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Oh Boy...What a Mess!!


missyk

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I know it's not only my family...I KNOW it's not, but right now it feels like we must be the only ones that have ever gone through this.

First..Mom "flipped out" last night and DEMANDED to be taken home. It was 11 o'clock at night...and when Ralph told her she'd have to wait until morning before they decided anything (over the phone) she called the police in the city where the hospice is and told them she was being held against her will. THEN she called ME!! The policeman who responded was nice enough, stayed with her there until Ralph got there and they worked it out and all that. Ralph was terribly embarassed and I told him not to be...I'm sure it's not the first call of the type they've gotten from there. I know when I worked at the nursing home we had residents use their room phones the same way. *Sighs* She woke this morning at 6am still demanding to go home...so Ralph brought her home. She's still, however, terribly upset with him for giving her "the run around".

If that's not bad enough, we had a heck of a blow-up at the "family gathering" that followed my sister's graduation ceremony with her master's degree that was at 10am this morning. She called me yesterday, the day before, and told me that it was today. Then all of that happened with Mom and I was up most of the night. Top it all off with still trying to recover from the intestinal stuff that was going on with me and I was BEAT. I overslept. I missed the ceremony. My sister's boyfriend and I haven't seen eye-to-eye for...well...forever. Today when they got up to Mom's house (I was up there already helping to get mom settled in) I attempted to appologize to my sister for missing the ceremony and her boyfriend interrupted me to call me "pathetic". My brother (that big dude in the picture with Mom down there :lol: ) was standing there when he said it to me and held me back 'cause I was going to stuff my Pepsi bottle down his throat. Big bro sent me to cool off with a, "I'M gonna take care of this NOW." and called her boyfriend out to have a little discussion. Turns out that my sister's boyfriend thinks that my sister is the only of we three kids that's attempting to "better herself" and that my brother and I are losers. (Jim hasn't worked as long as I've known him...Becky works full time and has gotten her degree at the same time). Apparently my missing her graduation because of all that's going on in life OTHER than that was enough for her to decide to wash her hands of me. And my brother missing her daughter's birthday in December was enough for her to decide that he's worthless, too. The LAST thing we needed today was for him to open his mouth and start s**t...and he did it anyway.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...I'm SO frustrated at all of this!!!

Sorry this is so long and drawn out...I just had to blow it off and this is as good a place to do it as any. Thanks :wink: You all are great!

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Oh Missy... Man, I just don't even know what to say. I know that hospice time brought out all the craziness in my family too, and I know it just felt like enough to undo me. I so wish you didn't have all of this on top of everything.

Girl--you are amazing. You are taking such great care of your Mom... on top of everything else in your life. I just wish I could come around with that Pepsi bottle and help your sister and co. to 'get it.'

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Let me tell you my theory on siblings ... if you like and respect your siblings and would chose them as friends even if they weren't related, that's the best thing in the world. BUT, I also believe that if you can't, and you see after many attempts it's likely to never be a possibilty, don't spend precious time beating yourself up about it and making repeated attempted for a relationship when it's not worth it.

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Wow....

I wish I could say something to help...but you know ALL that you are doing for your mom and your family, and you know it's all rubbish what the boyfriend and sister are saying......just remember that.

That's all that is important.

I hope things calmed down a bit by now. My prayers continue for all of you during this extremely difficult time.

(hugs))

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Missy--when it rains it pours! Your sister's boyfriend was way out of line. Right now you have to take care of yourself and your baby as well as your mom. Your sister will have to make sacrifices like everyone else. So come here to vent cause we love you--no matter what!

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Poor you..... Sounds like you've had your share and then some, lately.

You're very right in thinking that your family isn't the only one that goes thru things like this. (I used to think it was only mine!)

I'm sorry for your Mom.... I can't imagine how she feels, and then you having to deal with all of it, must be so very hard...

Please know I'm thinking of you.

(If you ever want to hear about a REALLY dysfunctional sister, email me, and I'll tell you some of the things MINE has done!!!!! Lordy. Lordy! I swear she was adopted, or hatched under a cabbage plant or something!! hehe!)

