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Stress is causing me to fight with husband

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I wonder if anyone can understand where I am. My father is basically nearing the end. He may make it another month, and he lives about 400 miles from me. I am married, work, and have 2 very small children, so dropping my life to stay away is not a great option for my family. My mother passed about 3 years ago of the same disease, so my Dad is the last parent left. I feel so much guilt that I can't go be with him every minute of the day. I was with my mom every step of her battle, but she lived downstairs in my house. My husband and I have been arguing more lately because I am so short fused and he is worried about me. I guess I am taking some of my anger about losing my Dad out on him, but I can't seem to stop. I just get so flipping angry at the unfairness of this horrible beast of a disease. Thanks for letting me vent. This place is such a blessing!

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I don't have any easy answers for you. I know I've been in your shoes on several occasions.

What helped me was, in a rare moment of not freaking out or stressing, I told my husband that I knew I had been hard to live with, and that I loved and appreciated his support. I also warned him that I might get worse before I got better, but promised to do my best. I think it helped him to know that I was at least aware of what I was doing.

Please remember to take care of yourself during this time as well. Cry when you need to, and give yourself a break when you can. Accept your husband's ( and anyone else's) help whenever possible.

Keep in touch, OK?

:) Kelly

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I can relate. My husband and I have only been married a year. In the course of that year, we moved cities, we bought a house, I've changed jobs three times, and my dad was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer. Yup, it's been a stressful year.

We seemed to be doing well with it all until last week--when my husband started feeling really upset. I am finding that the only way to get through this is to keep talking, to remember that this is not his fault, that he is sad too, and that this is hard for everyone. One of the things that my husband said made him feel saddest was the fact that we can't really plan anything for the long term--because we just don't know how my dad is going to be doing...I feel like we have to put everything on hold--from the little things (like vacation) to the bigger things (like having a kid).

One thing that has helped a little has been speaking with a therapist on a weekly basis...sometimes it just feels good to vent without worrying about hurting anyone's feelings--or bringing someone else down to my dark mood.

It's just a tough time right now.

In strength,


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Your first question was "I wonder if anyone can understand where I am?" and I can give you a resounding "YES!! 100%" Flip it being my father passing 4 years before (and living half the country away) and my mother getting close to death 45 minutes away...and I was in the same boat.

My husband and I have been married 10 years and had never fought the way we fought toward the end of Mom's life...and I think it was because I knew I was safe fighting with him when I really wanted to rage at the entire world. He was there and he took it on the chin (figratively) a few times...and he kept right on being there, as stressful as I made it for him.

I can't give you any words other than to let you know that yes, I've been there...and I'm here if you need somewhere else to rage at for a little while. Keep posting, keep venting it off, it DOES help.

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I am so sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult time. Marriage is already stressful enough, but then you add lung cancer and a parent you treasure into the mix, it is very hard to deal with. I have been married for 9 years. I don't have children, but I do have pets. Do they count? My mom never thought she would live this long, so she never planned for anything. I am not giving up hope on her, but I am planning for her burial. The thing is, my husband loves stuff. He does not know the value of a dollar and has basically bankrupt us. I had money set aside and that is gone. I had funds on a credit card, but when we got into financial trouble, those credit card companies closed my accounts for fear that I would use all of that $20,000 credit line.

Perhaps the best thing would be for your dad to move in. Could you go and stay with him for a short time? I wish to God that you were not dealing with this. My prayers to you, your Dad, your husband and your children. Heep strong and never give up.

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