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Crying at Target


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Cried at Target today in the Back to School department - a lot. I was embarrassed, and the kids were kind of surprised b/c it's been a while, but also kind of whatever b/c they got used to it happening in the months after I lost Mom.

It was all over a lunchbox for Kyle. He's going into first grade this year and I realized he needed a lunchbox for the first time in his life. He found the one he wanted and looked up at me, so excited and grown up, with his front tooth newly missing, and all I could think of is she's missing all this, she's missing all this. I HATE that she is missing this more than anything.

And here at home, all of the baby's toys were once Kyle's, and many of them were from my mom. Playing with them is so bittersweet. The little wooden blocks that Kyle loved so dearly, my mom searched the stores high and low b/c she insisted that all babies must have wooden blocks. I pulled them out recently and Conor (the baby) is now obsessed with them - yesterday he propped himself on his fat little arms and started to knock down every building I built and then laugh himself silly. That was my mom's favorite game with Kyle, I can still see them sitting in the same place on our family room rug doing it for hours and my mom acting all indignant when Kyle would smash her block buildings to bits and he would giggle like crazy. It's a game that never got old. So in the midst of Conor's joy and my joy in playing it with him for the first time, I cried.

Oh well, such is life now...

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I can imagine that we have a lifetime ahaead of us of those types of things.

I always say the only part of the future I never saw my mom a part of was my retirement.

Otherwise, my kids birth, them going to school, graduations, even my kids weddings...I saw mom being there...

And when I continue down this road of life and hit these milestones or even just buying that first lunch box...yup...I could see tears being part of all of that.

Sorry it was a rough one.

Such is life now indeed!

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Your post made my eyes fill with tears. I can so feel your pain. As a new grandmother, Ella has given me the new desire to live a ve ry long time. When I lost Dennis, I really never thought there would be a "reason" to continue on. My heart is breaking for you!!!

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I was laughing through my tears reading that...remembering my mom with the wooden blocks...they HAD to be wood!

I hate that we're going through this, I hate that our Mom's are missing things they *shouldn't* miss, I hate that a lunch box at Target made you cry. Mostly I hate this disease, though.

Many prayers and much love coming your way...

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