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missyk

Scared to Post Responses...

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I keep reading and reading and seeing all the young people who are here, fighting this disease with their parents...some even fighting for themselves...and I'm terrified of posting a response because I don't want them to see that Mom died and lose hope. :(

I'm proud of the fight Mom put up...and I'm sad, of course, that she didn't get to win in the dictionary version of the word...but now I feel at a loss to help anyone who's just getting into this battle. I feel like, if they read the profile I have down there (the santized version, though I did print out and keep the original version so I have it), they'll see that she died anyway and it will suck the wind right out of them. I don't want to sugar-coat anything because this disease and it's effects on the family suck big-time...but I truely believe that up until Mom took her last breath, there was hope for her to fight on.

I know I've not fully gotten into missing her, fully engaged the sadness and hurt that are left in her place and I'll be honest in saying I'm not sure I really want to. Right now I avoid my family as much as I can, avoid the subject of Mom's illness and death when I can dodge it and when I can't I talk of "facts"...not feelings. But I want to *DO* something to help...without making someone else feel badly. Any advice?

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((((Missy))))

I started to go on and on, but really I don't have advice. I just want to say I know what you mean and I don't post much on the other boards for much of the same reason. Someday I hope to have more to offer.

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Missy

I think you should just give whatever advice you can to help out the new people. I think we all go into this hoping that are family members are going to be the lucky ones and I think you can't give up hope until there is no hope left to have. I think you are a wonderful sincere person and that will reflect in your messages. Take Good Care of yourself.

Dar

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Missy I have been here posting for 18 months and My sig states my status. I am proud to offer what ever advice and help I can when I can. If I can offer someone a glimmer I love to do so. Follow your heart and do what feels right. Some just read and others are always posting. Ya gotta do what ya gots to do when ya gots ta do it. This is the other new normal that not a lot of people like to experience. Prayers and Hugs for strength and support!!!! RandyW Be proud, and Be loud!!!!!!!!!!!! :wink:

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I felt the same way too in the sclc forum- when responding since my dad did not survive.

but I remind myself that there ARE sclc survivors out there and if there is anything I can offer to help someone else in their journey survive, I will.

Do what feels right. This may not be the right time for you to offer support...lean on us and let us support you. When the time comes you will know it. There may be a post or something you read that you know you can respond to and you will know when you have something helpful to offer.

((hugs))

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Oh Missy

I could have written the exact same words. I also feel that my Mom lived with knowing about the cancer for 5 short months, and there are some people who just think that I don't know anything. But I did learn a lot in those 5 months, they are right that I don't know everything.

Hugs and prayers

Connie

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Missy,

I'm with you 100%, and have felt this way ever since my sister died. I often feel like I have no hope to offer. However, one reason I stay tuned to this wonderful board is to see the survivors posting their victories!!!! It helps so much to know that there are people out there winning the battle. So thank you, Survivors, for all you do to boost the spirits of those who have lost someone. Ellie

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Missy,

Continue to post - when you feel like it. When I joined, there were three of us about the same age and basic diagnosis: me, BeckyG and Hebbie. I got to know BeckyG and felt a void when she passed - BUT, I do value having made her acquaintance and helping her in HER journey.

Do what YOU need to do. We ALL know that not everyone makes it - if we knew the ending to everyone else's story, look at all the in-between chapters we would miss!

xxoo,

Becky

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Missy ... what about the hope you might give someone whose mother was diagnosed as stage IIIB or IV and they think they only have a few months left? Looks like from your profile your mom lived 2+ years after diagnosed. Some people would loved to have even just the hope of that to get them through.

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Missy,

I understand what you are saying , but there is one very important thing we have to remember and that is that every case is different. Those of us who have been here for a while are the only ones who can share valuable information based on real life cases. I feel we have a lot to give.

I myself am going through a second cancer diagnosis in my family. My mom's case is so different from what my husband's case was. Hopefully, hers will have a much more positive outcome. Nevertheless, no two cases are the same, but some of the experiences with certain drugs, blood tests, treatment experiences, etc. etc. are the same. I know that when I came , I was truly thankful to the ones that could speak from experience.

Missy, I am thankful we are all here to share to help with the hopeful , as well as to share our grief. There's room for us all. It's all a part of this horrible disease.

God Bless,

Sue

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Missy,

Even though my mom was just diagnosed in Feb, I find the info you share an incredible help. No one can know what the outcome will be but I can honestly say I would be sad if you stopped posting. You have to much to offer. You share your story so openly and I don't think you realize how many people your posts have helped.

