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so sad for my husband....

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there will be time to be sad for me later...

I am so sad right now for him... he is carrying such a huge thing...

he hasnt even been able to start chemo yet... he asked to speak with the onc yesterday..he asked his prognosis..she said much less than 6 months..then clarified... 3-4... this is consistent b/c she said 6 mths 2 mths ago... he told her he hasnt had much appetite and she said...that isnt good...but we all know that... he asked if the chemo would prolong his life and she said it might that is why they would want to try...he said he would get back to her...

he is having to make a huge decision right now..

if he does nothing he will surely go soon...

if he does try chemo..it could prolong his life but make it even more miserable or it could have a negative effect and shorten his life even more...

so many things we all take for granted...and even complain about... work, chores around the house...things he would love to be able to do right now he cant....

I am sad for all the things he cant do... sad for all the things he will never get to do....things WE will never get to do....I think of all the things we put off b/c of one reason or another... vacations we ddnt take... 'maybe next year we can"....there was always next year... now we dont even know if thereis next month!

I truly cant imagine what he is going through...if it is anything like I am imagining...it breaks my heart.... I am sure this is a very lonely and separating thing... knowing everyone around you can talk about the future in big terms...you can only speak of them in small (days, weeks, months)

I am sorry for being a downer... I just had to say it somewhere... I know a lot of you can understand...unless you are in this situation..you cannot...

this overwhelming feeling of impending doom...never goes away..it is always there...

I had a dream a few weeks ago that he was killed in a car crash...instead of waking up relieved that it was a dream...the reality hit and I realized it was a whole other nightmare.....

there will be time for me later but for now..I am sad for him.....

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I know this is a hard time for you both. Just know that almost every Stage 3-4 survivor here has been in the same place and went on to live much longer than the prognosis. My husband was given 4 months and next month he will hit his 5 year mark. Your husband has many options open to him - you could ask about Tarceva if he doesn't want to do IV chemo. Have you had a second opinion? It might help you make decisions about treatment.

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I'm so sorry for what you and your husband are going through. I often wonder what my dad is thinking (since he doesn't tell us). I pray for their strength. I feel so helpless. All we can do is love them and bring them as much happiness as we can for as long as we can. You are a great wife! Take care of yourself and try to hang in there. Sending prayers.

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I would encourage your husband to get a second/third opinion and way all the facts. I think it is important to be pro-active. They have come a long way with chemo and meds to offset any side effects. They can make adjustments or one can always stop. One is not going to know if it works or not unless one tries. My doctor thought I would have a lot of problems with chemo and I had very few side effects. It would also help if your husband joined a support group to talk to people who have been there done that. The Wellness Community is a great place and it is free. There are 6 locations @ http://www.thewellnesscommunity.org/default.asp in California. It's a lot to take in at first and digest and it is understandable how both of you feel. Hope this helps. Prayers for the best.

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I have a giant lump in my throat from reading your post... I'm so sorry for both of you.

I know how you feel, and when you spoke of your husband, it was "so close to home"...

Sometimes when I look at Harry, I feel like my heart is breaking into a million piece's.....Don't give up though! (We CAN'T!) Maybe you can do as others have suggested here, and get a second opinion, and a third and a fourth-until there are no more left to get!.....

Please know that I'm saying a prayer for you guys, and that I'll be thinking of you often.

If there's anything I can do, over the miles, please let me know.


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There are no easy answers to whether or not to have chemo. It may give one person months of good life and another person agony. And there is no way to tell ahead of time. I go with getting another opinion, weighing the options and going with whatever you two then decide. As you say, ultimately it is your husband's choice but you need to buy in, because you are also greatly affected by any decision. I do know your agony and overwhelmingness. I went through that for 4 years. I would go through more if I just had her here to take care of. But I do believe she is in a better place. I hold you both up during this terrific time. Don

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It is so hard to watch your loved one suffer.What to say to them.Why has it happened to him,its not fair.Life is about the journey, not about the outcome.

Be strong you need all the courage to be by his side.

My prayers are with you tonight. Take care. Sonia UK

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I truly appreciate all of your responses..I really do..

but if you were here and saw..you would know that 2nd and 3rd opinions just arent possible. He is so weak right now. He has not eaten anything since yesterday morning. and rarely has eaten at all for weeks now... Barely taken a couple of cups of fluid today and most days. Today he has slept most of the day and when he is awake he is not all there. he hasnt gotten off the couch since this morning. He has left the house maybe 10 times in the past 6 weeks... to go to radiation and 2 dr visits.. it was all I could do for that.

While I have read some remarkable stories you all know there is a point of no return...I truly think we have reached that. And even if he hadnt, he is not fighting this... it wasnt until yesterday that he came right out and asked the dr his prognosis... and it has been 2 months we have been dealing with it...

I am so glad to hear of your stories of being around 5 years after a stage iv dx...but there are such varying levels of health... my husband was already unable to work when he was dx due to massive pleural effusion... we think his strength and health worked against him...he was able to tolerate symptoms too long if that makes sense...

I appreciate all the well wishes I really do...

but I dont think there are any miracles here....

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