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A bad day for us all??


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Since reading Val's post and the responses to it, I realized many of us were having one of "those" days.

Tonight was my son's 3rd grade play. It was awesome. I was so proud of him...and yet all I could think about was this was the first time my mom wasn't here- she had been to every single program and every silly class party.....my eyes were threatening tears all night but I kept it together for my son- this was his night.

Val hit it on the nose for me....The pain isn't constant for me like it was 3 months ago...but it breathes and lives underneath everything I do. There is this profound emptyness in my heart and in my life without my parents.

It just hurts. I just miss them so so much.

For everyone who had one of "those" days...I'm sending a hug and a prayer for you. And I hope tomorrow is a better day for all of us.

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Yea I keep getitng hit by the grief monster lately too. Do not know why though. Hope the sun shines for all tomorrrow morning.

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With Spring here, and all of the beauty and new life, it is hard for me get adjusted to not having mom here to scheme up all of our summer plans, festivals to come, who's planting what. The baseball games are the hardest without her. She was my childrens' biggest fan. I miss her so very much.

I have a collage picture frame that hangs right above my desk, so as I am typing this, I can look up and there she is smiling at me. Lately, I look up and then right back down very quickly. I feel the urge to cry, but can't. I wonder if I have had so much pain and loss in my life that I am hardened. I can't even cry!

What I do take comfort in is that I am the part of my mama that has lived on. I am stronger than ever in my values and beliefs, most of those taught to me by my mama. I still ask myself "What would mom do/say?" when confronted with a big decision to make. She is in me, I know that. I am more like her than I would ever admit when she was alive. Still, life was much better with her in it.

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You would think after all the yaers my mom (21yrs) and dad (37yrs) have been gone it wouldn't hurt me so bad. Well...it's much much MUCH better then it ever use to be, but I still have very lonely moments and feelings of needing & wanting them back in my life. It's not as hurtful, but those feelings after all these years tell come and go. I still miss them.

Sending warm & hugs back to you Katie and Val and everyone else that has lost a loved one.

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I know and feel what you are all feeling. Spring renewal and the end of school brings another season of lost Fridays... my mom, before she was sick, worked 4 day weeks, starting in May through September. This meant garage saling, flower shopping, planting, shopping, lunches and often, getting ready to go camping for the weekend. We spent almost every Friday together since my son was born 10 years ago and maybe even before that, I can't remember.

I stand in the yard an look at the peonies that I could never get to bloom when she was alive, now hers is in my garden (Idug them up when Chip sold the house) and I watch and wait. I hope they bloom.

It hurts to look at it.

It hurts to look at my kids, they have grown. Cameron went through Kindergarten. Chloe is starting Kindergarten in the fall. Hunter is liking girls and has long hair. This is just the beginning of what she is missing and what I cannot talk to her about. No father to call even. Not even my step dad has a clue.

okay.. guess I had something to ramble about.

Hugs and Prayers to everyone.

Hope for a better day today!!

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There have been so many changes in my life recently, yet under it all I wear a layer of grief. It is no longer like a coat I wear on the outside where everyone can see it but like underwear. No matter what I put on be it clothing or a smile or even a peacefulness the pain is always there. Most of the time I try to ignore it but there are days when it wants to overwhelm me.

My parents have been gone for years. My brothers have been gone even longer and my Johnny nearly 5 years but they are a part of me always. When you lose someone you love they take a part of you with them but in it's place they leave a part of themselves. When those lonely memories come or something happens you would want to share with the ones you love I have to think that those parts are longing for eachother.

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