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Ways I've learned to cope

j's girl

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It's really hard to believe the 1st anniversary of Mom's passing is approaching so quickly. In some ways it seems like an eternity has passed and in others it seems like yesterday.

Because Mom passed suddenly, I can't help but wonder what life would be like if she were still alive. In my mind, I can still see the looks of fear in her eyes. It seemed like there were always tough decisions to be made and so much anxiety. I am glad she didn't have to endure the typical dying process. I feel a little guilty saying it, but if the alternative involved a lot of suffering, I'm glad she is free of it. Instead of focusing on MY loss, I choose to see it as her FREEDOM.

I think the dialogue that we say over and over in our head really has a big impact on how we feel. Sounds corny I know but hear me out. When I feel down and out, I tell myself that Mom has taught me well and I can do this on my own. Or I tell myself it's time to fly on my own. After a while you actually start to believe it. I always keep in mind that I represent her. I am an example of her parenting skills, her values and her ethics.

We've all had our share of misery because of lung cancer. It may have taken our loved ones, but we should do everything we can to deny it the power to take our spirits too. If there is anything that I've learned in the last year or two is that we're a heck of a lot stronger than we think we are.

Since December I've been taking a small dose of Paxil. I was very hesitant to start it when my doc suggested it would help take the edge off all the challenges I was faced with. I can honestly say, it's the best decision I've ever been coxed into. I actually feel better than I have in a few years. I had a difficult pregnancy, and I think some post partum issues and then Mom was diagnosed. There should be no shame associated with taking an antidepressent. If grief an illness like diabetes, people wouldn't think twice about seeking treatment for it. I think the same attitude should be adopted for depression.

I hope everyone can feel some relief from the grieveing process. Feeling better doesn't mean you don't love the person you lost. It just means you're taking care of yourself and that is what they would want.


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