missyk Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 Well...I guess no one can blame me for holding out hope for the miracle, it just doesn't appear that we're going to get one. Mom's almost two weeks into her stay at the hospice facility and is now starting a decline that's a bit more dramatic...to us, at least. She's still dying on her own terms, in her own unique way...and oddly, I find myself smiling about that. It's just so...HER. They asked my sf if he could think of a reason she would fight SO hard to stay here...they've never seen anyone in her shape hold on so long. It makes me proud and sad all at the same time. She's confused more and more. She's not sure how to work her phone to even answer calls anymore and "address book" had her stumped recently. She told the nurses that her neck hurt because of the radiation treatments when in fact it's a tumor growing back there that is causing the pain. Her right arm has pretty much ceased to function which means communication is all but nothing right now until I can get a touch-board for her...her voice is gone. Honestly, I'm kinda afraid she'll try to smack me with the board out of frustration...that would be a HER thing to do, too! Ralph (my wonderful sf) told me today that she's refusing pain medication now...I'm not sure what's up with that. They did finally talk her into taking some ibuprofen, but so far that's it. The nurses have said that they're not far from the point of having to sedate her and that confuses me so I'm going to have to ask them about it. I'm not sure if they want to sedate her for her own peace or for theirs! LOL Ralph has taken what's left of his vacation time at work (they've told him he can have all the time he needs...this is just the last of the paid time off) to be with her more and get paperwork in order, etc. Seems that Mom moved papers without telling him and he's having to try to find them now on his own. I wish I knew, better, how to ease his pain during this time but I'm selfish and human and most of the time is focused on my own pain I'm embarassed to say. I'm sad...but I'm laughing through it all. The tears will have their time later, I suppose. My daughter heard the song "Holes in the Floor of Heaven" the other day for the first time on the radio and got very quiet. For those who don't know, the song begins "One day shy of 8 years old, when grandma passed away..." My daughter's 8th birthday is Monday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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