My mother's death has helped me to live again

[Beth R]

I haven't posted here in a bit. My mother died in 4 months, and I was there till the end. She won the over 60 marathon in Oct 06, and dead in May 07.

What the hell. I miss her very much, and at times I cannot deal, but I have also learned to appreciate life much more.

I decided that after her death, I should live life more the way she did, yet she was very anxious. She saved money, and what did it matter when her life was taken that quick? So, I guess there needs to be a balance of having fun and saving money in case the fun ends a little sooner than you expected.

I am having fun now. Going out, socializing more than usual, and doing things I would not normally do. Not worrying all the time about what the future will bring, because the future is very unpredictable. Then, I feel guilty, but if it was not for her death, then I would be stuck in my same damn rut, and not appreciating every day. And,I would rather she was alive with me here today.

I appreciate my friends and family more. My mother gave me a very mixed blessing in her death.

[deewilkey]

Know that many of us understand you all too well. My mom died only 19 days after diagnosis and also led a very healthy life. She biked 25 miles a day for 40 years with my dad and ate salads 2 times a day. She was the picture of health and that is why it is so much more difficult for me. It doesn't make sense and at times I find myself even wondering if this really happened. We were so very close and she took care of my small kids 2 days a week. I, too, have learned to see life as very temporary. I think I always believed that she would live into her 90's without a doubt, so this is a wake up call. I am also not taking life for granted anymore. Let's all hug our friends and family more and live each day as if is our last.

My condolences to you and your family,

Stacey

[ztweb]

I am so glad to read your post. Your mom has given you strength to see the good in each day, the posibilities in each hour, and the love around you.

May you continue to heal and enjoy the most precious gift of life.

Jen

[Littlegirl]

I'm sure your mom would be proud to know she has given you this gift.

Karen

[kamataca]

Good for you. She obviously gave you a good example to contiue to live by.

Kelly

[Suzie Q]

Yep. I know. The loss is so deep, and it changes you so profoundly. Life is not the same any more...but not always in a bad way.

You never stop missing them...

~Karen

[Maryanne]

It was really nice to read your post Beth. I am so glad you made a positive out of something that was negative at the time.

Your mom would be proud of you and your decision escpecially since it was her who changed your way of living.

She blessed your with her passing.

Maryanne