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"Grandma" name.... She asked....--updated with fi


Treebywater

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Val,

You know that I am with you on not being ready for the "Grandma" name yet. This time should be about you and the new baby you are about to bring into the world. Your feelings are important and you have been open to allowing your Dad's happiness. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all and I'm so sorry that you have to struggle with this right now. You already have the hormone thing going crazy and missing your mom but to add this, at this time...at some point you have to put your feelings out there and hopefully your Dad will see that you aren't trying to hurt her or him.

Gosh, I obsess over this and I just feel for you right now...it will all work out--after all, this time should be about the new baby coming!!! I'll be thinking about you!

Trish

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I think I would also want the great big, "Whoa, slow down." In our situation, which is a little different, 'Grandma' said to the kids, you can call me this, or this, or Grandma, whichever makes you feel happy and no matter what you choose, I will love you anyway. It was their decision but I think just the discussion helped them to know that there does exist someone else that could have been called Grandma in this place, and that she was respecting how everyone felt. It seemed comfortable and loving.

Hugs...Flowergirlie

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Everybody seems to be on board with 'Nonna.' I still think "Nonna and Pa-pa" sound wonderful together.

So, it looks like we found the way through this for OUR family. I'm really glad that we were able to find a solution that made us all comfortable. And I'm really glad that this time I spoke up. Whether it seems 'right' to some or not, it was something I know I needed to do. I am pleased and now enjoying (well trying to.... I'm huge!) buckling down to get ready for this baby who is due... tomorrow! I would be delighted if she was punctual, but I'm not holding my breath.

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Val,

I have the greatest respect for you. You're so bright and have suffered so much. You have no clue if Shari and your Dad will last. Your Dad was on the rebound and remarried quickly.

Take it a day at a time and I agree, let your kids decide what they want to call her. You create beautiful kids BTW. I don't know if I've ever seen anyone as adorable as Carolyn ( my own kid wasn't as cute!). Good luck with the birth of your new daughter. You have license to grieve your mother, the rest of everything seems insequential. Go with the flow. You're a beautiful person!

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"Sheri"]Val,

I have the greatest respect for you. You're so bright and have suffered so much. You have no clue if Shari and your Dad will last. Your Dad was on the rebound and remarried quickly.

quote]

Eh--I'm certainly not worried about them lasting. I'm pretty sure they're both in this for the long haul. Sometimes it just doesn't take long to find. Neither of them take these things lightly. And I don't take their commitment to this lightly.

FOR THE RECORD--I don't feel like anyone has been slinging daggers. I really do THANK YOU ALL for your different insights and input. I wrote so much so that hopefully you could all see where *I* was coming from--both in regards to the topic at hand (hopefully you it is understood not from any intentions of disrespect)--, and also in regards to how I approach things with my kids. I will admit that some of the responses fuelled my obsession with the issue for the last few days, but I know the hearts of most who posted here, and I know you were offering me perspective, support, and care in each message.

What I learned here outside of all that:

1) This is an emotionally charged issue from all sides.

2) For me, the issue was a need to set a boundary and speak up for my feelings.... which was difficult to see under all the other, but I'm grateful that I 'got' that. For me it was the most important thing, and ultimately what allowed me to find any resolution.

3) Different families do things such different ways. And 'words' and 'names' can be approached from any variety of angles. Recognizing that actually helped me feel a bit of freedom in it all.

It's actually been very interesting to see where we all came from. And most of the posts here really were helpful in my hashing it all out.

So I say nothing but THANK YOU to everyone.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that too.

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Val, I'm so glad you and your Dad talked and seem to have reached an agreement. I think Nonna is an absolutely adorable name that anyone would be proud to have.

This is the wonderful thing about having access to this board. We can all have differing opinions and discuss them rationally, without being judged.

Val, I'm so very proud of you!!!

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Hi Val

Just me here in the background, been so busy with work I hae not been on. But I just want you to know that I think you are being very mature and fair about your feelings.

I am glad that you have come to an agreement with your dad and Shari. That must be a load off your mind.

When is the baby due? I know it is soon.

Maryanne :wink:

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Val,

Just want to echo what so many others have written. You are a kind, loving and mature woman.

You handled the situation with respect and courtesy for your Dad's wife and you stayed true to yourself and your feelings. Good on 'ya.

Enjoy this special time.

Kel

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I'm not sure how old your first child is, but doesn't anyone else think it's a little insensitive for this woman, in the picture such a short time, to be pushing this issue RIGHT NOW??? What should be at the forefront of any concern right now is you having a healthy baby and easy delivery! And, that the absence of your mother is made as easy as possible for you. Sheesh, it will be quite a while before this baby utters words!!!

I just can't imagine being that concerned about a name when a child is an infant/toddler ... just so my grandchildren are respectful, I don't think I'll give a hoot what they call me. But I do think it borders on cruel for her to even bring it up and make an issue of it at this point.

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Just have to tell a story here --

My grandmother, whose given name was Catherine, did NOT want to be called Grandma. She was from the age when ladies didn't tell their ages, and she wanted the kids to call her what her friends called her -- Kitty.

Well, seems easy enough to say, but my cousin, her first grandchild, could not wrap his tongue around "Kitty".

He called her "Kiki"

So for over fifty years, she was our Kiki.

We had claimed her for our own without calling her Grandmother OR Kitty.

Kids have a way with these things....

My mother was Gamma, and that morphed into Gramma. My father ( had a bit of revenge here, only kidding) was PopPop.

His father was Poppi, not to be confused with my other grandfather who was Papa.

I never knew my other grandmother.

BUT -- Best wishes for a safe birth and healthy mother and child. Carolyn is just about ready to figure out what to call Shari, and I doubt she will be able to enunciate GRaND MoTHeR properly.

While I sympathize with Val about the rapidity with which her dad wants her to welcome this woman, there are many variations on the word, but the meaning is in the heart.

If she is Grandpa's mate, then she'll have some kind of name that indicates this, whether its Memaw, Oomah, Nana, or something else.

Nothing will ever confuse them in their hearts about who Grandma Caro is -- their mom's beloved mother.

This is why we tell our children stories about when we were little, and they paint the picture inside themselves. They know what importance a Mommy carries to them, and they'll know how important your Mommy was to you.

I agree with you about the "hey slow down, I'm trying to absorb this all happening too fast for me". 100%.

It's the thoughts and feelings behind the request and response that are important.

God bless you and your family, Val.

That includes your dad's wife, whatever your kids wind up calling her.

XOXOX

MaryAnn

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