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How about a New Mate Question!!


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To those of you who have lost your mate or thinking if you ever lost your mate have you ever considered looking for another. Ann found or met another and seem's very happy so what about the rest of us. I'll answer first, no i have not sought out another but have met a few that were attractive.One in particular worth mentioning live's in a small town about 30 mile's from me that i find very attractive but i'm 13 year's older and that has held me back from letting my thought's out to her.But i would like to know her like's and dislike's as i see her where she work's maybe once a week and believe she might like me....

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Who could not like you. Give this gal a try and see what happens. I have not lost a mate but was single when dx. I just decided a few weeks ago that why the heck should I stop looking for someone to be in my life just because I have cancer. I use to think that know one would want me or it would not be fair to find someone and have them fall in love with me. I went on a date tonight for the first time since my dx and it felt great. Even if the guy never calls me again I had a great time and that is what it is all about.

Give yourself a break and find someone to fill your life and heart. You do deserve it.

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some great advice there Larry. I have thought and done a little looking but not found anyone yet in Particular. some Day I will find another soulmate,but first I am gonna get me another puppy dawg.mAybe for my birthday in Nov though. Follow your heart and at least you will have a new friend in a worst case scenario I think!! Good Luck wiht that :)

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Just check her sense of humour

and you will be fine.

Love your jokes and I check each

day for a new one.

No, I did not and will not look for

a friend.

Too old for that and I scare all

male away. female also, too modern

for them instead of using a cane

in my old days I use a flying broom.

Sometime I would like to be more normal

but the forty three years I spent with

Mike made me as I am now and I guess

a change is impossible.

Good luck and go for it.


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I think my circumstances might be somewhat different.

I was married when diagnosed and my husband was NOT nice to me, no need for details.

Right after chemo I divorced him and have been happily on my own for three years. So, in an awful way that I am afraid is all too common I did lose a husband.

Now that I am settled into my new home and am cancer free (knock on wood!!) I would love to meet someone to share my later years with.

Larry, go for it, you only have one life and if you let this one get away you may never get another chance. You obviously were not meant to be alone so you shouldn't have to be :)

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I've thought about this subject quite a bit and always come up with the same answer. No. I will not actively look for another man.

There are times when I would like someone to share a movie or concert with or maybe just to go out to dinner or cook them a good meal. I may be in my sixties but I'm still a woman.

Maybe it is because Johnny and I had so little time together I'm still wanting him. I want to do all of the things with him that we never had a chance to do.

What we had was so special anyone or anything else would only be second best and that would not be fair to someone else, myself or my love and memories of Johnny. At my age there are few if any men who would want such a casual relationship with no commetment or no attatchment. So I go on alone.

One other problem for me is money. Being a woman if I would ever remarry I would lose all of my ex husbands social security and would have no way to live. My own wouldn't even be $200. I spent the major part of 41 years being a full time wife and mother. I think that is a big consideration for a lot of women. Johnny is the only one I would have given up that security for.

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Hi Larry,

Do whatever your heart tells you. Its difficult for a man to be alone. Some men just need a woman.

Just a curious question. In your profile it says you have 9 :shock: children. How many grandchildren do you have? Also what would you children think of you dating again. Not that it matters as it is your life but I am just curious, which is my nature.

Maryanne :wink:

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I want to clear something,

a lot of people think that

when a widow/widower get

married again it is

like being unfaithful.

Nothing worst than thinking that,

as we live our way of loving

change and what we may love today

we could have hated when we were


Go for it.


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Jackie...thanks so much for your reply to Larry's question. When I met Dick, I went through a lot of feelings, such as the ones Larry is feeling right now. I also felt as if I was being unfaithful to Dennis by spending time with someone else. My best friend sat me down one day and gave me a good "talking to" as we would say hee in the south...lol! Dennis was like a brother to her and she knew him almost as well as I did. She knew that Dennis would not have wanted me to be alone. He was always worrying about me and he would have been happy to know that there was someone to care for me and the boys. "Moving on" definitely doesn't mean that you love your departed spouse any less or that anyone will ever be able to take their place. It simply means that your heart is big enough to share with more than one person in your lifetime. Although I still miss Dennis desperately, I am content now and my life is happy once again. I believe that God gives us life and we should do whatever we can to make life be happy. So, Larry....I think you should definitely follow your heart on this one. Do you really think your dear wife would want you to spend the rest of your life alone and sad?

