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KatieB

When the plans are over...

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Going thru something kind of weird right now.

With my mom, she died so suddenly.... We had plans...real plans...Her big birthday bash, Rick's birthday, my birthday, she was to come with me to Washington D.C., Chicago, to the beach house. We planned to rebuild the greenhouse in her garden and taking the kids to this specific place or that....there were future plans... We talked about all these things "to come" and made plans...

Well, last week, the last of the plans we had together was over.

It's been six months this week that she has been gone...and now, the last of the plans are over too....it feels like the rest of my life now is happening without her having known about it.

Does that make sense?

It almost feels like losing her all over again because now, everything that happens is not something we had planned to do together.. are things she knew nothing about...

Oh I think I am just rambling... this grief is so different than that of my dad's......

but if anyone can relate and share, I'd sure appreciate it.

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Ramblings, but from the heart. I feel it.

May i share a 9/11 story I saw on larry King?

It was on the first anniversary, 9/11/2002. I watched larry King interview Lisa Beemer, and remember her husband was on the plane that went down in PA. her Todd was the one who said "Let's Roll". She was pregnant with their 3rd child at the time.

However, back to the interview:

Larry was talking to her and the interview was going well. To close the interview, Larry asked her if she was relieved the first year was over, what with the hype leading up to it at all.

I will NEVER forget her answer. Very calmly she said, and I paraphrase here, that she was not at all relieved,

because tomorrow would be the first day that she could not say, "this time last year Todd and I . . ."

Larry King had no words.

I will never forget that moment.

gail

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Add me on to the list of teary eyed members. That is so true. Every year that goes by just puts me further away from Dennis and the life we loved together. Yesterday was our yourngest son's 29th birthday. All I could think about was how much he looks like his Dad and how much his Dad would have loved being there with the family. ((((((((Katie))))))

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I'm with you, Katie. I don't know what back to school looks like w/o Mom. I had to take Tay's skirts to the cleaners to be hemmed--Mom always did that. She was my before and after school care--what will I do now? Right now I just worry about it, but as I face this new "new normal"---I don't know. Once school starts up again, it will all be too real.

(((Katie)))

Kelly

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I think I get what you're saying ,Katie. I'm dealing with the lease on my mom's car being up soon, and then we'll give it back to the dealer. When we went to my uncle's funeral, a cousin said to me, "You know what a dummy I am? I was thinking to myself, "Denise isn't here. Where is she? And then it occurred to me that she's really gone." I could have used the excuse "It's too soon" when I broke down in sobs at the church on Monday, but then I realized that I think I'll ALWAYS feel that way. I still wonder how I'm wandering around on this earth living my life without her. How is it that I was able to attend a funeral for a family member without her? I swear I still don't feel like I'm old enough to be doing these things on my own yet!

And we have this whole new person in our family that she doesn't know, and who will never know her. And he's already had his first birthday! And we moved three weeks ago...and Mikkel and Saoirse graduated from preschool...and...and...

Six months, Katie. It just doesn't seem possible. I really wish it weren't so.

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((((Katie))))

Makes sense to me. I know how it hurts me that Mom has never seen this house or even knew it existed.... Any job that I have now she'll never know about... All those little things that I feel like she should 'know' about me but that have changed since she's been gone. Somehow knowing that they 'knew' about it was a comfort.

The 9/11 story is spot on too... I know that's how I felt about the end of the first year... and now I choke to think that I'm working on my 3rd without Mom. It just seems wrong.

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I understand too. I had to go to a kidney specialist with my dad yesterday and as soon as I met the guy I thought "Mom would love him". Its been 6 months since my mom died too and it seems like such a long time but yet such a short time (if that makes any sense). I think of all the things that will happen in our lives without her here and it breaks my heart again and again.

sending good thoughts and hugs your way tonight and best wishes for an easier day tomorrow.

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Katie, it's all so true. My sisters and I are trying to plan our first "girls" weekend without my mom (we didn't go last fall, the loss was just too fresh and painful, and I had just given birth). We're at a loss, I keep putting off making the plans, even picking out a hotel. We can't bear to go back to the place we always stayed at the beach.

There are no words for the loss we've all suffered...

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I still have my mom, but as much as I can, I understand. I ALREADY think I don't want to plan anything because she likely won't feel well enough to go. For the first time in my life, I'm terrified of the future.

The last time my mom, my daughter and I went to the mall together, they were looking at fancy dresses, just admiring them. My daughter is 13, and I thought, barring a miracle, my mom is not going to see her go to her high school dances, her senior prom, her wedding ... I don't want to do that stuff without her. I don't have a sister to even help take her place or soften the loss when it does come.

