Therapists

[bam451]

Have any of you decided to see a therapist to help deal with the devastation of cancer? I knew that this wouldn’t be an easy fight and I know the outcome but I’m just not feeling any better. I cry just as often as I did when my mom first got diagnosed. I just cannot deal with this. Now I’m starting to notice health concerns. I have been having chest pressure and there has also been a spike in my blood pressure. I’m worried that all of this stress is going to really hurt me. They suggested anti anxiety medications but I am hoping to get pregnant soon. (I know that’s a entirely different conversation). I decided to try a therapist. I know that there is nothing anybody can say to make me feel better. There is no solution to this problem. I’ve gone twice now and all I do is talk and all she says is “You are dealing with a very tough situation” and “You are handling this the best you can.” It’s really no different than talking to my friend on the phone. Am I missing something?!? Is this all it’s supposed to be? I know she cannot solve my problem, but is going to a therapist just about them listening? I guess I just feel silly spending all this money just to talk to someone. Someone who doesn’t say anything more than what my closest friends say. If any of you have gone this route, I’d be curious to hear how it helped you.

[daddyslittlegirl]

I haven't seen a threrapist yet, but I've been considering it. Sometimes I feel I'm losing it and I can't afford to do that because I have 2 small children that need me. I'm sorry to hear they haven't been much help. I do agree with you though that there really isn't anything anyone can say that will make it better. That's why I have chosen not to tell most of my friends about it. I wil tell you though my biggest help comes from the people here. I get so much hope from the people here and that really helps. I don't know about you, but staying positive (instead of focusing on the negative) really helps me. I'm praying for you and your mom. Would you please keep us posted on if things get better with the therapist? It will help me decide if I should. Thanks, try to hang in there.

[fillise]

Sucks doesn't it? I can get through my work week, but once in the houseat night and on the weekends, I don't want to leave. So far, this weekend, I haven't.

DLG is right. The one place where people really seem to listen and understand is this board. Maybe if you tell us exactly what it is you are afraid of. Sometimes the act of writing it out can help you to work through it. I don't think we can make you less sad, or less afraid, but there is hope here--for you as well as for your mom.

[wendyr]

We all think we have control over certain situations and lung cancer in our loved ones leaves us totally out of control, which is frustrating & difficult to say the least. You are in a very difficult situation that you probably have never been in before. For me the hardest part to come to terms with is the lack of control that I have over this disease. It's important to try to get to the acceptance part, and understanding that I have no control over this. I think once that process takes place, the rest falls into place, but getting to the acceptance part is definitely the hardest thing. I pray for peace, strength & serenity for you. Good Luck & God Bless

wendyr

[Snowflake]

If you aren't happy with your therapist, shop around. The first therapist I saw I felt was worthless. The second therapist I saw I felt was clueless. The third therapist I spoke with was through the American Cancer Society. The first time I met with her, she let me talk - for three hours! She had a unique perspective, she dealt with cancer and knew before I did what I would be up against. I've seen her once since then.

The fourth therapist I've seen off and on for about three years. She's a trained marriage counselor (believe it or not, this crap has put additional strain on a new marriage with blended families) but has been a tremendous help in our case. My husband sees her, as well.

The other suggestion? Talk to your primary care doctor. Discuss anti-anxiety medication that is safe to take with pregnancy. That chest tightening is stress/anxiety and it is NOT good for you. You may be put on a daily medication, you may get something like Xanax to just get you through the rough times, but you definitely need something to get you back on track.

Good luck - and like I first stated, if you aren't happy with your therapist, FIND A BETTER ONE.

