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Hit Me Like a Ton of Bricks...


missyk

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I was writing about my wonderful step-dad earlier and all the sudden it hit me so hard...we're alone. We kids are.

Both of our biological parents are gone. All of our biological grandparents are dead. We have aunts, uncles and cousins...but we don't know them and they don't live in our area.

I know we have our step-dad and his family...and I'm so thankful for that and love them dearly and have always and will always consider them my family...but...

I don't even know WHY the thought hit me so hard. Maybe it's just something else to focus on other than Mom. I don't know...

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I'm sorry you're having a hard time right now.

It hit me the minute my mom died that I was really really alone.

it's odd, I have a husband and 2 children, but I feel like my family tree was cut off at the base...

It's a hard feeling.

i understand and I am sending you hugs.

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Oh, KATIE...you are so right. The family tree was cut off at the base. This describes how I've been feeling since my mom's been gone PERFECTLY. When I say "I'm alone now that mom's gone," Stu always tells me, "Well, you have us. You have me and the kids." I can't describe to him how it's not the same. I've told him my mom was my last link to my childhood. There is no one left to be proud of me anymore. No one who can talk to me about the day I was born. I have my aunt and uncle (Mom's sis and brother) but they both have their own kids, and while my aunt remembers a lot more than I thought she would, there are obviously a lot of things she just can't know or remember.

Well, Missy, I can empathize, you poor thing, with being pregnant without your mom to share in the joy of it. I swear with everything in me that I wish I would have been the last female on earth to endure that pain. It is indescribable. Thinking of you tonight, honey.

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Erin,

I explain it as having lost the two people who loved me unconditionally, 100%- during my mistakes and milestones, ugly, fat, skinny or whichever my haircolor is this month....

The people I loved unconditionally and who loved me unconditonally from the moment I uttered my first word until the moment I held them when they past away.

Yes we have our husbands- but that is conditional- I am married on the condition that you respect, love and be faithful- in turn I partner with you and choose to love you for the rest of my life.....

Yes, we have our children- but it is our jobs to teach, protect and love THEM unconditionally.

So I am right there with you....I feel like a boat in water with no anchor...the decisions and my direction in life are all mine to make now....and it doesn't feel liberating...it feels lonely.

Sorry I said so much. i really try to be "normal" and ok for so many folks...sometimes I connect with a post here and it all comes out.

hugs and more hugs for all of you.

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I feel 'untethered' these days....like I'm not grounded. Our parents connected us to our past, and to each other (siblings, aunts, uncles, extended families, etc.). Both of my brothers forgot my birthday--or remembered it, and forgot to call, etc. I didn't get a cake this year---how minor of a complaint, but it really cut me up.

I was visiting with one of my Mom's friends yesterday (she is finishing the afghan my mom began crocheting for my brother's first baby, due in November). She told me it was now my job to keep everone connected...do the holidays...make all the phone calls. I just feel so old.

Kelly

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Yes! That's exactly it! It's like the "link" that bound the family was lost. I've not talked to my brother (who lives right here in town, too) or my sister for over a week. I suspect we'll all end up at Ralph's (mom's) for Father's Day because we want HIM to feel special...but then we'll all go our separate ways again.

My sister sent me an email asking for pictures of Mom for a photo album for Ralph. When I responded I signed it "love ya". Her response back to me was signed "thanks". I wanted to call Mom and tell her to tell Becky to pull her head out and quit being a b**ch.

I feel bad, though, that I feel this way when I KNOW how lucky I am to have a wonderful step-father who's been there for us since we were little...but I *DO*.

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I'm sorry to say that those ton of bricks that hit you tend to come in waves. :roll::( It's soooo soooo hard when we lose both of our parents. We honestly feel like we have lost our idenity and or our roots. It's sad and it's very hard to feel that pain within. :cry::cry:

It will get softer. ((((((((((MISSY)))))))))

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Missy-

My husband has lost both of his parents, and he felt the same way. And yes, his family tree seemed to just fall apart. Your parents are your link that draws your siblings together, their "being" is what keeps all of those past transgressions, the quirks that annoy you, etc. about your siblings in check. It seems that once they are gone things can just implode. I find that so sad.

I'm sorry that you are feeling this way, it is so painful. Thinking of you...

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