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I really need to hear something positive


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I don't understand why we can't seem to get ANY good news. First the biopsy to confirm lung cancer, then I learn of the effusion. Now, my dad just went for a cat scan today and was told he has 2 small lesions on the brain. He's to begin radiation for that this week. They say it will get them. I pray so. I can't take much more. I keep praying and praying, but we just keep getting more and more bad news. My dad HATES going to the doctors and stuff. Now, he has just finished the radiation on his chest and he has to begin it on the brain. I'm hurtung so badly for him. I can't stand watching him go through this. I just want it all to go away! thank you for any comfort you can offer.

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Bless your heart. Your heart is just breaking...and I am so, so sorry. I wish so much there was something I could do, because I do know how you feel and it is such a helpless feeling. It is hard to turn it all over to God at this point, especially when you can be so mad at him for seemingly unanswering your prayers, but do try. My dad had some brain radiation, and though it was scary, it was what needed to be done. Keep your faith, keep venting to us, and keep always knowing that we are here for you, as is God. He can take your anger at him...he's ready for it!!! Far better to be be angry than to not consider him part of the equation at all.

Blessings,

Jen

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I know what you mean about the bad news that just keeps coming. When my mom was diagnosed, initially we knew it was in both lungs, then a couple days later, 2 brain mets, then after a couple months she had her first PET scan and showed mets to the bone and liver. It seemed like an endless cycle of bad news. However, the WBR did take care of the brain mets completely. She had one more pop up that was surgically removed and right now her brain is clear! Chemo seemed to help with the rest and now she is on Tarceva. We are praying that this keeps things in check. Don't give up hope. There is ALWAYS hope. I always say, things sometimes get worse before they get better. Take care and know that there are many people here that really understand what you are going through.

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We are in almost the same situation. I feel like I'm in free fall right now and I don't know when I'm going to hit the ground.

We have to stay strong. I believe that our parents are strong and they can overcome this...

I am hopeful.

Leslie

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I know how hard the bad news is. Hang onto your hope. He has options and he's fighting and getting the treatment...I pray that the positive news starts coming soon.

We are here for you.

(((hug)))

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thanks to everyone for the replies and support. My dad is schedule to begin WBR tomorrow. I'm so afraid. I don't understand why this is necessary. He only has 2 small lesions. Why WBR? I really wish my mom would push for a second opinion. I told her to ask the doctor about gammaknife. I'm just not sure this is the right thing. Perhaps the radiolgy center doesn't have the capability to do gammaknife so they don't suggest it???? As always, everything is happening so fast (which may be a good thing) so no time for second opinions. I pray it all works out.

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If you need a story about hope following a spread of cancer, read "It's Not About the Bike" by Lance Armstrong. Lance didn't have lung cancer, he had testicular cancer - that had spread to his lungs...and his brain... He's now cancer-free.

As the title says, the book isn't about the bike, it's about the journey and it's truly about hope. I strongly suggest you read the book.

All the best to you,

Becky

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I'm sorry..... I'm so new to this "mess" myself, that I feel the same as you! I just want to turn back time, or run down the street screaming, or "something"..... I keep telling myself to take one hour at a time. That's all we can do for now.

Please know I said a prayer for you, and will keep doing so.

Take care of yourself,

Nova

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Thank you so much for the prayers and replies. My dad had a talk with me yesterday to let me know that he is done after these rounds of radiation. He said he's not worried about anything and not to worry about him. IMPOSSIBLE! I'm so scared. I use to think he really had a possitive attitude (which gave me hope), now I think he's losing this. How do I make him understand that he has hit a bump in the road, but not the end? My mom keeps saying she wants to find out how much time he's going to have. That doesn't demonstrate hope or being positive (like we ALL need to be). It really upsets me that she is insisting on it. I keep trying to tell her that NO doctor is GOD. Then she said her and my dad were discussing when this happens and that... NO, NO, NO! I feel she should be telling him we are going to take one day at a time (his words) and not worry about what may or may NOT happen right now. Am I right? I really feel I'm starting to lose it. Thanks for listening.

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Does your dad realize that there is still definitely hope? Look at the survivors on this board, including Stage IIIB and IV. Make sure he realizes that although it's a scary diagnosis, there are success stories ... show him some of the wonderful survivors on this forum!!!

