beat it Posted May 17, 2007 Share Posted May 17, 2007 Well I havent done alot of posting latley, but read daily. MIL is taking radiation (which has almost no side effects, the radio onc told her) trying to reduce a very painful tumor. We have changed pain meds to oral morphine (2 types) shes getting so weak, no appitite, having trouble hearing her on the phone now too. Told me today she feels worse now than when she took the chemo (and that was the strongest dose they give) we've got anxiety attacks to boot. Cant sleep thru the night for the pain......... I just wish I could take this away. Watching her just slowly wither. Cant even unload the full tray of silverware from a dishwasher with out sitting down to rest. Being the families advocate (they always want me there and the knowledge I have gained thru studing this) I have the task now of letting them know we need to prepare ourselves. The famly never was good at communication, (my gift or curse in life) and they simply dont talk. Dont get me wrong they love each other, fight to the end for each other, but ...... Trying to keep a positive and steady keel while realizing it is time to prepare. We may have months......we may hav just one or two???? Maybe less?. Maybe its just a spell..........maybe it will all go away when we wake up from this nightmare. Watching her in pain, nine months now,.......rips my heart. I've prepared for the future, went to Hospice meetings learned their procedures to be ready for it IF we ever needed it...... I wanted to make the transition better for everyone I love so much, yet I dont know I will suceed. Who can take this burden from another? Who can humanly prepare for the pain and morning. I learned about 5 months into this I couldnt fight her cancer, I couldnt impose my strong alternative belifes on an unwilling person, that I didnt have her cancer. Now I have the realzation I cant carry this for the family either. My husband wants to deny it all away. When I softly and gently explain things he listens, but I watch his leg or foot begin to shake, he gets uneasy. ........ Sorry......back to the radiation issue. If Radiation hasnt horrible side effects then the progression we learned of in the last 2 months is taking over, slowly and painfully. Anyone have some thoughts on radiation and extreme fatigue, weakness, voice loss and loss of appitite? Thanks for the space here to ramble, sorry about that........ Beat it...........feeling beat today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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