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Hospice and Family Reactions


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So the time has finally come and hospice has been coming to my dad's house for the past month or so. He adamantly does not want to go to an inpatient place. He fell last Friday and had to have stitches and has been a little off since then. He has had this reaction before to being in a hospital.

Anyway yesterday two of his siblings came over and yelled at my mom and my brother that he should be sent away. At this point he sits in the living room and watches tv and an aide comes for 4 hours. My mom is looking into an aide for the rest of the day. Is there really any benefit to sending him away especially when he gets so agitated in hospitals. I feel that if he goes into the facility they will sedate him.

I am just mad that they feel they know what is best. This is a horrible situation to be in- noone really knows what is best but we are all trying. They made my brother cry. I just keep on telling my sister that no matter what we do he is dying putting him someplace else isn't going to change that.

I just wanted to get that off to my chest, I am sure some people on this board have been through the same thing.

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I am so sorry that your family is going through all of this. I have no experience with Hospice but my feelings are this. If your Dad is comfortable at home, if your Mom and brother are able and willing to care for him when the Hospice aide is not there, I feel it is the right thing to do, keeping him at home. I cannot see putting him in a hospital or hospital type setting if that makes him uncomfortable and agitated.

I am sure that others who have first hand experience can add much more to this for you.

Keeping you and your family in my thoughts,

Christine

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Your parent's wishes come first and it seems to me that if his wife and children can and want to care for him his siblings should mind their own business.

If they were being asked to take care of him it would be different, they aren't and everyone else is happy....especially Dad...so do as Dad and Mom want - in his place I'd want to stay home too.

Take care

Geri

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I am so sorry you and your family is having to dealwith this at this time....you dont need the added stress...

it seems to me they are obviously in some sort of denial about his prognosis... at this point, if e is not suffering in anyway you are doing what is best for him. There is no reason for him to be in a hospital or have inpatient care at this time..

I hope that they "get it" soon so as not to cause your family any more stress than it is already under...

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Your Dad's wishes and the needs of the immediate family (spouse/kids) are what come absolutely FIRST right now. I think of some of my Mom's favorite words (Tell 'em to P*** off), but as you mightn't find that appropriate just know that you ARE doing SUCH a good job for advocating for what your Dad's wishes are and for what his needs are.

Family stuff has a tendency to get all whacked out when a family member is dying... And it hurts even more and it sucks that it comes on top of it all.

(((((hugs))))) to you. Stay the course, and know that you are being an incredible daughter.

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I went through this with my husband's sister earlier on....after that she didn't dare. She told him best place for him was hospital - about 2 monthes before he passed. He was scared and wouldn't leave. We finally convinced him to come home - and other than a 2 day stint home is where he stayed til he passed away. If your mother and brother are capable of caring for your father with the assistance of hospice than go for it. Someone that sick should have their wishes. And if his brothers and sisters don't like it that is really their tough luck. Not trying to be mean. But.....they are not living your mom and brothers life - nor your fathers. Heather

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I know it is hard on them to see him like that. Noone wants to. He looks horrible but he is dying I don't know what they expect. He has lost a ton of weight, and he doesn't want to shave anymore. He isn't a cooperative patient even for my mom. My sister also lives with my parents and it is easier to blame my mother than cancer. Thanks for letting me vent.

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Vent away!

We had a similar situation arise with Mom and it's SO difficult. If your mom and the rest of you as a family are willing/able to care for your dad at home and that's what HE wants...then I agree with Val (in the words of her dear momma). It's HARD to do what you guys are doing and those who are more on the "outside", even when truely wanting the best, just don't understand the additional stress they add by giving their opinion on what should be done.

Many prayers to you and yours...thinking of you...

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