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looking for a little input


onelunger

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I'm just wondering what I (the patient) can do to ease my husband's (the caregiver) mental pain and anguish at having to watch me go through this blasted disease. I try my best to keep an upbeat, positive attitude, and do pretty well most of the time, but I do have bad days along the way, as I'm sure most of us do. Is there anything any of you can think of that I can do to help him get through this as easily as possible? I actually worry about him more than myself. I absolutely HATE putting him through this. Any input you may have would be MOST appreciated. Thank you all and God Bless, Mary

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My suggestions are few, as I know how hard this situation is for both of you. Having been there recently, I know it is very important to talk to your spouse about what you are feeling. Dennis never opened up and talked a lot about what he was feeling (physically and mentally). I know that he was trying to be brave for both of us. He always did his best to protect me from everything. I spent my time wondering and worrying about what was on his mind and how he was handling this. I think one of the most important things you can do to ease your husband is to talk...talk...talk!!!

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Amen!! Ann has the best answer I can come up with. My Dad didn't talk to us much at all about how he was feeling and that just tore us up inside. It only adds to the worry and the terrible feeling of being scared beyond belief. Yes, it sure was nice to see Dad upbeat at times, laugh and try to enjoy a certain activity but I know if he had talked to me more, I would have felt better. And I have to think it would have made him feel a little better too.

Hope this helps.

Kris

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As the caregiver to my wife, I would rather she tell me everything, painful though it may be, rather than have her brewing privately about something and my guessing what is going on. I can only do my best if I know what is going on at any given time. I don't know your husband, so I don't know how much he can take. I surprised myself that I could take on and hear more than I ever imagined. Of course, I have had to take care of myself as well and be sure I am healthy mentally and physically. Unfortunately, a lot of men don't want to deal with things they can't fix, and some withdraw. I hope your husband is more like me and wants to know how he can help. You job is to get well -- period -- and his job is to help you do that. Let him o his job. My prayers are with you. Don

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As a survivor, I have kept my wife in the forefront with my disease, since my diagnosis in September 2001. She has attended all but one doctor appointment with me. We talk openly about my lung cancer and express our feelings and/or concerns directly towards each other. She is quick to point out observations, she has made of me, to the oncologist. We have been together, as a team, since the beginning of this journey with lung cancer. Openess is the key, especially between spouses.

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Hi,

I have read then reread you post. It sure is hard to try and answer not knowing your spouse. I know that my husband and I do not keep anything to ourself. If he is not feeling well, I want to know what the problem is. I don't want him to be having problems and me no knowing. I don't want him to feel like you are right now. You are the patient and don't need to worry about anyone but yourself. He is a big boy and hopefully he will be fine helping you. Is there some reason you are asking this? Is he having a difficult time? If he is, tell us and then maybe we can relate better. If he is not having a problem dealing with your cancer then be yourself and only worry about you as #1.

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I want to thank all of you for responding. I really, really appreciate the input and will try my best to follow your advise. Up to this point, things are fine. I am just one of those that likes to plan things in advance and be ready for whatever comes up, which at this point is not to promising. I just want to be prepared for what the cards deal me and for it to be as easy as possible on my loving, supportive husband. We do communicate very well and do share all our feelings, etc. I was just afraid there was something else I should be doing that I'm not. Best of life to all of you, and thanks again. May God Bless all of you and your loved ones, Mary

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