KatieB Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 and Dad wasn't there. This is the first of my "firsts"...without him. My mom came to my sons party..and left all too soon. She even looked out of place, sitting alone.. ALONE, without dad by her side, without dad to say "hey, guy! Happy Birthday" I hate this so much. Everyone says it will get easier with time... But I don't believe that for one second. I just think perhaps we adjust because we have no choice. I still can't believe he's gone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
christymike Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 Katie Im sorry to hear what you are going through. I can't even begin to imagine what that is like. I guess all I can say is be thankful that he has been there to see your child and see what a wonderful child you have and what a wonderful life you have developed for yourself. See that is the one thing I am so scared of Im 23 about to get married next year and Im afraid that my dad wont be there to walk me down the aisle or to see me have a kid. I cant imagine life without him. It's like i can see myself on here one day wrtting the same thing you are. I know its is hard but just think from what i know and believe is that he WAS there at the party with you guys. And always will be. Christy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Cheryl- Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 Katie, My Dear,we are given a choice; albeit, probably not one that we would want, but a choice none the less. The choice is either to die with them, or live on in a way that would honor them and make them proud. You are doing just that. How proud your Daddy must be of both you and your son! I still hurt from the loss of my parents to cancer. It took quite a long time to even be able to talk about them with out breaking down. It does get easier though, trust me. Cheryl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
norme Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 Living gets easier each year from the losses, but the thoughts of our loved ones still after 30+ years sometimes bring tears to my eyes. Today would be my sister's birthday. That brings tears...and it has been 8 years now. But life does go on....and it is wise to go with it.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 Katie, Here's a hug from me to you (((((((((((((KATIE)))))))))))))))) that is sent with much love. I still miss my mother (she passed 7 years ago) and my father (nearly 20). They were my parents and still are.... but I feel like an orphan sometimes. God bless you, Peg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 Katie, I know exactly how you feel. Four days after my mom died, my youngest had her 12th birthday. It was hard, but she deserved a birthday, so we all put on a brave face and celebrated. Even my Dad came bowling with us, at first he said he wouldn't, but later changed his mind. I was glad for that. Jessica did get a wonderful gift, an afghan that my mom was working on before she died. (My Aunt finished sewing all the panels together for my Dad). I hope she will always cherish the final gift from Nana. Each "first" does get a little easier with time Katie. Take care, Faylene Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephnewyork34 Posted October 27, 2003 Share Posted October 27, 2003 Hey Katie, It just takes a while, you'll get through it, and your Dad is with you in spirit and your little ones birthday. Big HUGS Stephanie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LindaMRG Posted October 27, 2003 Share Posted October 27, 2003 (((((((((((((((MY DEAR KATIE))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Your son is at an age where he will remember your father and the man he was. I know this because I lost my grandpa when I was in 1st grade and I remember him vividly. I remember his funny personality and how he gave me the paper ring off his cigar. I remember the visits at my house and at their's. Many good memories. Hunter will have them too. Much love to you tonight, my friend. Love, Linda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted October 27, 2003 Share Posted October 27, 2003 Katie It will get better with time as everyone says, this was probably your worst day. I still vividly remember the first Christmas without my Mom, it felt like someone had taken part of the earth and opened it up there was such a void, we all cried together and then agreed to make the best of it and even had a few laughs about things Mom used to do. It did get easier after a while but that first was my worst day. Give it time Katie, you are doing remarkably well, hang in there my friend Bess B Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mittlers Posted October 27, 2003 Share Posted October 27, 2003 Katie, I know how you feel. My girls are so excited about Halloween but I am finding it hard because Mom is so sick and will not be able to see the girls in their costumes. I didn't even decorate this year like I usually do. I know it is going to be hard when Mom passes but watching her suffer now is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I will keep you in my prayers Lots of Love, Susan M. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna D Posted October 27, 2003 Share Posted October 27, 2003 Katie, I understand completely what you mean. For years we would combine birthdays of my Mom, my son and his cousin because they are all so close in the dates. Yesterday we celebrated my son, his cousin and Mom's birthday, except Mom wasn't there. Her name was on the cake and it was really hard on all of us. Tomorrow is her actual birthday, I don't know what to do. We must keep going for our children, for their lives are just starting. My thoughts are with you and so I am sending you this ((((((HUG)))))!! Dona Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candy Posted October 27, 2003 Share Posted October 27, 2003 Dear Katie, The pain really does dull with time. You will never stop missing him, you will always wish you still had him around. My Dad has been gone for over 30 years and not a single day goes by when I don't think of him. I don't cry everyday, I smile often when I remember him, but I miss him, I wish I still had him. They say God only gives us what we can handle. The other day I had the thought that He had certainly over-estimated my ability to cope. My parents are gone, my husband is gone and we lost a child. Too much I tell myself, I am only 47 years old and I should still have them all with me, but still every morning I get up and put one foot in front of the other mostly to honor Hugh and what I know he would want me to do. I wake up wishing I could die to be with him, I know I can't and I say a couple of extra prayers that this will REALLY get better with time because I know I can't handle this intense pain forever. I know from past experiences that it does get better but right now it sure doesn't seem possible. I also find that I get really angry at people who underestimate my pain. Do you find yourself doing that? You will get through this because from reading your posts over the past several months I know you can't have any regrets about how you handled your Dad's illness, you were certainly there for him and wonderfully supportive. I think that is a really important step in the grieving process. You can do this Katie! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatieB Posted October 27, 2003 Author Share Posted October 27, 2003 Candy, I sure do agree. Thank you EVERYONE for your kind replys. I find myself in tears reading your post Candy. I feel utterly stupid for posting when so many more have felt such incredible pain. I'm so sorry. You are so strong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathy Posted October 27, 2003 Share Posted October 27, 2003 Dear Katie, Its so hard to lose someone that was so dear to you. I know, especially when they were as precious as our dads were to us. I am grateful that my children were able to know how wonderful their papa was, and through you, your son will know what a great man his grandpa was. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rinksgal Posted October 27, 2003 Share Posted October 27, 2003 My grandpa was one of the most important people in my life, my brothers and I called him dad, he was more of a dad to us than our own father whom was never a dad.. He died on Dec. 18th 1988 suddenly and we were all in such shock.. This man was so very important to me. He told me once I was more of a daughter to him than his own daughter, whom is my mother. I never told her about that... But I miss him more everyday. He always knew how to put a smile on my face!! He told me once that once people die that they are forgotten, and I told him I'd never ever forget him, and I haven't. He was buried just days before Christmas, which use to be my favorite holiday of the whole year! Him and I always went and picked out our Christmas trees together and that year was no different. The hardest thing we ever did was decorate the tree for my grandma that him and I had picked out together!! Christmas has never been the same for me since...I almost hate it.. My heart still aches for him....and I lost a brother in July of 97, he was the youngest of the five of us..only 29 years of age. He worked for the railroad as a engineer and he'd just gotten off the train and crossed the tracks and was hit by another train...leaving behind a wife of 9 years and a 2 year old son...It still hurts... The pain never really leaves you. It just seems like it gets a little easier and a little less painful, but you never forget them and never quit missing them...I pray that god will help you through the hard times!! I can't imagine now the thought of possibly losing Darrell, as Candy said sometimes I think God has definetly over estismated my ability to cope with the pain and losses I have had in my life!! I mean if he decides he needs Darrell more than me I don't know how I will or could ever deal with it. I feel like I will totally shut down!! I will say a prayer to help all of you with your losses and maybe some how God can lessen your pain a little, at least to help you get through each day with a little less pain and strength. Christy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candy Posted October 28, 2003 Share Posted October 28, 2003 I find it suprising that we all think everyone else on this board is so strong when we don't find ourselves strong at all. Katie, I have always admired your strength and I don't think of myself as strong at all. AND, you should never feel "stupid" for posting or feel that the pain you feel is any less than everyone elses here. I may have lost more people in my life (because I am older than you for one thing) than you have but your pain is as intense, as big and as real as mine is. Just keep telling yourself that it WILL get better with time. Put one foot in front of the other until you get to that spot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrea B. Posted October 30, 2003 Share Posted October 30, 2003 Katie, My heart aches for you and all that you are going through. My mom and I have always shared so much. This is the first time in my life where she is unable to join me in outings and other activities. Her treatments are taking such a toll that she is only able to stay home and rest in her chair. I am absolutely heartbroken. I know I can't completely relate, but please know I am thinking of you during this difficult time. I am wishing you some peace. You are a strong and admirable person who will get through this. Blessings to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 It doesn't get better. You have that right Katie. It only get's to a point where we have no other choice but handle it. It's only been a few months since my mommy passed away, and the feeling is worse everyday. I just think someday I will get to a point when I will realize I have to handle it, and it happens to us all. It doesn't get better, it gets bearable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Sally Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 Dear Katy I know how you feel. I lost my father 9 years ago and it's still hard. However, the one thing that ALWAYS gets me cheered up again is the fact that I KNOW he's looking down on me all the time and doesn't want anyone of us to be upset. I cop myself on then and cheer up. I'm sure your father wouldn't want you or the rest of your family to be sad for him. Lots of love, Sally Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nylivin Posted November 12, 2003 Share Posted November 12, 2003 I'm in the same situation as you, I lost my dad this year and all the firsts are coming one after the other. My twins are blown away by what happened , I wrote a book of memories for them if you want it ,free of course email,nylivin@aol.com I ll email to you, its an interactive fillin book they cried but filled it out and im sure they will treasure it forever. My thoughts are with you robert[/b] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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