How sad is this?

[kamataca]

So, I finally decided the other day that I need some help. I'm not sleeping, on the verge of tears at odd times (never actually allowing myself to cry, of course), and I'm terrified of starting the school year with no passion for life. How can I teach with half a heart?

I've fought the idea of getting help--"Talking about it won't change my reality--I just need to learn to deal with it." In our church bulletin there was a blurb about a small grief support group that was forming. I told myself that this would be good for me--close by, at the church perhaps, and maybe folks I know would be in the group.

Making the call was a huge step for me. That was last week. The woman in charge has still not called back. I called again today....no answer, left message again, no call back yet. I'm frustrated, but I'm trying to be patient. Hopefully this is all a misunderstanding. I know I could find another group, but this just irritates me. I'm back in "why bother" mode. The grief support group won't even support me.

Bleh.

Kelly

[Treebywater]

Kelly--

I'm sorry it's not working out so far. I hope they'll get back to you and it will be a really positive experience for you.

I did the same thing. I tried a church grief support group, and while people actually got back to me about it and showed up, it was not at all what I was hoping it would be. So I stopped going. Then I decided to go see a pastor. The pastor came for one meeting and it was fantastic... Didn't show up at the scheduled time the next week.

At that point, I felt like the limb I'd worked so hard to jump out on had fallen away beneath me, and I just quit trying.

I got through it... but I don't reccomend it, as I'm *STILL* working through issues of 'why do I have to go through crappy things alone?'

I don't know if it's helpful or not, but it always helped me a little to know that I wasn't reinventing the wheel with my feelings. I get wanting to give up on reaching out for help. I really hope you find a place where you are comfortable to share and grieve and receive support. It's so important.

Whatever you do, we're here, and we get it, and we support you.

[gail]

I hear your frustration loud and clear.

I did not turn to therapy until the third cancer, and I'm sorry it took me so long. It was a safe place to fall. And cry.

Don't hospices offer grief therapy?

gail

[Sis]

Kelly,

Your post put my feelings into words. In the same exact boat you are in now. Can't get into my creative mode (which is necessary for my work), and thinking that talking with someone won't make one bit of difference.

However, please don't give up on the grief share group idea. I joined one last January (right after my sister died). The facilitators were wonderful and I met so many kind people who were feeling just like us. Wishing you happier days ahead. Ellie

[crystleshoe]

Oh my God you are all echoing my thoughts exactly. I thought that I was the only one in the world feeling "flat". Kelly, it is appalling that they are not calling you back and it was so brave of you to make that phone call. You are not alone in your grief we are right there with you supporting you and sharing your pain. I am saying a prayer tonite that tommorrow will bring us all a little less pain. I wish we were all closer so we could have our own support group.

[ErinC1973]

Kelly,

I swear, I wish we all lived closer to one another!

My 5 y/o daughter has been having issues with grief over losing her Grandma. How can I help her when I can't help myself? And in recent months, some things about my mom have come to light that I have to deal with...and I just don't know HOW. I can't talk to her about them; I can't talk to ANYONE about them. My husband loves me and he offers words of support and encouragement, and he tries to say all the right things, but I'm sliding...fast.

In fact, I do believe I have hit rock bottom. I'm overwhelmed, tired, anxious, crabby, and generally just a b!tch on wheels. I don't like a single thing about myself anymore. And what I told Stu on Sunday is that "No amount of talk therapy is going to help me. I need drugs." The scary thing is that 12 years ago I was put on xanax after losing my grandma, and I was so addicted to it that it took 2.5 years to wean myself off of it. And I always said, I know the meds are out there, I just don't feel like I need them yet. Well, now I DO.

I've said in the past that depression for me is like sinking in quicksand. 12 years ago I sank so deeply that I could no pull myself out. A few times it was bad, and I fell in, but I dragged myself out. Since last year, I've been sinking, and this time I'm too far gone. I have to get back control of my life somehow. I'm not doing myself or my family any favors.

It stinks; everyone knows how hard it is for a grieving person to actually PICK UP the phone and reach out for help. People may say, "I'm here, just call," but I don't know...you just can't. And for no one to respond when you reach out for help, well, especially coming from those who know, it's like ripping the wound open all over again.

[Nick C]

I think it's great you've taken the step...although not so great that it isn't "happening" for you yet.

In the meantime we'll certainly be here to support you...but I know, it's not the same.

I'm a big fan of therapy myself (I was just there as a matter of fact) because I have so much emotion over losing Mom. I am not ashamed to say I need help. Mom prepared me for everything except being without her.

Therapy doesn't bring her back...and it doesn't get rid of the pain...at all...actually at times, the pain is quite accute as a result. BUT I'd rather confront it dead on that having it constantly dragging me down from behind.

I hope we all find what works for us to at least begin to LIVE more fully again.

[Mskim]

It may be as simple as she is on vacation. Give one more try to the church secretary or receptionist.

I know just what you are feeling with the no sleep and crying jags... I hope you find something that gives you some peace.

Hugs and prayers,

Kim