[bam451]

I have tried to let it all in. I've tried to accept it. I've even come close. But every time I start to accept the fact that I have no control over my mom's cancer I remember that I am going to loose her and that I just cannot accept. I'm only 28. I should have paid more attention growing up to all of her tricks of the trade. I thought she'd be here.. And then I want to start a family. I'm afraid to have a baby and not have her hear, I'm afraid to start a family and have her die while I'm pregnant. I'm just afraid of everything. The therapist I started seeing is nice I just dont know what she can say to make me feel better. I just dont know if she can say anything more than my husband and best friends. Maybe I should call my obgyn and confide in him about what's going on. My therapist thinks that maybe I should put off having a baby but I dont want cancer to affect my life any more than it already is. And I really think that a baby is going to be the only thing that might fill the void when my mom passes.

[Andrea]

Therpay works for a lot of people. For me it didn't. I felt similar to you. I stopped going despite the fact that I suffer from major anxiety issues.

If your anxiety is overwhelming, talk to your obgyn. I was told Zoloft was ok to take while trying to get pregnant.

I am older than you, I am 35 now. I started fertility treaetments a couple of years ago. My first visit with the fertility dr was when my mom was in ICU and they told me she might not make it. My mom made me go to the visit though

Do what feels best for you. SOme people say to hold off but my feeling was that stress is always there and I just went ahead all of those years.

If you want to talk about any fertility and anxiety stuff, PM me.

[kaneohegirl]

there are several drugs that are ok to take while trying to get pregnant as well as while pregnant! your helath problem are the result of the stress and you say you want to get pregnant... while your body is a battlefield of stress bombs it WILL not let you get pregnant or if you do your stress will place you in a high risk pregnancy due to blood pressure.

therapist talk thats what they do.... while you PCP or seeing a Psychiatrist can help you with percription meds

being supported with meds is not a bad thing...take advantage of modern medicine

[moorech3]

The only thing that has gotten me through this terrible journey is my faith that God has a plan for each of our lives and that he allows what he hates in order to accomplish what he loves. If you do not have a church relationship, there are usually many non-denominational churches around who have specific ministires to help people deal with greif. Maybe try looking at one of their websites or ask a neighbor?? Not trying to push anything on you but thought I would offer the idea. I will pray for you, your mom, and all the deicisions you will be making soon.

[Nick C]

I see a therapist once a week.

I wasn't suffering from anxiety, I wasn't having an impossible time functioning. But I needed to meet with the trauma head on so it didn't bite me later.

As time has gone on, things have come up to deal with around mom's death, family, future, and the different view.

It helps me, because I get to say what I want. And it's my dime. I don't worry later about (oh my poor friend, all they ever do it hear me complain). Nope. That's his job...and I find I become aware of things I didn't piece together until I say them out loud.

[daddyslittlegirl]

Nick,

That was a very good point. I've been thinking about seeing a therapist (some of suggested it to me) and that may have convinced me too.

[bam451]

That is a very good point Nick. My therapist asked me if I am capable of talking about my feelings. I just laughed. Do I ever!! I want to scream from the roof tops how horrible this is, how stupid my friends are for smoking! I have had friends in the past who have seen therapists for reasons like anxiety over social situations, being afraid of elevators. And they were given assignments to help them. There really is NOTHING that can make me feel better. There is no assignment to help me accept this. The only thing people have suggested is allowing myself "me" time. And I really struggle with that. I'll have the rest of my life for "me" time. I want to spend as much time with her as I possibly can while she's here. It's been nice this week. My bathroom at home is being re-modeled. It's going to take about 14 days and we only have one bathroom. So I'm staying with my parents. My husband is roughing it out at home. It's been nice to be here. It was my 29th birthday yesterday and birthdays have always been soo special between me and my mom. It just really scares me that it could be my last one with her. But again, there is nothing I can do. = (

[daddyslittlegirl]

First of all, I want to say a belated happy birthday to you. I'm sure you did enjoy it staying with your parents. You must have felt like a little girl again. I have thought many times about how I would like to rewind the clock. I agree about it not being about us. I want to spend as much time as I can with my dad too. I wish I had an excuse to do that to. Enjoy your time. I'm praying your mom has much success with the Tarceva and that she is here for your 30th birthday! Hang in there.