I said at one point earlier on these boards how much I admire all of you who have lost your mothers and still persevere. I guess I'll do it when the time comes, but I don't know how.

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I'm sorry ... I do still have my mom, I'm 48 years old (probably way older than most of you talking here about losing moms) and probably didn't have the right to chime in w/that last reply.

My dad was sent to the hospital today with a blood clot in his leg and I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself and want to think my parents will be around forever and just hate not being able to help them more.

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Katie I think all of us who have lost someone close to us have some of the same feelings.

Last year when I was still working and drawing my Social Security I replaced some of the things that I had bought to set up house with Johnny. It was nice to have new things but then I realized I would have to give away some of the things that Johnny and I had shared and then so much of what I have now he has never seen.

Every year from July 3rd when I first joined him until his death aniversary on December 2nd it seems like some kind of count down. I remember everything we said did and shared. I think the one thing that has helped me the most is that I can so easily recognize the signs from him and I know that in some way he does see and we do share all of those things.

My ex husband died a year and a half ago. I still think of all he is missing with my grandchildren. They still miss him and everything to them is still hard to do without their Paw Paw. When my two great grandchildren were born the first thought that came to my mind was "Denis should be here to see them and spoil them too".

Same thing with my mom and my brothers who died.

Mama saw my oldest granddaughter, my brothers saw none of my children. Every time I see one of my grandchildren or great grandchildren I always think about how proud Mama would be of them. How much she would love them.

So you see Katie we will always miss sharing with our loved ones. Sharing is so much a part of what love is. We just have to believe that they do see and share with us and someday we will all be together and talk about all of the wonderful things that we share.

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Hi Katie,

I think what hurts so much was the unexpected way she passed. So fast.... It would have been different is it was expected. Don't get me wrong there is no right time for a mom to pass, but at least you would have known she would not have been there for those special plans. This is still so raw and it hurts so much.

It is different when your mom passes as she was your savior in so any situations. Of course dads are too but there is a special different bond with a mom that can never be duplicated. As they are one of a kind.

Thinking of you and understanding what you are going through.

Maryanne :cry:

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I know exactly what you mean. I once felt that way when my mom and dad passed. It was worse when my mom passed because then I felt like I have NO parents to share life stories with or life long plans with. Today is 37 years that my dad died and I STILL wish he was here to help me through some of the rough spots. It was 20 years on July 1 that my mom passed over. But I do talk to ALL of them a LOT. I keep them all informed as to what's going on here and how I wish they were here to share it with me. I know in my heart of hearts, they really are with me and seeing all that goes on.

Most of all I miss my son, knowing I will never have grandchildren from him, or see him grow older and hear of his ups and downs in life. Most of all that's harder for me then missing my mom and dad and sister if that makes any sense?

Just remember you can take who ever you want with you where ever you go. Just say like I do, "Come on mom, we're going to Walmart, or Comeon Kyle, we're going bowling, or comeon dad, we're going fishing" :wink:

Grief is so hard and so painful to go through. But I do know things will get better and the pain and loss will become softer for you. ((((KATIE)))))

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We just returned from the houseboat trip that Mom planned and paid for but did not live long enough to fulfill her dream (it was scheduled for July 21 2006. As you all know she only made it to April 2006, and even then she was talking about how many paper plates she had bought and what else we needed to get. I took the boxes of things she bought for the trip, and it was so awful thinking, this ketchup, this hand soap, this bug spray, she was suppose to be with us.

I wish I could tell you what I feel but it is too much. I just know what you all mean.

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Katie

In the last 10 years I lost my dad suddenly at the age of 63 and my brother suddenly at the age of 32 and my husband slowly at the age of 42 to cancer. Sometimes I feel like death at fairly young age likes to knock on my door. For each one of those losses there were and still are days when I think that what if they were here and would I be doing things differently. With the loss of my husband Gerald especially I feel like I am moving ahead without him more than ever. We never talked about him dying too much. He did tell me a couple of things when he was diagnosed....that he would want me to marry again and that what I purposed to do with his body if something should happen was ok. Everything else that I am doing now is physical motions....building a new home, selling his truck, planning a trip. Spiritually he is still around me as are my brother and my dad. Just remember that your mom is with you too. She won't ever be gone and although you don't see her nor can you touch her that her spirit is near and she will always be a part of you. I believe many of our decisions are guided by those we have lost. Think of it that way. Sometimes when I am doing something I look up to the sky. I just say - Hey Ger....you think this is ok?

Heather

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