When my mom was diagnosed I felt very alone. WIthout even knowing it you helped me not feel so alone. I am so sorry that you had to go through all that you did, but you are making a difference, even if you didn't know it.

You need to do what feels right to you but I needed you to know that you helped me and I know I am one of many.

Prayers to you,

Dana

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sadly you lost someone you love to this disease... but while in the process you learned so many things that you wish to god you never had to learn... BUT these are some things that others might be going thru that may need direction with that can benefit from your experience... stay... share.. support and be supported

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Missy,

I can only speak for myself here, but your posts have helped and continue to help me tremendously.

When my mom was first diagnosed and I found this site, I was in tears because I thought my mom only had a few months to live. Then I started reading the stories here and I looked at your posts and your profile of your Mom's battle and I realized that we should be aiming higher. Her fight and yours have given me a role model in courage. The same is true for Treeby and Katie, Don Wood, Randy W, more recently Dana Brooke--and all the others who have had to let their loved ones go. I'm also uplifted by those are still in the midst of their battle and by those who have maintained long term survivorship.

I believe that we need people who have experience in all the stages of this disease because there are people on this board in all stages of the disease. Life is terminal, but in many ways your mother won her battle for many, many days before she finally had to leave. That's a story and experience that will help many people.

I can understand if you feel the need to back off for awhile to go through your own grief process, but please understand that you have much wisdom and strength to share.

Susan

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Missy, When Ger got sick the most important thing for me was the signatures and looking at what other people were diagnosed with - their progression/digression and their treatment plans. Yes it was very very depressing sometimes - at the beginning and I would have to walk away from it...but I also needed to face reality and be informed. Ger didn't want to know anything. Now if I had cancer myself and was looking at the board - I don't know how I would feel. I actually thought about that today when I was responding to another post. Maybe there is something in Ger's signature that will help that person. I think if people didn't want to know - they wouldn't be on anyways - like Ger (mind you he didn't know how to turn on the computer). So - to make a long story short - I leave the information on as I hope that someone may benefit from something that we went through. Heather

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Missy, I am going to pm you later on this.

Because I completely understand where you are coming from.

Just know I think it is a disservice to misrepresent what happens with Lung Cancer.

It's hard.

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Missy - I can understand if it is too soon or too painful for you to post at this time, but PLEASE do not think you need to hide your mom's story. When I stumbled across this site I was so happy to find people going through the same thing and I was eager to read the stories of everyone, including those who beat the disease and those who did not. I learned not to listen to statistics, and that everyone's case is different and I learned to appreciate the time we have because nobody knows how long that is.

You have a way with words and a way with people. I think any words of advice you have to share will only inspire or encourage newbies.

And your mom was a 15 year cervical cancer survivor AND then she had to battle the lung cancer beast too??? I think that is inspirational in itself!

Karen

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Hi Missy, Personally, as a cancer "surviver", I would like everyone to stay and keep their profiles up. You have so much to offer and the history you share is invalueble. We know what the outcome may be. But knowing different meds, different dx., different treatment, different side effects. As they say to us, "fill out the prifile, it's easier for us to help you." I say, "Keep the profile, it does help us." And post, sweetie. There's no such thing as too many friends or too many prayers. Hugs to all, Liz

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Missy,

I'm so glad you posted this. I didn't want to erase Jim's treatment history because it was sort of a journal of the cancer journey, the ups and downs. But, I didn't want to post either and then possibly affect someone's hope.

As Heather posted, I do remember finding this site and eagerly reading everyone's treatment history to glean ideas to take to Jim's doctor. Like Ger, Jim didn't want to know much of the info or details.

Thanks for posting this. Your post and the replies remind me that maybe I can be of help to someone even though I have stayed 'quiet' on the boards for a while now.

I hope your days are getting a little easier.

Thanks,

Lynne

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Don't be afraid to post because your mom lost her fight with this disease. When I first came to this board I read all of the profiles. It has really helped me a lot. I was able to get an idea of what my dad was going to be going through and a little of what to expect. After you read a few, you realize that everybody is a little different in the treatment they receive, the reactions that they have, and of course the outcome. Even with the sad endings, those detailed lists really do help those of us who are new to lung cancer.

I know you must be so proud of your mom for fighting the way she did and even though she is gone, she can still help others, through you, with her story.

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