kimblanchard Posted October 19, 2003 Share Posted October 19, 2003 deleting all posts Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shelliemacs Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 chirsitna, if i read between the lines correctly on your post. i think what you did was normal. any outreach of companionship in the state your in can be great comfort and seems to fill a huge hole of emptiness. dont beat yourself up for a normal reaction and just go one day at a time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candy Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 I think trying to fill the void left by Chris is probably very normal. Its that rebound thing. I guess you have to keep reminding yourself that you can't replace Chris. I am a firm believer in having to experience the pain (walk through it so to speak) in order to come out of it healed. I try to explain to people how lonely I feel with Hugh gone, how I can be surrounded by 100 people and I STILL feel alone and they just don't get it. My sister keeps telling me "Oh well, you have to go on" Yes, I know I do and I know I will. But the lonliness is most times overwhelming. I appreciate all of their efforts to "help" me and very often I will accept their invitations to go somewhere, but they don't understand that even when I am with them I am still overwhelmingly lonely. Being with people doesn't fix it. I have found that to be the hardest thing. I have so many wonderful and caring friends who visit and invite me places and I go and I spend time with them because I want to feel better, I want to honor Hugh's memory by handling this strongly as he always handled the deaths of his loved ones. I want to think he would be proud of how strong I can be. But no matter how hard I try I am still so horribly lonely and empty. Every single day, at some point I ask God to let me die so I can be with Hugh and every single time I ask for that favor a voice in my head tells me its just not possible. I swear that its Hugh making sure I am alright. He told me after he got sick that he wasn't afraid to die and that if he did he would always be here with me. I try to remember that. So, after this rambling post, I guess its still too new to me to be much help to you, I just wanted you to know that its normal to feel so sad and lonely and that we will get through this even though it doesn't seem like it right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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