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That's a very good question Larry! But also one so hard for me to even think about because I'm so torn.

On the one hand, I think I had the perfect love affair and marriage, and I have an incredible fear that anything else could never measure up to it and I would be sad and disappointed. Plus it wouldn't be fair to any man to have to only get at most a fraction of me, since my Keith holds 200% of my heart. And I also feel like I am still married, and feel so much guilt whenever I even think of the idea of another man.

But on the other hand, I'm only 37. I've had this great love that consumed my whole life and filled me up so completely that now that it is gone, the gapping hole is so unbearable obvious and overwhelming. I was once loved so completely, cared for so tenderly and wholey, and I had someone to give myself, my love and my time and attentions to. It is so painfully lonely now. I think when I was younger and single I was content because I didn't know what was possible, and didn't know what real love was. Now that I know, I realize so much more painfully and poignently exactly what it is I'm missing every day and every moment and the thought of living another 50 years with this emptiness and loneliness is one of the scariest thoughts I have. I don't think I could survive it.

So yes, I hope that someday I can find someone to love, who will love me. Maybe not the same as I had, but maybe it will be "enough" and hopefully it will be to someone who understands that I will always love my Keith, as he was my true love. And maybe he can do it without jealousy and competitiveness. Maybe it won't be as great, maybe it will. But either way it will be different and I hope I am wise enough to see it and appreciate it if and when it happens and grateful for any love that God grants me. And I hope I can find a way to love someone without beating myself up for it, because although my heart tells me it's wrong, my head does know that Keith would not want me to suffer and be alone, and he would want someone to love me and care for me because I do deserve that. He loved me so much and really would want me to find some happiness.

But, like Lily, I'm not going to actively look because I'm not strong enough to do that, I'm too afraid, too guilty, whatever. But I hope it happens.

For now, I've actually been spending a lot of time with a friend of my husband. He became a room-mate shortly after Keith passed because he needed a place to stay, and I needed help both financially and just with taking care of everything since I was a complete devastated wreck after that (I would never have ate if he didn't put it in front of me, wouldn't have gotten up if he didn't make me). He's been there for me so much and helped me immensely. We've become the closest of friends, and I know that in this past year he's felt he has developed feelings for me, and asked that in time maybe I'd consider him as more than a friend. If not, ok. But when and in time, completely without pressure, he's there for me. I can think of 100 good reasons why he'd make a wonderful man to be with. But my heart right now still feels to afraid and too hurt. But with how close I feel to him right now, I don't think it would be impossible for me to someday love him.

Who knows what life will hold?

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Wow some great insight from all who have responded. Carleen in some way's i feel like she feel's but i feel alittle like everyone as said how they felt. What brought this question on was about a month ago the Church held a supper for those who had lost there spouse.I noticed that some were angry at God for taking there mate and other's were content and no longer felt they needed another in there live's.Some seemed to be still in shock or disbelief. The one's i really looked up to were those who honestly felt there mate was better off than them being as they believed they were with GOD.One lady in particular i admired lost her Husband when she was in her early 40's or mid thirthies and lived a Bonanza (tv show) life by keeping the ranch and raising her children but never remarried....But hey all keep the replies coming as i believe there is some great sharing here....

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Don't forget

''The Song of Solomon''

it is in the Bible

and it means

''The book describes married love as God intended it to be. It is important to see that. For the full abandonment to one another in mutual satisfaction which is described in this book is possible only because it is experienced within that total oneness which only marriage permits.

I think this could be an answer

when we have questions or doubts.


to all


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