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Becky can't sleep....

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Top o' the mornin' to ya! (The VERY top o' the morning....I've gone from staying up late to staying up early!)

I'm on Eastern Daylight Time, it's 1:00A where I am and I need to be at work and wide awake in less than seven hours...and I cannot get to sleep!

Nope, I'm not the caregiver, I am the patient with a question for all you loving family members and caregivers out there... My caregiver is a WONDERFUL guy...been there for all my appointments, holds me when I cry (and before this, I didn't cry that often so it's a new job for him), is my cheerleader, and all the other stuff that goes with the job...

SO, the issue I have is this: HOW can I help my caregiver tell his kids to BACK off with the problems they are getting themselves into (these are not CHILDREN, they are "young adults" with "issues") and let the man have some breathing room? I swear, it's one crisis after another with some of the offspring, problems that THEY have caused due to poor planning and bad judgment. MY opinion is that if they want to be in the "Real World" so bad, WELCOME TO IT! Bail out your own damn boat, we're (Dad & I) on the Titanic! (Okay, maybe not THAT drastic, but STILL!)

This man is dealing with my prognosis/diagnosis and just when he gets a chance to take a deep breath, something else comes up that "the children" have gotten themselves into... The man cannot sleep, his blood pressure is through the roof (his father died of a massive heart attack - the man's eighth! - at the age of 52), he's depressed (clinically) and just so not himself... And I have just one nerve left....

What, short of homicide, can I do to help this wonderful man? He doesn't want to distance his children from him, they're his kids - but healthwise, we need to disconnect the phone, pack our bags, move and not leave a forwarding address!

I say they should suffer the consequences of their actions - the two that are concerning him the most right now are 25 (boy) and 20 (girl). Old enough to "play", old enough to pay!

Oh yeah...and MY stress level? Haven't thought about cancer and the statistics for almost four days now with all the other crap going on...of course, it's also getting kinda hard to breath the way my chest keeps tightening up...

Sorry to rant in general terms, don't want to air dirty laundry, just try to find some solution on how a remedial course in RESPECT can be taught to "children" too old and me-oriented to learn..... Ten-pound sledge, maybe? :wink:

I need to try to sleep, my typing has roused the hubby....

I'll be fine, he'll be fine...we'll all be one big happy family...in our little white room with the padding on the wall so no one gets hurt...no shoe laces, no underwire....no phone calls....hmmm...maybe the "hospital" wouldn't be so bad after all!

I'm feeling humor coming back...BAD humor, but humor... Yep, getting better...thanks for listening!


The Ice Queen...

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Snowflake -

No need to apologize here - I took a rant myself today. I think that dealing with the disease is one thing - and then there is life itself! Maybe you should disconnect the phone for a few days - in fact, I might try it myself! I would suggest getting away for a couple of days?? Maybe a possibility?? It wouldn't be for us (financially, anyway).

Hope today is a better day - will they provide meals in that little white room?? Hmmmmmmmm.................


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Hi Snowflake,

Sure wish I had an answer to help......but......one cannot not worry about their children's problems whether they are newborns or 60. We tell our children when they are small, "you got a prob you tell mom or dad". Mom's and dad's can fix anything. I guess as they grow up some of them still have to tell mom and dad all the bad stuff happening to them whether it is their fault or not.

I know it must be very stressful for your hubby and you but hopefully he can handle whatever comes along. It really is up to him to tell the children (adults) to grow up....him they may listen to, you, no way...

Try and get some sleep. The children are having good night sleeps I am sure. They gave dad their problem.....

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Geeze, Becky, I hear you!

I only wish I had a good answer. My husband has two children (boys 19 and 26), and I have none of my own. Thankfully, neither of the boys have laid anything *too* heavy on us since my diagnosis. Since I have a good relationship with them, they didn't have to be told to back off at least a little bit. They seemed to not have to be told.

Do you have a good relationship with the *kids*? (and I use that word very loosely :wink:). If it was me, I'd have private, separate chats with them. I'd say something like:

You know what I'm dealing with, and while that's not your problem, it *is* something your father is dealing with too. You *should* be concerned about your father, and whether you mean to or not, you're adding to his stress in a huge way. If I can help you with advice or anything, I'm all ears, but it's time for you to start dealing with life in a responsible way.

Hope this helps!


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Terrie, Blue, Cindy, Norme and Barb,

Thanks for the empathy....here's some background on WHY the kids don't listen to me:

Eldest son - nine years younger than me (he's almost 26). Doesn't care much for me since I don't sugar coat life for him - in fact, once asked him during one of his "dilemmas" just HOW he got his head that far up his butt...

Youngest daughter - fifteen years younger than me (about 20 1/2). Still stuck in the "I'm smarter than the rest of the world" stage and making repetitive mistakes - can't learn from other peoples' mistakes NOR her own...(no sugar coating there, either).

These are not children I helped to raise, they were "all growed up" when I married their father. Not formative years, REformative years! :wink:

Can't do the "trip" thing, money is getting tight with all the "bail outs" going on (and besides, then MY child feels like the odd one out when he's the only one that actually lives with us). Can't run from it, a relaxing weekend is met with reality as soon as the key turns in the door when we get home - kinda pathetic to spend money on "getting away" and it being a very temporary fix.

Lots of mucked up dynamics here, he has four kids (almost 26, 24, 20, 17) and I have one (11). His ex-wife can't seem to give us any privacy, my ex-husband never calls (never calls his SON, I could care less if I ever see or hear from that man again).

Maybe I'll quit paying the phone bill...have a HUGE "moving sale", buy an RV and having a rolling address....nah, not enough CLOSET SPACE!

White room it is....I'm sure there's food involved - if not, I'll sneak in a pillowcase full of Snickers bars and Double Stuf Oreos! They're coming to take me away Ha-ha, They're coming to take me away Ho-ho, to the Funny Farm, where life is WONDERFUL all of the time....

I've taken up smoking - from my ears! Happens with total mental meltdown, so I'm told....

Hangin' in there - like a tropical hammock surrounded by cabana boys with fruity drinks with kick!



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