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You know I feel he use to have hope (before his brain mets). He use to say things like, "I'm not going anywhere." Now, I understand he's been talking to my mom about things like, "when" I get worse and "I don't want hospice." I just keep tellling him success stories and remind him that he can beat this.

I let him know this is a hurdle and they want him to do the WBR so it's less likely for recurrences. I haven't heard anyone in my family say anything positive. Even though I'm being criticized for "the time I spend on the computer," I have found so much hope here that I can share with my dad. I think my family thinks I'm living on false hope. Well, even if that's true, it's better than giving up. I'm not seeing a man who is ready to go anywhere and, as long as that is the case, I will keep pushing and reinforcing hope. We had a get together at my parents tonight (as we do every week). I overheard my sister's sil (whose dad died over 6 years ago from lc) say something to my other sister about having relief once it's over. My sister just agreed and showed no emotion whatsoever. Helloooo, my dad isn't gone, yet (and I pray he's not for a long time). I don't understand why it seems people are focusing more on when he's gone than on what can be done to keep him here. I mean it's not like he's in end stages or anything. He's still going through treatment and not doing too bad. The doctors have actually said they are surprised. That's encouraging. Maybe I'm wrong here, but I just don't feel like I am. Thanks for listening and giving your opinions. God Bless.

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I know we want to keep our parentes with us as long as possible, but whether to continue with treatment is ultimately your father's decision. Talking about how to handle the final stages of life may not be giving up, in fact I think it is healthy. It's a situation we will all have to face one way or another.

Can you talk with your father about some of the treatment options he has and still let him know that you will support him in the decision he makes? That's all we can really do.

I know it sucks, but we can't fight this battle for our loved ones. We just can't.

You are in my prayers.

Susan

Susan

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see my dad has never really been one to talk about what is on his mind. He especially has avoided discussing this with me because he knows what a difficult time I've been having and I think he's trying to protect me. However, lately he has been discussing more things with me and I think it's because I give him hope. I just wish everyone else was doing the same. I feel my mom shouldn't use words like "when" and use words like "if". I just keep telling him that NO ONE knows what is going to happend and let's just take things one step at a time. I havn't really pushed him to do anything. Just like I told him, I will continue to share with him what I learn and make suggestions and he can tell me know if he wants. I just feel that others in my family should share some hope instead of writing him off. Thanks again.

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As one "daddy's girl" to another. It sounds like you may already be giving your father what he needs. At this point the only thing you can control is your relationship and your interactions with your father and your interactions with the rest of the family. You can't control how they feel, what they fear, or how they deal with that fear--no matter how much you want to.

I can tell you and your Dad have a very special relationship.

((((Hugs))))

Susan

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Thank you, Susan. You are right I can't control them and how they deal with things. I just try to bite my tongue and focus on my dad (and not them). I know the last thing my dad would want is his family at odds over this. So I'm going to do everything I can to prevent that and still try to keep him positive. thanks again for your opinion. It really helps to hear how what someone else thinks of the situation.

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Sometimes preparing for the worst and praying for the best are good things. It is better to face reality in making Preparations, just in case that to get caught off guard and having everyone completelty shocked by an event. We hope that things will get better but in the back of our mind is that Darn little voice that keeps gnawing at our Brain. Hope this makes sense and hellps a little.

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I hear what you are saying, but for me I'm having a difficult time as it is even though I have hope. Imagine if I didn't have hope. I wouldn't be able to enjoy whatever time I do have left with my dad. I'd rather have a worse time dealing with it later than now. I actually got really upset at my mom tonight. You see she's trying to keep him from doing things like cutting the grass (they have a riding lawn mower). I told her to let him do what he feels he can. To me, it is better for him to keep pushing himself. My dad has soooo much pride that he needs that. So he gets tired. He knows the consequences and he's a grown man and can make those decissions himself. He doesn't need anyone nagging him. Then, she made a commet that this is a heck of a way to "finish up." WHAT??? I told her I want to stay positive and have hope and I don't want to hear anything like that. She said she has hope to. That didn't sound like hope to me. Then she makes comments about my long face. I ask you, when people make comments like I've been hearing, how am I suppose to smile?

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((((((daddyslittlegirl))))))

You keep hanging onto that hope and sharing it with your Daddy. He likely needs both places to process the "Ifs" and places to recharge on the hope. It sounds like you are helping him remember to live.

Hang in there. Praying for you both.

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