voice and I'm scared that it'll be lost to the other sounds by the time I really need to hear it. From what I gather it's pretty common to remember those things, though.

As far as the question of whether his soul departed to Heaven immediately upon death...it's a personal belief. I DO believe that the soul goes at the same time the body dies here on earth. If that's what your Mum believes, that's what she should continue to believe. For me, it's comforting to know that Heaven awaits us when we're done with our work on Earth.

Soft, gentle hugs and much love coming...

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I think it is normal for your Mom to want to keep her memories with the folks that knew and loved your Dad. As for her question about the soul. I do believe that it is released from the body when physical death occurs.

This is a little strange and it was a very long time ago but I remember seeing something on TV about researchers trying to document this. They hypothisized that if the soul is real it must have some weight and therefore a dead body would weigh less than a live one. They got permission from from some individuals close to death to spend their last moments on a table that functioned as a finely calibrated scale. At the time of death they reported a very small, but measurable decrease in weight, which they determined was the soul leaving the body. At the time I thought this was as bogus as it gets and I remember the whole show as being creepy, but I couldn't stop watching it.

My belief, however, comes not from this show, but from my faith. I hope this didn't creep you out. If it did, I'm sorry. It just seemed that the question your mother was asking is one that many people have asked.

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Hi Sonia! I just wanted to send hugs and warm thoughts. I was with my husband to the very last of his time here on earth. I really understand the sounds and experience and have replayed it a million times in my mind. It is troubling at times and at other times I remind myself that he was ready to head on to his next adventure. I think it is something that is going to be remembered but what I try to do is concentrate on the fact that it is a normal part of the dying process and it is believed that when people are in this time of the dying stages, they are not uncomfortable and are most likely unaware of the noises they are making. If it is not too much, I will say that for whatever it is worth, whenever my husband sort of "came to" I would ask him if he was feeling peaceful and if he was scared and he would indicate that everything was alright. That is something that gives me comfort and maybe it will for your mom too. I really think there is a "place" we go and start experiencing different unexplainable things while the dying process is occurring on earth, to help ease us into death. The best advice I read was, "Listen to the dying. They have a lot to say." It is true.

All the best to you and family! Give Mum a great big hug!


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Hi Sonia: thanks for posting here and keeping us up to date on you and mum. Whatever your belief systems are, those are the belief systems that have been in place for a long time, and those are the belief systems that give the most comfort and strength. So believe in them with all your heart and mind as you have in the past and they will hold you through this difficult time and see you through with peace and strength. Good Luck & God Bless


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I think it was so very nice that the Hospice nurse called your Mum to check on her. Our Hospice has a grief support group that is availabe to caregivers and family members for one year after the death of their loved one. Like your Mum, I never felt very comfortable speaking about Dennis with strangers in a group. In my case, most of the participants were much older than I was and seemed to feel that they had the patent on grieving. I found more peace from talking with close friends and family. I also wrote in a journal every day. I formed my writings like a letter to Dennis. I would share what I was doing, what the boys were doing and general things happening in day-to-day life. It seemed as if I was talking to him and I also felt he was listening. Now, I go back and read those journals and see how far I've come in the healing process. There are still days that I pull out my journals and write to Dennis. Maybe this would be good therapy for your Mum. Saying prayers for your family.

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