It's been 5 long days

[Tim'sKathy]

It's been 5 days already and I cannot begin to tell you how much I miss Tim...his sense of humor, his laugh, his smile and my hugs....I have no idea how I am going to to this every day from now on. I know he is in a better place and not suffering anymore...but what I would not give to see him just one time the way he was before he got sick.

To any of you that have lost a husband..or wife...how do you do it ? It is unbearable.....

Kathy

[Ann]

Kathy, my heart just goes out to you. I can all too clearly think back and remember how I felt five days after losing Dennis. There were time I thought I was really going to lose my mind. I would wake up (if I slept) just wondering what was going to get me through the day. I remember like it was yesterday the day that the reality that I would never see Dennis again hit home. That was the night I killed a bottle of wine alone, cranked up the music and danced for hours with Dennis's picture in my arms. One son called my DIL and she came rushing over and spent the night...I finally slept. Please know that you are not alone. Take this time to babble on to your friends. People are glad to listen, as they want to help but don't know what to do. I had an easier time talking to friends than my children, for I felt the need to be strong for them. I could break down and get a lot of things off my chest with friends. I can tell you that it will get better...just when and how I can't tell you. There will just be one day that you find a few hours have passed and you haven't thought of your pain. You may feel guilty for not thinking ...but don't. That is the beginning of healing. I've been working on this for almost a year now and still have absolutely terrible days from time to time. Please email me if you need to chat with someone that's recently been there ! You're in my prayers!!!

[t_beanes]

Hello Kathy,

I have so far felt that I am dregged through time, that it is not me - that it is not true changes with knowing only to well.

My mind tries to convince me that he still is somewhere nearby ...but I know that this is not true.Not for my way of seeing things.

I want to keep him alive as much as I can in my mind.

All I can say to you is what helps is to stay busy with simple things.

Try to make yourself tired and there is nothing you should not be doing.If you feel like fotos - do that.I made myself cry sometimes because I needed it.

Not that this happened as a decision taken , no I just followed what came into my head.

Concentration , or reading books about loss etc were things which did /do not work anymore.

To think what Richard would have done now ,sometimes helped.Nobody can suffer for you or even imagine what this means you are going through.You can share parts of it with people in the same situation.

Others I heard have joint groups to talk about their loss.

Richard died in february and I am as sore as right after it, which is normal as far as I know it.

I give you an internetted hug ....Tina

[Candy]

Hi Kathy,

Every single day I wake up and I beg God to let me die so I can be with Hugh. A voice in the back of my head tells me to forget it, you can't so get up and get moving. I swear that's Hugh watching over me. I measure my time in seconds and honestly this week I have had a couple of better seconds than last week. That's it, seconds and I hate it, I don't want to do it. Today was bad as I spent the day doing business stuff. I don't have any answers on how to deal with this but wanted you to know I am thinking of you. I do know I WILL do this because Hugh would be really mad if I didn't.

Candy