lionking Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 you know, i thought when my husband and i separated my hear was broken....i got over it. i dont ever think i will be ok with this loss....not only me, but my children, one 20 and one 8 ...both heartbroken over their nanny, their beautiful, wonderful nanny. My mom also, oh God this sucks so much...sometimes I feel that I cannot get through one more moment, but i do, somehow.... In the words of my mom, will it always be like this???? oh mom, i miss you so, i need help to get through this! i never, never, ever, thought it would be this bad! please mom, let me know you are okay! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carolhg Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 I am so very sorry for your loss and for your pain. My prayers are with you and your family. Carol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionking Posted May 22, 2007 Author Share Posted May 22, 2007 I have never felt pain like this, i just dont know what to do with it, dont know where to put it. i think i need to move out of this house, where my mom lived with us, me and the kids....i just want to run away from here....i want the dream i wait for every night! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamasbabygirl Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 Heather, I have read here many many times that time does not heal the wound for some bc it means they are farther away from their loved one. It sounds like you are feeling that right now. It is OK to feel crappy. You just lost your mom and it sounds like best friend, as my mom was to me. It just plain hurts and life will never be the same for us. We are still on a road, probably for many years, that has a ton of ups and downs and we just have to get through it. I feel blessed that we have one another to help on days like this. Vent on, we're here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick C Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 I don't feel like there are any words, but I really feel what you are writing. I can only say I believe not only is she OK, she is someplace that is so great our words can't describe it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mskim Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 I cry out to my mom the same... I ache with you. I cannot say that this will ever go away, but it will not be like this forever. I send you hugs and prayers, and Like Nick, I beleive our moms are in the most beautiful place, watching and waiting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionking Posted May 23, 2007 Author Share Posted May 23, 2007 can anyone say when??? if i have a time line to shoot for, maybe it will help just a little bit....i know that is not realistic but i feel like if i have a little hope that someday....do you know what i mean? im sorry, so sorry i am such a wreck when i desire to be anything but! i am always been the tough one, after my dad. this really sucks...if i could just know for sure, see my mom in my dream i wait for every night.....maybe it would be worse and she knows that....maybe she is waiting for me to be ok so she can come to me????? i just feel like im waiting, and waiting- im so so sad, im also angry as of last night, for things i didnt do, didnt say...has anyone been the the letters to heaven site? except there is never a reply...i need a reply, mom! my mom, she was my true champion, no matter what! i will probably never experience that again - she so loved my children too! i just wish for one more moment, sometimes i try to close my eyes and imagine it, even though she is not here. mom, please....i know she can feel my heartbreak, i KNOW IT!. i mever, never thought it would be so so so hard! it doesnt even seem real...i wonder did it happen like i remember? did it even really happen! i remember how cold she felt, and how still.....the way her feet looked, how the doctor explained it...why did i look at her feet???? i almost wish i didnt, why did i anyway? i kinda wished it was over, even, i was so tired, i had given up hope, based on what the doctors had said. what do they know any way, not as much as they think and not nearly - how could my beautiful mom be a pile of ashes in a plastic box???????? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick C Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 I have a guy at church who lost his dad when he was 36...I think he is now 52... He was VERY kind to talk to me about how I was feeling. He said, "It's 17 years later for me. I still miss her. I still wish she was here. But thoughts of her are no longer filled with tears...and I can talk and be happy about the memories...but I'm still sad she isn't here." We will always miss them. But we will be able to keep living in the knowlege that we will see them again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionking Posted May 25, 2007 Author Share Posted May 25, 2007 maybe that is what i missing...everyone else seems in so much pain or so far removed that i cant bring myself to share my own....and busy with their own lives too....i kinda feel like i am left here with my 2 kids who are hurting just every bit as much as i am...i tried to talk to my 8 year old today, i could not with out crying...i tried so hard too! my mom lived with me and the kids, she raised them both really ....especially my 8 year old i am worried about, she doesnt have the words i do, or my 20 year old does, not that he ever says anything though....he just plays his video games and waits to go off to college again. i cant talk to either of them without crying myself, so i avoid talking about it. today i asked my 8 yr old how she was doing and she told me how it is not getting better, she cries almost every day at school or on the bus. she is heartbroken. i told her every day that i am sad, but some days i feel angry too, i dont even know who i am angry with. she said that God knew that she needed her nanny more than he did, so why did he take her away? I told her that God maybe needed nanny more, but we didnt know it. She said no way, I need her. I told her all the 'we still have her in our hearts, in our memories' thing. It did not fly with her do we need grief counseling???? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma's kid Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 Gentle hugs, Heather...there are no words to make it better. Saying a prayer for comfort and peace. We are here! Libby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eileen Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 When my Mom died, I literally had a pain in my heart for at least a year. I missed her so much it was like a part of me died with her. But as time went on , it did get better. The ache was still there but just not as bad. I can't give you a time line, but someday you will be able to remember her and think of the good and happy times Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kamataca Posted May 26, 2007 Share Posted May 26, 2007 I can't add any more to what our good friends have said, and it is just too fresh for me to imagine a timeline. Maybe if we all just lean on each other and hold each other tight in our thoughts and prayers, maybe just for a few minutes at a time we can breathe. I'll start with a few minutes, and see where we go from there. I'm praying for you tonight. Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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