MomsGirl Posted June 21, 2007 Share Posted June 21, 2007 Hi everyone,I'm sorry (once again) I haven't been posting too much. I HAVE been checking in, though, and thinking of everyone as I always do. I am so incredibly overwhelmed with my mommy duties - my husband doesn't get home until 7:30 every night and the house is falling apart around my ears. I don't have enough hours in the day to get anything done. And my little seven-month-old man is very much a momma's boy, doesn't like to be ignored for a minute. Or should I say he is a NANA'S boy...he is so feisty like my mom was. I can still hear his crying ringing in my ears...with the sounds of my older kids fighting in the background. I'm sure many of you can relate... Anyway, the first anniversary of losing my mom is coming up, and I just can't believe it..sort of. I don't know if any of you have experienced this...but I feel like my mom is down a long hallway, and just keeps getting further and further away. It's so hard to explain - I never thought I would have to - God, this is SO hard to put into words. It's so devastating to me. I'll try, though. I feel like my mom is really gone now, like my life WITH her in this world isn't so immediate anymore. I don't expect her to walk through the door like I used to. And I hate it. It makes me sad and angry all over again. I miss her so much, and this "new normal", as some put it, actually seems to make the pain more intense, and serves to increase my anger that she was taken from us. My kids are moving on, I am trying to keep their memories alive and we talk about her all the time, but how much of that now is from photos, and me talking? They were 5 and 3 when we lost her. She was SUCH a huge part of their lives. And Conor, the baby - he is hitting the stage where I have such incredible memories of my mom and I enjoying my first born boy, Kyle. God how we loved sharing him and all of his cuddliness, new tricks and his discovery of the world around him. She was so in tune with him she was like another mom to him. Once again, I am so pissed off that she is gone. He will never, ever know her. I feel like I will never ever ever be whole again. And I am desperate to keep her with me, which is why this is killing me. I just want my mommy, I want to be her daughter again, for real, not in the past. Guess I just need to know if this is normal, this distance that is happening and the pain that goes with it... Hugs to all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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