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Round 1,532,238....I Think


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Two years...and so many ups and downs that I've lost track. Heck, to be honest, I've lost the urge to even attempt to keep track! We're "down" again. Not that the "ups" recently have been very high, but we've managed to find moments that qualify!

Ralph had Mom transported back to the hospice facility on Friday morning. There were some incidents that happened late Thursday night, early Friday morning that I'm not going to go into on here for the sake of Mom's dignity but let me reassure you all that I HATE ( :evil: ) this disease with a passion. Anyway...it was just plain old too much for Ralph and he made the decision. I'm thankful that he did and hurting for him badly for all he's been having to go through as her primary caregiver all this time.

It's the same hospice facility and I had to laugh a bit when we walked in yesterday and one of the nurses still remembered who we "belonged" to. I asked her if it's because we're so nutty that she remembered us and she told me that she remembered us because our whole family seems so loving and compassionate and how we all seemed to be doing so well with the tension and such that goes with this process. I wanted to cry...but thanked her and scooted off again before I burst into tears.

I figured they had Mom sedated. She was having a hard time focusing and would slip in and out of conversation. The nurse told me later that they'd not given her any medication since 5a.m. and that it was more likely than not just the disease process taking hold. She seems more calm about being there now, at least for now. It might have been that the room she was in last time was the same room that one of our family friends had occupied before she passed of ovarian cancer a couple years ago. She's in a different room now, so we'll see how it goes.

She's on camera at all times, monitored from the nurses station (that goes back to the incidents before she was brought back) and they have her cathed now. Her breathing is interrupted by some fairly extended periods of apnea...followed by extended times of normal breathing. They come to "turn" her every hour and a half to two hours. I'm reminded of my years working in the nursing home...and it saddens me to see Mom in there. But I'm extremely happy to know that these people really do CARE about what they're doing and the people for whom they're providing care.

I can't even venture a guess on how long...nor do I feel the need to anymore. She's not done a single d*mn thing "by the book" up to this point...why would she start following the rules now?? LOL

I had the very odd experience of sitting at her bedside yesterday and holding her hand...keeping the "death watch"...while feeling my son move inside me. Humbling to be witness to the true meaning of "circle of life".

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OK, so this post has me crying, which is OK. YOu are such a strong woman Missy with such a beautiful perspective on life, the big circle that it is.

I am so glad you feel comfortable with your mom's caregivers, that is great.

You are in my thoughts every day. May God grant your mom peace.

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