Love,

Nova

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OHHHH Family smamily.... gotta love em cos you can't kill em !!!! Your sisters boyfriend sounds like an arrogant *ss.... don't know if I can use that word here, but I did... maybe will get censored. First off, he is NOT a member of your family and had no right opening his mouth period. Second, shame on your sister for allowing him to speak to you that way.... Hope things have calmed down a bit... whats the game plan with Mom?? Are you going to keep her at home for a while??? Love, Sharon

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Mom called me again this morning telling me that there was weird stuff going on at home now, too. She told me she thought Ralph was trying to kill her. When I asked her how he was trying to kill her she told me, "I don't know, but now the water's shut off." I didn't believe they were up there with no water and I KNOW Ralph's not trying to kill her, so I told her that I'd come up and take care of things.

We spent most of the day up there with her. More "being around" than anything else. She'd refused her anti-nausea medication all last night so she was sick today. We finally got her convinced to at least use that and when we left she'd finally stopped hanging over the pot.

She did ask Ralph at one point to take her to the hospital because she thought she was losing her mind. I feel SO bad for her...understanding that things just aren't right...but not being able to completely grasp reality, either. Every so often I'd glance her way when she didn't know I was looking and you could see her in almost complete concentration...like she was trying to puzzle it all out. It makes me so sad.

Ralph said he wanted to wait until the hospice nurse had come today to see what she thought about what to do with Mom's confusion. Ralph's afaid of her becoming violent and what he would do then. I told him I just didn't know how to deal with this part of it and that talking to the nurse to get her opinion would be the best idea. Hopefully we'll come up with a plan soon. xoxo

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Well, we always get more than we need at the times when it is least convenient, isn't that how it is? I am sorry, Missy! I wish I could tell you the right thing to make it easier. I think you have been a loving daughter through this. You can pick your friends but not your sister or her boyfriend. Being judgemental can really bite someone in the a**, some words I have chosen to live by. Live and let live.

I hope your mom finds her peaceful place soon.

Flowergirlie

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Missy, there is absolutely no accounting for how badly families can and will act in the face of adversity. If you were to look up dysfunctional in the Enclyclopaedia Brittanica you would see my family portrait staring right back at you. I have learned you cannot change them. The only thing you can control is your own reaction to them. Definitely easier said than done I know. But with practice you will be able to tune them out & just concentrate on your reaction to the b.s. In situations like this I always like to say "Step Back, Breathe Deep, Count to Ten, Think Fast, Talk Slow, Walk Away" Good Luck & God Bless

wendyr

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Missy I am so sorry for all you are dealing with right now. You cant choose family but you can choose how to respond to them. When all is said and done they will look back on this time and realize what a bunch of jack----- they were. You on the other hand will know that you handled all you could with grace and dignity and did what you thought best for your mom. (im sure there are many of here who would like to help you stuff the pepsi bottle)

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Hey Missy,

I completely understand your frustrations. Let your sister "wash her hands" of both you and your brother if that's what gives her a "warm fuzzy". She can live in her glorious wonder with her degree and her "dead beat" boyfriend. You know what, you can't change that you missed it and you can't change your reason/cause of oversleeping. It's something that if it was a better time and circumstances you would've been there on time. If she can't take the time (her birthday included) to put herself on the back burner for the greater good .... that's her burden to bare. I know you know all of this in your head, but your heart probably hurts. Don't make this your problem to fix ..... she made her choice with herself in mind .... she will have to fix that later when she's realized she's wrong.

My sister did the exact same thing years ago and over stupid stuff like the fact of I'm a tomboy at heart and don't mind dirt on my hands or a tare in my jeans. Little Miss thought it was appauling and "washed her hands of me", I embarrassed her, to the point that I met a friend of hers. When he thought he "knew me from somewhere", I said "maybe you know my sister". The short of a long conversation .... he knew my sister for 4 years and she'd never mentioned she had a sister.

Mom dies and she's my new best friend and wants to know all about me and my family. Ok, I'll play the game, I know she'll tire of is soon enough! I got married and she called me sobbing because I didn't ask her to be maid of honour, but only a brides maid. Our half sister (who also wasn't good enough for Little Miss either) was the one I asked to be Maid of Honour. "I'm your sister, I had the bedroom right beside you and ate supper with you every night with Mom and Dad.....she didn't even live with us. She chose Grandma and Grandpa over us ... why does she get to be Maid of Honour? It should be me."

It should be me .... It should be me .... It should be me! I told her why. Our half sister living at Grandma and Grandpa's house has always treated me like a sister and accepted me as ME. More then the one who I slept beside all my life."

Missy, don't make this your burden ........ a day will come that she will have to fix her own mistake ... and as it should be ... she'll have to fix this herself.

Tammy

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